Red Light

I decided that I was done giving blood to towels, and licking my own wounds like a dog, so I wanted to step it up a notch and donate some blood. I trotted down to the Red Cross, and lone and behold, I found out that they want blood, but have singled me out like a skunk with rabies. For some reason, they said they knew me. I read this little "You cannot give blood" list, and all be damn if I wasn't listed. I mean it didn't say exactly if you are Gabe or slept with Gabe, but it was a step worse.
How in the hell do they know what I did in my past? Obviously I am clean, I don't pee green any longer after my meds, I donated my spleen for research, but now I can't give blood because I served my country, and I was stationed in Germany where there are prostitutes? Really, so I guess the Red Cross don't exist in Vegas, that's to bad, I would love to give blood playing poker while drunk.
Then they told me that I could give blood, they just can't use it they will dispose of it. WTF? Really, now I was born at night but not last night, so I did it for the cookies, that old hag wouldn't allow me to eat any cookies cause I didn't give blood, so I gave. I jumped off the chair, said throw that bag away, I have slept with over 50 chicks in the red light district costing me over $300, and now my blood is tainted like your taint when you shit kids, and I'm just here for the cookies. And COOKIE MONSTER I became.
But if I remember correctly, I did sleep with one of the nurses daughters, so I said, I can't believe I am good enough to bang your daughter, but you guys don't want my blood, I'm just in shock. I better go eat some cookies so I can calm down. That old hag chased me out of there with a needle, I can't believe she was so sensitive, it wasn't like I would step down in morals and do her daughter again, been there done that, and wrapped ole willy twice, she melted the first one.