Rubber Dude

There are somethings in this world that just make me wonder. Like a year worth of rubbers  being called a goodyear, what the hell? Every vehicle we own, has these damn black rubber donuts on them, I just hope I never run into the guy who makes them holes while I'm in prison. Talk about walking bull legged, holy smoking spider monkeys all over my back trying to bite my ear. I tried that one day, back when I was younger, tossing tires at a warehouse, I was pretty damn sore.
Now we got this jingle bell character who believes in slave labor and laying all the tires for the store outside in a neat little stack, every morning, every night, they are there stacking the pile. I mean, back when I was younger, they always said that rubber will dry rot when out in the open and not being used. Kind of like a cheap hooker, well maybe, they don't ever close up either, but when their OBGYN uses the term BATTLE DAMAGE, you know you got a hooker. You can't get that classy just by shitting kids.
But tossing tires, telling ladies that smell good with short cut shirts they need new rubbers, will get you a heck of a look. I would be the dude that tells them they need to stand next to the car to hold it up on the rack when they have a skirt on. A cheap thrill for expensive rubbers. And why the hell are they all black? Now that Rodney King has died, maybe we can rubbers that will match our wheels, or car colors. I'm about tired of having to spray paint mine, I would love to have NO HUNTING on there from when they were new. But who knows, if you get that hooker that will hold her car, give her a discount. And whatever you do, don't by tires from an outside display that has been out there rain sleet snow and sun for more than 30 days, you wouldn't buy milk that looks like cottage cheese, head on out to the OTHER  DUDES in town, or just south of town, like Cross Dillon, where the rubbers are fresh as a baby's smell, and a helping hand will get ya balanced and rotated without causing you to walk any differently. And when ya get, get, get, the chance to buy the real rubber, don't be silly wrap ole willy.