Seriously only me

Well, in this great big world, what are the odds of meeting a gay guy with no teeth? Let me ask that again, in my world, how the hell do I meet these people? I am telling you, if a carnival lemonade stand person is in town, they have this special magnet that draws them into me. Maybe they just want to be famous.
So I walk into a building downtown to meet someone about a sign, and he isn't there. BUT, out pops this little guy, all scruffy, maybe he forgot whisker burn isn't allowed. I tell him what I am doing and who I'm working for, and I understood NOT A DAMN WORD. All I heard was some moaning, and seen some lips move, but not to far. If I could of found something other than my dip to share with him so I could understand him better, by God I would be on it like a stain on Monica Lewinsky's dress. But my names not Bill, so that didn't happen, and I don't share my Copenhagen with just anyone.
And he's just a babbling away, and me liking to read people, starting picking up a weird vibe on my gaydar. One of those vibes where I better watch a little closer, and YEP, he did it, that little toothless folker winked at me. After that, there was an asshole clinch up, and then his wrist started flipping. The only thing I could think of, was man, he has no teeth to drag, didn't take me long to figure it if he was a giver or taker. I mean, a taker, not like the kind that takes a tip from the offering plate, but a genuine grab my ankles and spell RUN.
Most of you know me, and know I really ain't scared of nobody, and people are people. I respect them, some are confused, and some just can't break and ask a woman out. I have gay buddies, and nothing is wrong with them, but of all due respect, I am as STRAIGHT as a carbon arrow, and you can pick that up right away, especially with tequila, cause clothes start flying. But once you step inside my bubble with a hit, or pick up line, you are fair game for me to just unleash. And I did, but obviously he likes it rough, cause he came from around the corner, and I glued my ass to the wall, to mumble to me more. Case closed, dudes not in, I'm gone there buddy, I will call before I stop by again. But if you happen to find "HIM", don't be silly, wrap ole willy.