I am a lover of the American Pie movies, they just kill me. One thing I learned was I DID NOT party enough for get laid as much as average dudes in school. I don't know if it was because we didn't have the girls like they do in the movie. But, I will tell ya know, if some of these chicks I went to school with could take back time, they damn sure would be like that now.
Back in the day of pimples, no back fat, no hemorrhoids, didn't need a fishing reel to get your tits perky, oh those were the days. I mean, I wear the same size pants I did in high school, it just takes me about 10 minutes longer to squeeze into them. I damn sure don't remember a band camp. I sure as shit would be all in to go to that, those band chicks are HOT now.
Back on the subject, whatever that was, all I would have loved is to have a Stifflers mom. Man, back then we really didn't have friends with hot moms. I would have had a best friend if I did. From now on, I say from this day forward, every class reunion should have an American Pie theme. We can have band geeks, the geeks, sports dudes, and was a cheerleader, could have been a cheerleader, and am a cheerleader. And from there, we can go, and go, and go. Eat warm apple pie, drink some beers and puke on each other, and play in a marching band with pepper spray on the ends. While we are all doing this, we won't be silly and wrap ole willy.
Showing posts with label class reunion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label class reunion. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Monday, March 12, 2012
Top 10 Redneck Pick up lines
#10. Nice grill baby, is it original?
#9. Your as hot as my cousin, wanna go to my house?
#8. You may not be good enough for your family, but I will lube your chasis.
#7. My cousin is out of town, can you fill the void for me tonight?
#6. My other personality wants to take you home and count all your teeth.
#5. Will your cousin care if you cheated with me?
#4. I bet ya sex you don't have racing strips in your panties.
#3. On a scale of 1-10 I give you a toothless 11.
#2. Dang girl, you look just like someone I worked with at the carnival.
#1. Wanna go to my place and see who makes the best covered wagons?
So there ya have it. My list of top 10 lines. I am sure we could come up with more, because my mind is out there, as we all know. But, in the mean time if one of these lines work for you, remember, don't be silly wrap ole willy.
#9. Your as hot as my cousin, wanna go to my house?
#8. You may not be good enough for your family, but I will lube your chasis.
#7. My cousin is out of town, can you fill the void for me tonight?
#6. My other personality wants to take you home and count all your teeth.
#5. Will your cousin care if you cheated with me?
#4. I bet ya sex you don't have racing strips in your panties.
#3. On a scale of 1-10 I give you a toothless 11.
#2. Dang girl, you look just like someone I worked with at the carnival.
#1. Wanna go to my place and see who makes the best covered wagons?
So there ya have it. My list of top 10 lines. I am sure we could come up with more, because my mind is out there, as we all know. But, in the mean time if one of these lines work for you, remember, don't be silly wrap ole willy.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
What a time
So, as I was sitting with a bunch of friends around the table on night. They kept telling me about this crazy friend they had. The one that would walk around with his zipper down just to see if anyone noticed. I thought, all be darn.
Then they went on to telling stories of how he can table dance, and get about any chick to do anything. Then, I thought, what a man. Stories of how he can just walk into a bar or any place and tons of people come up to him and just sit and laugh and laugh. Man, what a guy.
But, when they started out telling stories of how he was streaking in his undies directing traffic in an intersection, and knocking on windows of peoples bathrooms, and when the cops chased him for letting all the 4-H animals out down at the Adams County Fair Grounds in Hastings the night before he got stupid and got married. That is when it dawned on,,,,that crazy SOB is me.
No other dude in this world can say that he was chased by the cops, with a hand in cast, because he smashed it 2 days before at work, and STILL managed to get all the animals out of the 4-H barn to run loose.
But some of that stuff, I wish I remembered half of those funny things I have done. But, in the mean time, I have figured out, I am making a lasting impression on people who meet me, and people who know me. Never a dull moment. Never. But, just take one thing from me, don't be silly, wrap ole willy.
Then they went on to telling stories of how he can table dance, and get about any chick to do anything. Then, I thought, what a man. Stories of how he can just walk into a bar or any place and tons of people come up to him and just sit and laugh and laugh. Man, what a guy.
But, when they started out telling stories of how he was streaking in his undies directing traffic in an intersection, and knocking on windows of peoples bathrooms, and when the cops chased him for letting all the 4-H animals out down at the Adams County Fair Grounds in Hastings the night before he got stupid and got married. That is when it dawned on,,,,that crazy SOB is me.
No other dude in this world can say that he was chased by the cops, with a hand in cast, because he smashed it 2 days before at work, and STILL managed to get all the animals out of the 4-H barn to run loose.
But some of that stuff, I wish I remembered half of those funny things I have done. But, in the mean time, I have figured out, I am making a lasting impression on people who meet me, and people who know me. Never a dull moment. Never. But, just take one thing from me, don't be silly, wrap ole willy.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Class Speech
If for some ungodly reason, I was voted to give the big class graduation speech, it would have went something like this.
