Storms

I tell ya one thing, nothing says big storms like seeing the weather channel vehicles in town. I got my Billy Bob teeth in, coveralls on, non-matching shoes, and I am on the hunt for CNN to tell them,,,,SOUNDED LIKE A DAMN TRAIN. It has been raining harder than the KKK throwing pitchforks at the White House around here lately. I was sitting out on the deck last night, and watching some fireflies in the sky, and all of a sudden, a dang bolt was coming right for me. With my ninja like reflexes, I jumped inside so it didn't hit me. I got lucky, I tell ya, if that storm was about 50 miles closer, it would have hit me for sure. It was a near miss.
I like to sit outside and listen to the thunder, it reminds me of when we use to push my Uncle with a wooden leg down the steps. It would be close to that childhood experience, but I don't have to clean up a mess after it's done. I don't know who pissed off who, but the weather dude said people in heaven were throwing baseballs down. Talk about being one of the lucky kids with a helmet on. Man, thought I needed a V-8 would cross your mind before your eyes crossed.
I find it hard for me not to want to just watch people come out of Walmart dodging baseballs. That would be awesome, nothing like a pitching machine set up at the main entrance doors. Man, that gives me a heck of an idea. It would like like a pack of angry hippo's playing soccer inside the dang store with hail like that. But what I always wondered, they know what size it is, and for some reason, what I think of is WHO is the dumbass to go outside during the storm to get some of that hail and measure it? I was born at night, but not last night. Talk about a bad hair day.
Oh, on the other hand, I met Larry the Cable Guys sister, Moley. It had to be here, wearing a hammock that appeared to be a thong, and all covered in moles. I mean this chick looked like she got shot by a 12 gauge with bird shot. She had more moles than a ginger has freckles. But I was safe, I wasn't silly and wrapped ole willy. Now I gotta tell Larry, man he taught her how to be good in bed.