Pinkeye?

I woke up with a piece of sand in my damn eyeball, or maybe it was a seed, well anyways, there was something in my damn eye. So, off to the mirror I went, and yep, I am still so sexy the mirror whistles at me. I didn't find a damn in my eye, so, doing what normal men do, I RUBBED it,,,,my eye damn it. Not the thing to do, for some reason, it made it itch worse, and turn all red, and some poop was coming out of it. The poop,,,
WTF, who decided that poop in the eye is the cause of pinkeye? That is stupid, that's as dumb as an old man with one leg trying to play soccer. I have not, will not, do not, have shit in my eye. There is no way, I ain't a dog, so I cant take my tongue down there to play. God, could you imagine if we could? Holy crap, I would have to work from home. For all my life I knew God was teasing us when me made it so we only get within 3 inches of it. Okay, dang it, now I'm as excited as a armless guy getting his new prostetic.
Well, the good thing is Dr. said there was no shit in my eye, but then he added, no shit in either eye, but you got yourself some pink eye. Then he sated that clymedia is also a cause, hummmmm, how would doc know I'm a male whore? Just like Facebook knows I watch porn, just like a cooler, keeping hot stuff hot and cold stuff cold, how does it know?
Well, so now I got some drops for the swollen up eye, I look like I got hit in the eye by a hooker I forgot to pay. Obviously,,,,no tip either. But, don't be silly wrap ole willy.