Class Speech

If for some ungodly reason, I was voted to give the big class graduation speech, it would have went something like this.
Fellow Partymates,
Just remember that what you do today, many will not remember tomorrow, so what the hell is the use of homework, and putting in so much time into a class project when you know your only 18 once? Take a day off, enjoy yourself, mom and dad are still forking out the bills, and who gives a crap? Really, you have all the rest of your life to work, who needs college? The only job you HAVE to have a college degree for is the President, and look what kind of people have had that job!! I am way better to tie my time into something else.
Everyone needs to go out and make your family proud, we are loosing interest in the XXX video stores, and naughty stores. The kinky side of America is being closed off, therefore, making the people with these stores filthy rich, so get out, open one up, sell the heck out of everything and bring out some competition. Competition is great, it makes the cost go down so I can personally purchase cheaper.
Never date a girl with more hair on her legs than you. And remember that when you join the service to show your appreciation of free enterprise, and TRAVEL. The best way to go and enjoy another country is on the governments dime. Not only do they pay you to go and have a blast, but they even give you all kinds of crazy holidays off with pay. Then get out, take another government job, collect even more money and retire to open 3 more XXX stores and triple your money.
Obviously wearing sunscreen does nothing for you like that dumb song says, so just party naked, your clothes will come off at the end of the night anywho. So remember, you only have the figure you are going to have while you are 18 once in your life, later in life, kids and fat rolls are going to slow you down. And your will always do more in life than the condom in Susan O'Boyles bedside table.
So take it from me, live, laugh and have sex, or love, in any order. And when you hit your class reunion, remember, you heard it from Redneck Gabe FIRST!!!!