Stupid things I've done

So, the other day on FB, I said I would blog some of the crazy things I have done in my time. I mean, really, at the time they weren't all that crazy, but misson accomplished. It all started from when I was a kid, on a dare, to ride my bike into a lake. And from there, it kinda went this way.
For $50 bucks one night, and some whiskey, I pierced my own nipples. And hints the reason I always wear 2 shirts now. For some reason, them things always think its cold outside. Damn things. But that all came to an end one day I got a titty twister, and ended up getting the hoop ripped out. But, I took one for the team.
I decided to scale the barracks wall one night. I really don't know what I was thinking, but I had some influence from some buddies that made me think I was superman. That was a site to see. Tried it the day after and never could get on the roof.
Went car surfing one time. SOBER even. If Michael J Fox could do it, by God so could I. It was a ride, until the wave took a sudden left hand turn, and I went right, on my ass.
When you stop and think about some of the wild things I have done, or did for money, one would think I was a homeless dude wearing free bowling shoes on a street corner with a stollen box. But that wasn't the case, I just lived kinda on the edge. Been chased by husbands, boyfriends, kids, other dudes, and let me tell ya, when I see metal, I can run faster. I was always the one everyone would come ask if they wanted to see if it was humanly possible. If we could have had a camera back then on me, we would have about 18 years of Jackass the movie still going. I have rode in grocery carts being pushed by cars, and people. Took wax paper down the old metal slides down the park to grease them up and watch kids fly. Pulled behind a boat with a rope, no skis, jumped off cliffs, bridges, and if I had the chance would jump off a plane into the water too. Some of the best things I have done have always stuck in my buddies heads, and still to this day, they say, I am shocked your still alive. All in all, the only time I REALLY got stitches, was playing water polo in the Gulf War in a swimming pool, I took an elbow to the head. Got me 13 threads, and the pool looked like an episode of Jaws. So when someone says, I would try that and chickens out, I was always there to help out. Now that I am older, yet not wiser, I still like to have fun, but for some reason I don't heal up like I use to.
So, if you ever say, DOUBLE DOG DARE, or call me the magic word I can't take, I will prove you wrong. Never the less, I have ate some crazy things in my day too. But, when it all breaks down, and you think about it,,,,,just remember, don't be silly, wrap ole willy.

Sudden URGE

Do you ever get the sudden urge to just run up behing someone and slap the back of their head?
The urge to depants someone in Walmart?
The urge to go in the bathroom and make all kinds of moaning noises where they can hear it outside?
The urge to tie some fishing line across the hike and bike trail?
The urge to throw a blow up doll of an overpass?
The urge to put a brick behind the neighbors tire?
The urge to prank call a diner your at just to hear them announce for Eilleen Ulich?
The urge to yell rape during the church sermon?
The urge to just stand up, throw popcorn everywhere, and your soda at the movies yelling I can't take no more?
The urge to call school and ask if your kid made it when they don't even go there?
The urge to get the urge to do the urge is harder than to hold the urge back. I have no idea what that means, but it looks cool. I just sometimes come up with the urges to just do the damnest things, heck, the world ends this year according to Assterdamnist, so live the urges, step up, rip that towel off that dudes head just because you may not have the chance next year. But, don't forget, don't be silly, wrap ole willy.