Funny Things

Why is it when someone gets scared we laugh? Why is it that when we go to scare a person, we all of a sudden have to pee when we hide?
Who decided one day that they were going to invent a tampoon?
Have you ever thought about these? Its the damnest thing you ever did think of. When someone is scared off their butt, we laugh ours off. I really don't understand how me seeing a snake and screaming like a BITCH is all that funny. I could have had a damn heartattack and laid there like a fish out of water all the while that you are standing over me laughing your butt off. Sometimes there are things you need to think about before laughing at a person that just pissed their pants. Like what if that was you?
And then, during paybacks, I hide in a great spot and know I can get them back and make them as scared as I was. I get all into place, controling my breathing like a rattlesnake fixin to hit a mouse, and DAMN I GOTS TO PEE. I sure didn't have to pee when I was thinking about doing it, or when I was getting into position, but all be darn, as soon as I'm there thinking of them pissing and pooping their pants a little, I have to pee. Now, I am going to be the one that pisses his pants and if I don't get them back for them to piss, I am going to look as out of place as a hooker in Catholic Mass.
And what would make one think of making a big cotton motor and deciding to jam that up in a whole and extend out bigger than baseball and use baling twine to yank that puppy out like a teatherball. I mean, you ever dropped one of them bad howards in a toilet bowl? It sucks up all the water and gets gigantic. How do I know? Well, it was man that invented the lock on the bathroom door so we could explore different crap. Every man has read the instruction manual that comes in the tampoon box behind locked doors. We aren't as dumb as we lead on. Well, now that I got your attention, don't be silly wrap ole willy.

The secret

I took my babe down to that lady with the secret store, oh man, she don't have no secrets. That is the only store I have been in where I didn't have to undress the shoppers, I sat in there like a virgin in a porn shop. Instead of undressing them with my psychic powers, I tried to imagine some of them wearing those secret things on!!! My gosh, then she went to try something on, now leave me alone in the damn store. So I started walking around like I was birthday shopping, but man, you can't walk well with a third leg looking like teepee. So I stood there like I got shot, in total amazement.
Then I found this g string, I figured out where it got its name, when the wearer farts, it sounds like a g string on my guitar.
The one thing I learned, that bitch with a secret has good taste, and a g string has to be located near the g spot. Next time, I'm wearing duck tape to hold my little fellow down to look some more.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.2