Everything in the world is for sale if the price is right, and someone has money. Since money don't grow on every tree in a backyard, they need to go global with the sale of something extraordinary. Take Elvis underware for example. First off, how we know it was really Elvis that wore them? Does it come complete with the DVD addition, remake, of Elvis Gone Wild? And then to take and add complete with stains? Really? Maybe we should take a stain, and have a DNA analysis done on it just to show the stain is really Elvis. Now that there stain would be a Hunk a Hunk a Burning britches.
If I had enough money to waste on someone elses 40 year old shit stain in their supposed undies, I would by Madonna's. Sure Elvis is probably a better bargain, or bigger piece for dollar than hers, but man, that would be the only way I would ever be allowed in them. So now in the news, we get to check out how much Elvis shit stained drawers are on auction. What is this crazy world coming to? Next will be Kim K. auctioning off a blow job, oh wait, she hasn't found out she can make money on those yet, she still don't charge.
I can see shoes, cars, his HOT ASS DAUGHTER, house, but really, we have stooped to a new low world, we are now selling shit stained drawers online and some idiot is going to pay big money for something they can't really prove. I have some awesome Oceanside property on an island down in the Bahamas for sale, comes with a boat dock, I just don't take any pictures cause I leave all my problems behind when I go there, maybe I should sell that.
If you are even putting on a bid for some dirty drawers, just hold your hat, I have some non-stained, ball sweated one's I can sell ya for half the price, and they are a heck of a lot fresher beings I'm still alive. Heck, I'll even swing by Taco Bell right quick before I ship them so you can have a stain too. In the mean time, now that you are thinking of undies, and I'm hot on Madonna's, if she even wears any, don't be silly wrap ole willy before someone finds something else wild and crazy to sell.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Pre-Schooler to change name?
So much for the idea that my kids can get a good education from my hometown. I tell ya, they are busting the chops of a deaf kid in pre-school he needs to change his name because it looks like a gun when he signs it. Well, let me show you a double barreled sign language that you may understand. The ole middle finger hello. With all the news getting out about it, I just wanted to sit and let ya know what I think.
First off, we don't decided what to name our kids after they conduct the hearing test at birth. I mean, really, stop and think well if he can hear we can name him something easy and that don't look like something else. You don't be hating when the school you represent rolls out a cannon at a football game. You trying to teach our kids it's okay to roll outside and fire off a bang when someone scores. Imagine being by a whorehouse hearing all them bangs. I guess we should ask the idiots up in the main building how they decided to name their kid. Sure hope none of them have a Hunter in their family.
This all goes back to playing the cards your dealt with. The kid is 3 year's old and knows sign language, I'm 40 and don't, I know some, but nothing that he does. I'm sure more than half the administrators don't either. So, why are we paying someone to sit in a chair, read papers of how everything is going, because as long as it's good on paper that's all the counts. Obviously they were reading papers or they would have never ran across the sign language book that showed what it really was in sign. Or maybe they just ran across them at the store and said "hey, I'll have something to do at work tomorrow trying to make the kids parents change his name and look like a fool in front of America." Now that's someone I'm proud of to sit in a tax payers seat.
As a comic I have a heart, not every kid chooses to have a disability, and not all diabilities were from birth. But to think someone has the horns poking out their head to stop and want to cause something so drastic to a kid that does is outright unruly, and uncalled for. I guess while they are sitting and reading all the media, and getting slapped in the face, I hope some attorney is pounding on the door of the kids house. These people have rights, just as you have the right to work, but I guess I don't really have to go into it, because karma will come around, Hunter will have his way paid thru college, and you will have a name known by the world. Oh, maybe I can't say world because in sign language it looks like you are making fun of fat people, and hurts your feelings.
I guess when they write a book on my town, it will be titled, The Mayor and School System, the How Not to Book for Nebraskans. All I know is the Mayor is in his office wiping the sweat off his brow the media finally has something other than him to get in this town. Maybe we will be lucky and he can show his wisdom at a Fire Station in support of the schools. That would be icing on the cake, don't be silly wrap ole willy.
First off, we don't decided what to name our kids after they conduct the hearing test at birth. I mean, really, stop and think well if he can hear we can name him something easy and that don't look like something else. You don't be hating when the school you represent rolls out a cannon at a football game. You trying to teach our kids it's okay to roll outside and fire off a bang when someone scores. Imagine being by a whorehouse hearing all them bangs. I guess we should ask the idiots up in the main building how they decided to name their kid. Sure hope none of them have a Hunter in their family.
This all goes back to playing the cards your dealt with. The kid is 3 year's old and knows sign language, I'm 40 and don't, I know some, but nothing that he does. I'm sure more than half the administrators don't either. So, why are we paying someone to sit in a chair, read papers of how everything is going, because as long as it's good on paper that's all the counts. Obviously they were reading papers or they would have never ran across the sign language book that showed what it really was in sign. Or maybe they just ran across them at the store and said "hey, I'll have something to do at work tomorrow trying to make the kids parents change his name and look like a fool in front of America." Now that's someone I'm proud of to sit in a tax payers seat.
As a comic I have a heart, not every kid chooses to have a disability, and not all diabilities were from birth. But to think someone has the horns poking out their head to stop and want to cause something so drastic to a kid that does is outright unruly, and uncalled for. I guess while they are sitting and reading all the media, and getting slapped in the face, I hope some attorney is pounding on the door of the kids house. These people have rights, just as you have the right to work, but I guess I don't really have to go into it, because karma will come around, Hunter will have his way paid thru college, and you will have a name known by the world. Oh, maybe I can't say world because in sign language it looks like you are making fun of fat people, and hurts your feelings.
