Thanksgiving Prayer

Dear Old Man Upstairs,

I pray for this turkey that he had a good ride to the meat plant, and he didn't loose many feathers. I pray that the guy that handled him didn't pick his nose before playing with this bird. I also want to thank you for making their butts big enough for my hand to fit in, or I don't know how we would remove them gimlets.
I pray that some dog we don't know didn't take a pee on this cranberry bush which our cranberries were picked off of. And that some little Chinese kid didn't work past the child labor laws to harvest them for us.
I want to thank you for running water, if it wasn't for running water all these guest would smell like a spoiled bird. Thank you for giving man the idea of the fork and the Indians the idea of a knife, that's about it sir, this shit smells to good to keep going on.
Amen.