Zombies

I really don't understand this zombie craze,  but heck,  there's a lot of things I don't understand.  I'm just waiting for some dumb tv network to make a chasing zombies reality program so people will really have something to talk about.  We already have a "I can't find a date on my own so I'm gonna get one",  a "ima teenager pregnant because I know it all",  the toothless dudes wrestling gators,  Billy Badass the bug killer,  straight guy for a queer eye,  and of course,  I told you there's a dude on bathsalts dressed up as an ape in the woods.
That's all we need,  to take a bunch of kids snipe hunting in a cemetery,  scaring the hell out of them,  making them run around going crazy because they heard something.  Then,  there's me,  wrap me up in toilet paper and I will run around shaking tents. How do you like me now?  I guess that really wouldn't be an issue as long as they don't bring flowers home for their mom.  If people really woke from the dead,  don't ya think Elvis would be back to slap Lisa Marie for marrying Michael Jackson?  Cause I sure do.  I also think my ex wife's grandma would come back and crack her in the head with an urn. Shingle that is,  the one that got caught being nailed by a mexican. 
And did you ever notice that zombies are white? Maybe because they lost their teeth and we can't see the black ones smile in the dark. But what if? Imagine a bunch of Pedro and Juans running around chanting Spanish being zombies.  Talk about speaking in tongues,  and knowing we are officially over ran in our country. 
I don't get the craze,  I don't know why,  I guess Jesus would be a zombie since he rose from the dead. I wonder if zombie hookers are cheaper?  I'll check into that.  If you neat me to it,  remember don't be silly wrap ole willy,  we don't want any half zombies out there.  But on the other hand,  when a republican president gets voted in,  we killed the motto "once ya go black you never go back".

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.6

Modays

Who ever came up with working on Mondays obviously was nothing thinking with the right head. I believe it was a guy who took the last woman standing home from the bar, and decided that was his only escape. That's a crock of crap if you ask me. First off, NOBODY takes the last one standing, with the hairy nipples, and croutons in her belly button. But anywho.
After hitting the road, I myself don't really have a day to sleep in. So, what I am going to do, is beings our current President prays 5 times a day, at 10 minutes a prayer, that give's us normal people an hour. He works out about 2 hours a day, so now we have 3, and then has some family time with his girls, surely he is a super dad with our tax payers gas and goes and gets them from school, so theres another hour. Now we have 4, and add one for lunch. So, I'm sure that he drinks lots of water, which kills another hour in the bathroom. Then, obviously he has friends he chats with, so now I have 8. So, if we all just bitch loud enough, and sign some petitions, we can just have us a 3 day weekend, because our fearless leader spends 8 hours a day goofing off. What is 8 hours to us, when he does it everyday.
Someone has to be there to collect the tax money coming in, so he gets paid. Well, what has he given to me? Notta a damn thing, I didn't even get a birthday card. But actually, I would have sent it back, just to save the stamp with my email address on the back, send it free there chicken leg eater!! So, from now on, when we are stumbling out of bed, to work, think all be damn, Gabe was right, we should just all get together and have a day off. WTF, the bank isn't even open today, now that really has me going. Damn, so don't be silly wrap ole willy.