So, as I was sitting with a bunch of friends around the table on night. They kept telling me about this crazy friend they had. The one that would walk around with his zipper down just to see if anyone noticed. I thought, all be darn.
Then they went on to telling stories of how he can table dance, and get about any chick to do anything. Then, I thought, what a man. Stories of how he can just walk into a bar or any place and tons of people come up to him and just sit and laugh and laugh. Man, what a guy.
But, when they started out telling stories of how he was streaking in his undies directing traffic in an intersection, and knocking on windows of peoples bathrooms, and when the cops chased him for letting all the 4-H animals out down at the Adams County Fair Grounds in Hastings the night before he got stupid and got married. That is when it dawned on,,,,that crazy SOB is me.
No other dude in this world can say that he was chased by the cops, with a hand in cast, because he smashed it 2 days before at work, and STILL managed to get all the animals out of the 4-H barn to run loose.
But some of that stuff, I wish I remembered half of those funny things I have done. But, in the mean time, I have figured out, I am making a lasting impression on people who meet me, and people who know me. Never a dull moment. Never. But, just take one thing from me, don't be silly, wrap ole willy.
Showing posts with label Crazy people. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Crazy people. Show all posts
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Stupid things I've done
So, the other day on FB, I said I would blog some of the crazy things I have done in my time. I mean, really, at the time they weren't all that crazy, but misson accomplished. It all started from when I was a kid, on a dare, to ride my bike into a lake. And from there, it kinda went this way.
For $50 bucks one night, and some whiskey, I pierced my own nipples. And hints the reason I always wear 2 shirts now. For some reason, them things always think its cold outside. Damn things. But that all came to an end one day I got a titty twister, and ended up getting the hoop ripped out. But, I took one for the team.
I decided to scale the barracks wall one night. I really don't know what I was thinking, but I had some influence from some buddies that made me think I was superman. That was a site to see. Tried it the day after and never could get on the roof.
Went car surfing one time. SOBER even. If Michael J Fox could do it, by God so could I. It was a ride, until the wave took a sudden left hand turn, and I went right, on my ass.
When you stop and think about some of the wild things I have done, or did for money, one would think I was a homeless dude wearing free bowling shoes on a street corner with a stollen box. But that wasn't the case, I just lived kinda on the edge. Been chased by husbands, boyfriends, kids, other dudes, and let me tell ya, when I see metal, I can run faster. I was always the one everyone would come ask if they wanted to see if it was humanly possible. If we could have had a camera back then on me, we would have about 18 years of Jackass the movie still going. I have rode in grocery carts being pushed by cars, and people. Took wax paper down the old metal slides down the park to grease them up and watch kids fly. Pulled behind a boat with a rope, no skis, jumped off cliffs, bridges, and if I had the chance would jump off a plane into the water too. Some of the best things I have done have always stuck in my buddies heads, and still to this day, they say, I am shocked your still alive. All in all, the only time I REALLY got stitches, was playing water polo in the Gulf War in a swimming pool, I took an elbow to the head. Got me 13 threads, and the pool looked like an episode of Jaws. So when someone says, I would try that and chickens out, I was always there to help out. Now that I am older, yet not wiser, I still like to have fun, but for some reason I don't heal up like I use to.
So, if you ever say, DOUBLE DOG DARE, or call me the magic word I can't take, I will prove you wrong. Never the less, I have ate some crazy things in my day too. But, when it all breaks down, and you think about it,,,,,just remember, don't be silly, wrap ole willy.
For $50 bucks one night, and some whiskey, I pierced my own nipples. And hints the reason I always wear 2 shirts now. For some reason, them things always think its cold outside. Damn things. But that all came to an end one day I got a titty twister, and ended up getting the hoop ripped out. But, I took one for the team.
I decided to scale the barracks wall one night. I really don't know what I was thinking, but I had some influence from some buddies that made me think I was superman. That was a site to see. Tried it the day after and never could get on the roof.
Went car surfing one time. SOBER even. If Michael J Fox could do it, by God so could I. It was a ride, until the wave took a sudden left hand turn, and I went right, on my ass.