Fellow Partymates,
Just remember that what you do today, many will not remember tomorrow, so what the hell is the use of homework, and putting in so much time into a class project when you know your only 18 once? Take a day off, enjoy yourself, mom and dad are still forking out the bills, and who gives a crap? Really, you have all the rest of your life to work, who needs college? The only job you HAVE to have a college degree for is the President, and look what kind of people have had that job!! I am way better to tie my time into something else.
Everyone needs to go out and make your family proud, we are loosing interest in the XXX video stores, and naughty stores. The kinky side of America is being closed off, therefore, making the people with these stores filthy rich, so get out, open one up, sell the heck out of everything and bring out some competition. Competition is great, it makes the cost go down so I can personally purchase cheaper.
Never date a girl with more hair on her legs than you. And remember that when you join the service to show your appreciation of free enterprise, and TRAVEL. The best way to go and enjoy another country is on the governments dime. Not only do they pay you to go and have a blast, but they even give you all kinds of crazy holidays off with pay. Then get out, take another government job, collect even more money and retire to open 3 more XXX stores and triple your money.
Obviously wearing sunscreen does nothing for you like that dumb song says, so just party naked, your clothes will come off at the end of the night anywho. So remember, you only have the figure you are going to have while you are 18 once in your life, later in life, kids and fat rolls are going to slow you down. And your will always do more in life than the condom in Susan O'Boyles bedside table.
So take it from me, live, laugh and have sex, or love, in any order. And when you hit your class reunion, remember, you heard it from Redneck Gabe FIRST!!!!
Fellow Partymates,
Just remember that what you do today, many will not remember tomorrow, so what the hell is the use of homework, and putting in so much time into a class project when you know your only 18 once? Take a day off, enjoy yourself, mom and dad are still forking out the bills, and who gives a crap? Really, you have all the rest of your life to work, who needs college? The only job you HAVE to have a college degree for is the President, and look what kind of people have had that job!! I am way better to tie my time into something else.
Everyone needs to go out and make your family proud, we are loosing interest in the XXX video stores, and naughty stores. The kinky side of America is being closed off, therefore, making the people with these stores filthy rich, so get out, open one up, sell the heck out of everything and bring out some competition. Competition is great, it makes the cost go down so I can personally purchase cheaper.
Never date a girl with more hair on her legs than you. And remember that when you join the service to show your appreciation of free enterprise, and TRAVEL. The best way to go and enjoy another country is on the governments dime. Not only do they pay you to go and have a blast, but they even give you all kinds of crazy holidays off with pay. Then get out, take another government job, collect even more money and retire to open 3 more XXX stores and triple your money.
Obviously wearing sunscreen does nothing for you like that dumb song says, so just party naked, your clothes will come off at the end of the night anywho. So remember, you only have the figure you are going to have while you are 18 once in your life, later in life, kids and fat rolls are going to slow you down. And your will always do more in life than the condom in Susan O'Boyles bedside table.
So take it from me, live, laugh and have sex, or love, in any order. And when you hit your class reunion, remember, you heard it from Redneck Gabe FIRST!!!!
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Wtf
So when you start turning older I learned go to a class reunion, you will feel alot better and younger. Some other things I learned, the smell of botox don't make you smarter.
I got to see everything from my gay classmates, my I thought they were smart classmates, and my holy crap did you get held back for 5 years cause your looking old classmates.
From seeing a girl walk out of the mens bathroom, a real girl, one of the honor students. And no other guy was in there, thought maybe she went in for a quicky, but oh no.
And don't introduce me to your boyfriend as this is Gabe, we went to school together. NO SHIT, is that why we are both here? All be damn, thanks for confirming I'm in the right place. But really? GO BLONDE!!!!
And my god, I almost had to dim the lights with all the gray hairs, and chrome domes. But I did learn, don't cover your gray hairs with mascara and go out dancing, especially if you are wearing a white shirt. That's like not wearing underwear and white shorts when you have the shits. I've done some crazy shit, but that is not on my list.
The funny ass things you see and hear will just make you think WTF are they doing in my class? Night two is yet to come, can't wait to see the test of the smart ones, hope their wives are hot.
So I'm off like a prom dress and chasing my child support payments this morning!!!!
I got to see everything from my gay classmates, my I thought they were smart classmates, and my holy crap did you get held back for 5 years cause your looking old classmates.
From seeing a girl walk out of the mens bathroom, a real girl, one of the honor students. And no other guy was in there, thought maybe she went in for a quicky, but oh no.
And don't introduce me to your boyfriend as this is Gabe, we went to school together. NO SHIT, is that why we are both here? All be damn, thanks for confirming I'm in the right place. But really? GO BLONDE!!!!
And my god, I almost had to dim the lights with all the gray hairs, and chrome domes. But I did learn, don't cover your gray hairs with mascara and go out dancing, especially if you are wearing a white shirt. That's like not wearing underwear and white shorts when you have the shits. I've done some crazy shit, but that is not on my list.
The funny ass things you see and hear will just make you think WTF are they doing in my class? Night two is yet to come, can't wait to see the test of the smart ones, hope their wives are hot.
So I'm off like a prom dress and chasing my child support payments this morning!!!!
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