Taking a couple weeks off is about to settle inside my head and make it so I am on anti psych meds,,,,,again. I had to stop the first time cause I kept biting my tongue when I was rolling it. Guess, some of you will be on Google to find that side effect, hummm, how's it feel to be dumber than a redneck? Take that and pluck your chicken. So, I'm watching this show on TV, magine that, named Ninja Warrior. What the hell? Not a one of these dudes can be blinded by dental floss, not a one has a tan good enough for food stamps, and none of them are in a GeeGee, or what the hell ever that sewn up sheet is called.
They think they can be ninja? Crap, I'm ninja, I can get into a chicks pants quicker than she can spit out her last 3 hair colors. Now that's fast, and for some requires some thinking, in which if you are still thinking, damn blonde's. We use to do that kind of shit out in the school lot when I was a kid, we didn't do it to be cool, or be on TV. Back in those day's, we wanted to dance like zombies, on Thriller, while wearing a glove and grabbing our nuts to sing real high.
I have done more crazy crap on accident then these dudes stage. Let's add some fun to it. I wanna sit on the sideline, toss some throwing stars, and wing some butterfly knives at em, lets see what they got. I don't wanna watch some mushy kid in love with his mom try to be Ninja, freaking snakes are Ninja, that's the only reason they sneak up on you, being on TV, especially a show, does not make you sneaky. But, while you are on the show, and I'm sitting next to your girl, getting her clothes off with my Ninja button flips, I'll think about ya and not be silly, and wrap my willy.
Showing posts with label ninja. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ninja. Show all posts
Monday, June 18, 2012
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Storms
I tell ya one thing, nothing says big storms like seeing the weather channel vehicles in town. I got my Billy Bob teeth in, coveralls on, non-matching shoes, and I am on the hunt for CNN to tell them,,,,SOUNDED LIKE A DAMN TRAIN. It has been raining harder than the KKK throwing pitchforks at the White House around here lately. I was sitting out on the deck last night, and watching some fireflies in the sky, and all of a sudden, a dang bolt was coming right for me. With my ninja like reflexes, I jumped inside so it didn't hit me. I got lucky, I tell ya, if that storm was about 50 miles closer, it would have hit me for sure. It was a near miss.
I like to sit outside and listen to the thunder, it reminds me of when we use to push my Uncle with a wooden leg down the steps. It would be close to that childhood experience, but I don't have to clean up a mess after it's done. I don't know who pissed off who, but the weather dude said people in heaven were throwing baseballs down. Talk about being one of the lucky kids with a helmet on. Man, thought I needed a V-8 would cross your mind before your eyes crossed.
I find it hard for me not to want to just watch people come out of Walmart dodging baseballs. That would be awesome, nothing like a pitching machine set up at the main entrance doors. Man, that gives me a heck of an idea. It would like like a pack of angry hippo's playing soccer inside the dang store with hail like that. But what I always wondered, they know what size it is, and for some reason, what I think of is WHO is the dumbass to go outside during the storm to get some of that hail and measure it? I was born at night, but not last night. Talk about a bad hair day.
Oh, on the other hand, I met Larry the Cable Guys sister, Moley. It had to be here, wearing a hammock that appeared to be a thong, and all covered in moles. I mean this chick looked like she got shot by a 12 gauge with bird shot. She had more moles than a ginger has freckles. But I was safe, I wasn't silly and wrapped ole willy. Now I gotta tell Larry, man he taught her how to be good in bed.
I like to sit outside and listen to the thunder, it reminds me of when we use to push my Uncle with a wooden leg down the steps. It would be close to that childhood experience, but I don't have to clean up a mess after it's done. I don't know who pissed off who, but the weather dude said people in heaven were throwing baseballs down. Talk about being one of the lucky kids with a helmet on. Man, thought I needed a V-8 would cross your mind before your eyes crossed.
I find it hard for me not to want to just watch people come out of Walmart dodging baseballs. That would be awesome, nothing like a pitching machine set up at the main entrance doors. Man, that gives me a heck of an idea. It would like like a pack of angry hippo's playing soccer inside the dang store with hail like that. But what I always wondered, they know what size it is, and for some reason, what I think of is WHO is the dumbass to go outside during the storm to get some of that hail and measure it? I was born at night, but not last night. Talk about a bad hair day.
Oh, on the other hand, I met Larry the Cable Guys sister, Moley. It had to be here, wearing a hammock that appeared to be a thong, and all covered in moles. I mean this chick looked like she got shot by a 12 gauge with bird shot. She had more moles than a ginger has freckles. But I was safe, I wasn't silly and wrapped ole willy. Now I gotta tell Larry, man he taught her how to be good in bed.
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