Friends

I hollared at my buddy SLAPNUTS today down south where the sun shines, and the pools are in working order. He just so happened to have something real crappy to say, so I had to comment back at him. Nothing says, " I need a damn job" than tossing out a Facebook invite to come over and swim, and play some games. I mean, do they not work down there either? Or do they all just own a couple of illegals and have them make the money?
I don't know what it is, but I know I'm about to piss myself he is my friend. I got a couple pictures from him the other day, talk about not playing around. This dude is more serious about games than a sole bull out with 140 heifers. I got me a picture of a Zynga game, not just the average, but the monster truck addition. Them dudes play with 2 foot 2X4's. They stack that firewood up on the table, and drink and play. I would be more scared of loosing a damn toe from not spilling my beer I don't think I would be any good.
I would be the fat friend that everyone gets a chuckle at. You know, the guy that wears a t-shirt in the pool, and whos trunks go down past his knee on one leg, and about 3 inches higher on the other. That would be from me not folding them over before I cut them off. Ya, you know that guy. Or in fact, your him. Well, sorry I just told on ya, but drink on.
And what the hell makes my friends always ask the fat guy to air up all the toys for the pool? This crap ain't air, it's fat, if it was air, I would be about 10,000 feet in the air like a hot air balloon. My chest can't hold anymore air than yours, actually, I need more air just to move around, so start blowing up your own damn toys, from now on, I'm leaving my inhaler at home. That kind a crap just pisses me off worse than a dog that just can't quit get to the counter. So, take your little happy non working ass there Slapnuts, and drink and be cool.
Go out and pound on your drums and figure out a way for my to not have to work and get my bills paid that don't require me to use kiwi on my skin. I will love ya kindly, but until then, everyday at 4:20, remember me, the hard breathing, fat guy, standing here smoking, and wrapping his willy so he ain't silly. But our damn pools are still green and only 3 feet deep here, so eat that too!!!