Back when I went to school, I use to get in trouble for gum, candy, skoal, skipping class, and mostly,,,,talking. I don't know how they ever thought I talked to much, what I have to say is more interesting, obviously or people in the whole area wouldn't be able to hear a mouse fart when I start talking. I walk into a room, and complete silence comes along, with everyone just sitting there looking at me like I my fly is down, or I have a sting of toilet paper on my shoe, I don't get it. I'm just me.
So, I usually break the ice with something like holy shit, did you see the boss's wife's boobs? Now I know where my raise went. Just something to hear other than the ringing in my ears. But, now days, there are alot of rules I need to place out there for people to think about. Such as:
Never pull out anal beads like your starting a weedeater.
Never strum a G string with your thumb, it may not be long enough for her.
Don't be the dude who takes the last single chick at the bar.
Always ask what time her husband gets home BEFORE you get naked.
Never assume assume a woman will make you a sandwich when she's packing a taco.
Always check to see if you deleted all those texts before you get home.
And, the most important rule is,,,,,NEVER EVER say Don't let your meat loaf to a female stripper. This event caused me a bump on the head where I opened the door, and road rash from the roll down the curb into the street. And if that happens to you, don't try to go in just to finish your beer, it's a repeat cycle.
But, if your the guy that get's that last chick from the bar, remember, shes last for a reason, don't be silly wrap ole willy.
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