Zombies

I really don't understand this zombie craze,  but heck,  there's a lot of things I don't understand.  I'm just waiting for some dumb tv network to make a chasing zombies reality program so people will really have something to talk about.  We already have a "I can't find a date on my own so I'm gonna get one",  a "ima teenager pregnant because I know it all",  the toothless dudes wrestling gators,  Billy Badass the bug killer,  straight guy for a queer eye,  and of course,  I told you there's a dude on bathsalts dressed up as an ape in the woods.
That's all we need,  to take a bunch of kids snipe hunting in a cemetery,  scaring the hell out of them,  making them run around going crazy because they heard something.  Then,  there's me,  wrap me up in toilet paper and I will run around shaking tents. How do you like me now?  I guess that really wouldn't be an issue as long as they don't bring flowers home for their mom.  If people really woke from the dead,  don't ya think Elvis would be back to slap Lisa Marie for marrying Michael Jackson?  Cause I sure do.  I also think my ex wife's grandma would come back and crack her in the head with an urn. Shingle that is,  the one that got caught being nailed by a mexican. 
And did you ever notice that zombies are white? Maybe because they lost their teeth and we can't see the black ones smile in the dark. But what if? Imagine a bunch of Pedro and Juans running around chanting Spanish being zombies.  Talk about speaking in tongues,  and knowing we are officially over ran in our country. 
I don't get the craze,  I don't know why,  I guess Jesus would be a zombie since he rose from the dead. I wonder if zombie hookers are cheaper?  I'll check into that.  If you neat me to it,  remember don't be silly wrap ole willy,  we don't want any half zombies out there.  But on the other hand,  when a republican president gets voted in,  we killed the motto "once ya go black you never go back".

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Ninja Warrior

Taking a couple weeks off is about to settle inside my head and make it so I am on anti psych meds,,,,,again. I had to stop the first time cause I kept biting my tongue when I was rolling it. Guess, some of you will be on Google to find that side effect, hummm, how's it feel to be dumber than a redneck? Take that and pluck your chicken. So, I'm watching this show on TV, magine that, named Ninja Warrior. What the hell? Not a one of these dudes can be blinded by dental floss, not a one has a tan good enough for food stamps, and none of them are in a GeeGee, or what the hell ever that sewn up sheet is called.
They think they can be ninja? Crap, I'm ninja, I can get into a chicks pants quicker than she can spit out her last 3 hair colors. Now that's fast, and for some requires some thinking, in which if you are still thinking, damn blonde's. We use to do that kind of shit out in the school lot when I was a kid, we didn't do it to be cool, or be on TV. Back in those day's, we wanted to dance like zombies, on Thriller, while wearing a glove and grabbing our nuts to sing real high.
I have done more crazy crap on accident then these dudes stage. Let's add some fun to it. I wanna sit on the sideline, toss some throwing stars, and wing some butterfly knives at em, lets see what they got. I don't wanna watch some mushy kid in love with his mom try to be Ninja, freaking snakes are Ninja, that's the only reason they sneak up on you, being on TV, especially a show, does not make you sneaky. But, while you are on the show, and I'm sitting next to your girl, getting her clothes off with my Ninja button flips, I'll think about ya and not be silly, and wrap my willy.