I guess when they write a book on my town, it will be titled, The Mayor and School System, the How Not to Book for Nebraskans. All I know is the Mayor is in his office wiping the sweat off his brow the media finally has something other than him to get in this town. Maybe we will be lucky and he can show his wisdom at a Fire Station in support of the schools. That would be icing on the cake, don't be silly wrap ole willy.
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Firestorm Fest Lincoln, NE
Of all things to be part of, I'm telling ya, to help out some firemen and people who have lost everything in a wildfire has to list among the top of my performances. Not because I was a fireman for some years, and I still can't use my hose without Viagra to keep from getting my shoes wet. So these dudes, and dudettes, asked me to be part, and then we have some bands gonna come out, it sound more like a Nuthouse Fest if you ask me.
Almost 7, now who the hell would have thought of a name like that? If that was my band, it would be Almost 420, that will weedwack em. And a band for god sakes, all of us know bands don't start until about 8 or 9 at night anywho, it probably was a bass guitar player that came up with that name, had to be, unless the drummer was pounding away and thought, damn, I almost had 7 beats going on all at once. But rock on, cause it's gonna start at 8.
Idle Minds, this is a band name that scares the hell out of me. If I didn't know better, I would swear my ex wife named that one. But I know she can't play, hard to play guitar or any instrument on your back. OUCH. Hints the EX. Talk about some great music gonna come out of these non thinking pickers, hope they ain't a Greatful Dead Tribute, cause that would be in the right mind also. Wonder is there is a blonde in this band, heck, if they can remember the song lyrics I'm gonna have to drink one to them.
Ivy Garden, don't this sound like a stripper name? I can think of all kinds of gardens, but really, IVY? Must be from a bad rash they got one night down at the river naked, like some poison ivy on the ole buttcheeks, or heck, even in the garden. Where I come from, there ain't no IVY in the garden, we pull that crap. Maybe when they grow up they want to be Cypress Garden, guess we all have to start from somewhere, thank God I got my start with a pole.
And we are gonna have some popcorn at the even, Orville is coming, and gonna play some pop music to the beat of a different drum. They better pack up some extra g-strings, cause popcorn makes these Nebraska women ready to tear crap up. I guess they don't have a last or second name, I never knew an Orville all by itself, and to dig up ole popcorn daddy and take his pic for your cover was as wrong as the Dr giving you a colostomy bag when you have no arms. Talk about aggression.
Shot down in flames is gonna be the last crazy name we have here, and man can I deal with that name. One night I went out to get me a sex doll down on the corner, and not only did I get shot down like a Stinger Missile hit my ass, but I got me a free stay at the Hall County Bed and Breakfast. I better just show up with some chicken sandwiches in case they do happen to take the Flame part alittle far.
So, basically, what we have is a Redneck named Orville who grew a Ivy Garden About 7 because he had an Idol Mind, and the damn garden got Shot Down in Flames. So, don't be silly wrap ole willy, and get your ass out here and let's figure out who these kats are and what baby name book they were reading about 420 my time.
Almost 7, now who the hell would have thought of a name like that? If that was my band, it would be Almost 420, that will weedwack em. And a band for god sakes, all of us know bands don't start until about 8 or 9 at night anywho, it probably was a bass guitar player that came up with that name, had to be, unless the drummer was pounding away and thought, damn, I almost had 7 beats going on all at once. But rock on, cause it's gonna start at 8.
Idle Minds, this is a band name that scares the hell out of me. If I didn't know better, I would swear my ex wife named that one. But I know she can't play, hard to play guitar or any instrument on your back. OUCH. Hints the EX. Talk about some great music gonna come out of these non thinking pickers, hope they ain't a Greatful Dead Tribute, cause that would be in the right mind also. Wonder is there is a blonde in this band, heck, if they can remember the song lyrics I'm gonna have to drink one to them.
Ivy Garden, don't this sound like a stripper name? I can think of all kinds of gardens, but really, IVY? Must be from a bad rash they got one night down at the river naked, like some poison ivy on the ole buttcheeks, or heck, even in the garden. Where I come from, there ain't no IVY in the garden, we pull that crap. Maybe when they grow up they want to be Cypress Garden, guess we all have to start from somewhere, thank God I got my start with a pole.
And we are gonna have some popcorn at the even, Orville is coming, and gonna play some pop music to the beat of a different drum. They better pack up some extra g-strings, cause popcorn makes these Nebraska women ready to tear crap up. I guess they don't have a last or second name, I never knew an Orville all by itself, and to dig up ole popcorn daddy and take his pic for your cover was as wrong as the Dr giving you a colostomy bag when you have no arms. Talk about aggression.
Shot down in flames is gonna be the last crazy name we have here, and man can I deal with that name. One night I went out to get me a sex doll down on the corner, and not only did I get shot down like a Stinger Missile hit my ass, but I got me a free stay at the Hall County Bed and Breakfast. I better just show up with some chicken sandwiches in case they do happen to take the Flame part alittle far.
So, basically, what we have is a Redneck named Orville who grew a Ivy Garden About 7 because he had an Idol Mind, and the damn garden got Shot Down in Flames. So, don't be silly wrap ole willy, and get your ass out here and let's figure out who these kats are and what baby name book they were reading about 420 my time.
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