When you stop and think about some of the wild things I have done, or did for money, one would think I was a homeless dude wearing free bowling shoes on a street corner with a stollen box. But that wasn't the case, I just lived kinda on the edge. Been chased by husbands, boyfriends, kids, other dudes, and let me tell ya, when I see metal, I can run faster. I was always the one everyone would come ask if they wanted to see if it was humanly possible. If we could have had a camera back then on me, we would have about 18 years of Jackass the movie still going. I have rode in grocery carts being pushed by cars, and people. Took wax paper down the old metal slides down the park to grease them up and watch kids fly. Pulled behind a boat with a rope, no skis, jumped off cliffs, bridges, and if I had the chance would jump off a plane into the water too. Some of the best things I have done have always stuck in my buddies heads, and still to this day, they say, I am shocked your still alive. All in all, the only time I REALLY got stitches, was playing water polo in the Gulf War in a swimming pool, I took an elbow to the head. Got me 13 threads, and the pool looked like an episode of Jaws. So when someone says, I would try that and chickens out, I was always there to help out. Now that I am older, yet not wiser, I still like to have fun, but for some reason I don't heal up like I use to.
So, if you ever say, DOUBLE DOG DARE, or call me the magic word I can't take, I will prove you wrong. Never the less, I have ate some crazy things in my day too. But, when it all breaks down, and you think about it,,,,,just remember, don't be silly, wrap ole willy.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Speech
Have you ever noticed, that once you decide to talk to foreigner, we change the way we "hook on phonics" in hopes they understand? Its like baby talk to a Mexican. That person is just sitting there thinking, WTF are they on? Well it's human nature.
Maybe not really human nature, as much as governments decision to open the borders. We bring in all these towel heads from the middle east, then we all complain how much towels and washcloths are. Well, all be quida, its a supply vs demand deal going on here. It don't take a darn rocky scientist to figure this out.
It the same reason, when cant flush baby diapers, well maybe, nah, heck, whatever.
But just the other day, I was talking to a hair lip kid, and all be damn, by the time I was done I were tawking like I had one twoo. So I started singing BLAH BLAH BLAH, and the Star Spangled Banner. Now that was a twist. It was harder than wrestling a cow ass first in a loading chute. Harder than trying to hide you take viagra from a pill popper, harder than carrot top to get his hair to stay down. Now that's hard.
But, now that my ADD has kicked in, and I am going to hell on a highway, instead of a stairway to heaven, I better wrap er up. Don't be silly, wrap ole willy.
Maybe not really human nature, as much as governments decision to open the borders. We bring in all these towel heads from the middle east, then we all complain how much towels and washcloths are. Well, all be quida, its a supply vs demand deal going on here. It don't take a darn rocky scientist to figure this out.
It the same reason, when cant flush baby diapers, well maybe, nah, heck, whatever.
But just the other day, I was talking to a hair lip kid, and all be damn, by the time I was done I were tawking like I had one twoo. So I started singing BLAH BLAH BLAH, and the Star Spangled Banner. Now that was a twist. It was harder than wrestling a cow ass first in a loading chute. Harder than trying to hide you take viagra from a pill popper, harder than carrot top to get his hair to stay down. Now that's hard.
But, now that my ADD has kicked in, and I am going to hell on a highway, instead of a stairway to heaven, I better wrap er up. Don't be silly, wrap ole willy.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Sudden URGE
Do you ever get the sudden urge to just run up behing someone and slap the back of their head?
The urge to depants someone in Walmart?
The urge to go in the bathroom and make all kinds of moaning noises where they can hear it outside?
The urge to tie some fishing line across the hike and bike trail?
The urge to throw a blow up doll of an overpass?
The urge to put a brick behind the neighbors tire?
The urge to prank call a diner your at just to hear them announce for Eilleen Ulich?
The urge to yell rape during the church sermon?
The urge to just stand up, throw popcorn everywhere, and your soda at the movies yelling I can't take no more?
The urge to call school and ask if your kid made it when they don't even go there?
