BFE

BFE is not short for Burlington Northern Express. Actually it is stating Bum FU(K Egypt. This last weekend, I took off like a prom dress and headed south to get out of the cold and help my tan out. It's hard to get food stamps as white as me. So off I rolled, with my soul, and get er down there. You know your in a strange land when you are trying to text what town your in, and spellcheck has no idea what you are trying to type.
Who in the heck thought of these words? They say the Indians, but I beg to differ. If it was the Indians in Oklahoma naming things, we would be have NoWater, Running Wood, Flying Grass, Dust Storm, and Chicken Hawk Oklahoma on a map. They come up with the strangest words for towns down there, just do a rapid type then enter Oklahoma and all be darn if something will pop up on the map. I can tell you, when it comes to counting syllables, Okies have the rest of the world beat. You can't pass up a Totankawa and tell me a kid in school there can't beat you in figuring out the syllables. What I really think is, back in the backwoods, along the Cimmeron River basin, some toothless people from Ponca City made some killer moonshine, and then decided to get some Indians drunk, and wrote down that they said. Hints where we get drunk, crazy Indians from.
And how do I know this? Cause I tasted some 186. That stuff burnt all the way down, and OUT. Just a sip, that's all it took, no wonder it don't snow down there. But then there was a Indian that got to meet Bud and Light, and it was a she, I think, I had to look close. But she thought she was all that and a free paint horse. It had to be a paint horse, based off her size. She would grab her jugs and toss them like she was making a salad, and I would dry heave. I haven't seen anything that gross since walking in on my parents doing the whoopy. Oh comeon, we have all caught, or thought we caught them at least once.
But to much of my surprise, I watched some dude try to sing, all I heard was a mumble for the first 30 seconds, then a couple words I thought I knew. Sounded like a really bad rendition of Name that Tune. I don't know if it was the beer he was holding, the teeth he was missing, or the cigarette he was trying to gum on. But, he finally figured out, his stage show wasn't working, so something had to go, well, it was the cig. He took it, and flicked it out right out onto the bar floor. The damnest thing I had ever seen. They smoke in bars down there, in my state, you have to go outside to smoke, to save the people at Karaoke some disgrace on their ears, Oklahoma should look into that law. I guess, fire prevention may want to look into flipping smokes out onto the floor also. But how can I judge, I didn't finish college cause I ran out of beer money.
All in all, I had a hell of a time, got to meet some followers on Facebook in person, hung with them what I could, taught them how we drink beer in Nebraska, and then they taught me that their bars don't close until 2 a.m. So then I taught them how much that extra hour will kick your ass when you drink like we do. I guess we all had a good laugh. I know I had a good time, this is my longest blog, and I have more to say, but I'll wrap it up, don't be silly wrap ole willy.

Geographical Center of the United States

So, to be exactly in the middle of the Continental United States is not only an adventure, but it is fun. Some things that impress me are the dumbest things, but hey, keep being dumb so I am impressed. There was a booming hotel they say there? I don't know exactly what they mean by booming, I know people stop to see it, but in a town of about 500 at Christmas, with NO Walmart, OR Dollar General, in Kansas even, wonder what booming is to them? I only counted 10 doors on the building, I guess if you rent 2 for a night, that would be booming.
I know second off, not only does this little pimple of a town really small, but the center locator is 3 miles off the highway back to the west. The only reason the road is even paved is because it's back there for the Japanese bird watchers so they don't loose control over their rental car. Oh, mind ya, there are no parking stalls, or even spots. If it's so booming, then ummmmm, just sayin.
But there is a little chapel, in which skinny people only go to church there. My ass after I have lost 3/4 of it from divorce barely fit in a seat. But it was cool, I like the idea, I thought it was neat seeing a chapel as the only other building than the hotel, or use to be hotel, a chapel for skinny people. That will confuse them Japs. But, there is a BBQ area, heck ya, grill and all. But, only the camper people have food, and if they have food, then you know they have a grill already. I guess it's the idea of having a grill out there to temp you to drive out 30 miles to the nearest place to get something to cook and come back. Lord help ya in not forgetting the charcoal.
One thing they do need, is a porta potty, or outhouse. I'm telling ya, usually when I stop, I have to pee, I guess it's an older thing. I blame the air conditioning in the car, then stepping outside causes my blood to increase therefore getting my muscles working and my bladder going. I refuse to get old, I'm NOT gonna take a purple pill before I wrap ole willy.