The urge to get the urge to do the urge is harder than to hold the urge back. I have no idea what that means, but it looks cool. I just sometimes come up with the urges to just do the damnest things, heck, the world ends this year according to Assterdamnist, so live the urges, step up, rip that towel off that dudes head just because you may not have the chance next year. But, don't forget, don't be silly, wrap ole willy.
The urge to depants someone in Walmart?
The urge to go in the bathroom and make all kinds of moaning noises where they can hear it outside?
The urge to tie some fishing line across the hike and bike trail?
The urge to throw a blow up doll of an overpass?
The urge to put a brick behind the neighbors tire?
The urge to prank call a diner your at just to hear them announce for Eilleen Ulich?
The urge to yell rape during the church sermon?
The urge to just stand up, throw popcorn everywhere, and your soda at the movies yelling I can't take no more?
The urge to call school and ask if your kid made it when they don't even go there?
The urge to get the urge to do the urge is harder than to hold the urge back. I have no idea what that means, but it looks cool. I just sometimes come up with the urges to just do the damnest things, heck, the world ends this year according to Assterdamnist, so live the urges, step up, rip that towel off that dudes head just because you may not have the chance next year. But, don't forget, don't be silly, wrap ole willy.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Crazy Things
I've performed some crazy stunts in my time, outside of getting married twice, I have done some cool stuff. Like the time I was sleeping on a helicopter and doors open, I couldn't hear, and just heard someone yelling, and decided to JUMP out of the bird. A 50 foot fall and a hell of a tumble at the end, not even a scratch or bruise, but then I had to walk about 3 miles to where we were suspose to land.
Jumping off a bridge just because I seen it on TV. That is a rush, jumping from airplanes, that's more of a rush than wearing a ghost costume and knocking on the White House door. Cliff climbing, rock jumping, sex with the last chick at the bar, rolling a car and semi.
But nothing is better than time I jumped off the roof onto the round bouncy deal in our backyard. NO FEAR, jumped right off, went all the way down and hit my ass on the ground and was ejected into the air about 10 feet from that tramp and hit the ground again. That was a double ride in one jump. That is like getting a 2 for 1 down on the hooker corner. But talk about pain in the butt.
Its not what you do in life, its what you have done that didn't kill you is what matters. Live on, jump on, and stuff your butt with charmin and remember don't squeeze the charmin.
Jumping off a bridge just because I seen it on TV. That is a rush, jumping from airplanes, that's more of a rush than wearing a ghost costume and knocking on the White House door. Cliff climbing, rock jumping, sex with the last chick at the bar, rolling a car and semi.
But nothing is better than time I jumped off the roof onto the round bouncy deal in our backyard. NO FEAR, jumped right off, went all the way down and hit my ass on the ground and was ejected into the air about 10 feet from that tramp and hit the ground again. That was a double ride in one jump. That is like getting a 2 for 1 down on the hooker corner. But talk about pain in the butt.
Its not what you do in life, its what you have done that didn't kill you is what matters. Live on, jump on, and stuff your butt with charmin and remember don't squeeze the charmin.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
One day
To sit and think about doing stupid shit to your body to get recognition that will never be the way you dream it should, is like looking down the end of a roman candle that has been lit. What the heck makes one decide to stick sticks and swords down their throats to impress people? My god, of you can deep throat a sword, get your ass out on the corner and work it, some guys will pay LOTS to have that. And how did you find you could do it? Sitting at home one day just shoving crap into your mouth?
Same goes for the guy that had a crane pick him up by his skin, wtf was going thruout his head the day he decided to bee a human flag? Some people amaze the heck out of me, do all this stupid stuff in dreaming that they can be on tv, and then wonder why the heck they are single. The day god handed out brains they heard trains and took the first one to Arkansas.
Same goes for the guy that had a crane pick him up by his skin, wtf was going thruout his head the day he decided to bee a human flag? Some people amaze the heck out of me, do all this stupid stuff in dreaming that they can be on tv, and then wonder why the heck they are single. The day god handed out brains they heard trains and took the first one to Arkansas.
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