Diamonds are 4eva

So, as I was out and about Christmas doing my shopping because the Mayans SUCK and didn't save me any money. I noticed how many suckers there were in the bling bling shops. Now, first off, dudes, I know alot about bling bling, and I'm now going to share with you, for what it's worth.
When you go into a store and there is a karat ring for $5,000, and one for $10,000 I always ask, why the hell. So, the little Indian, with a dot, gives me this pirate looking device to check out the clarity. Do yo see that speckle in the diamond. Absolutely NOT, but I do see a dickhead on the other side of the counter trying to screw me. Now, really, when people walk around with one of these one eye telescope ring blasters on their eyes, I will worry about it. Until then, I am getting what I want. And then he has nothing to say.
And ladies, if a dude buys you a huge ring for any occasion, he's cheating. If you don't believe me, just ask Kobe. And if you have a little ring, that is the guy that really needs you, not only because he thinks little things matter, but the fact he also could use an additional income, so keep on working.
And WTF is up with this I need to upgrade shit? Come on, every year?? Really?? How many times have us men been fooled by our ladies buying those brownie candles, and we walk in thinking she has cooked for us, only to find out we are going to be drooling on ourselves, tummy gurgling, craving brownies all night all because of a damn candle? That's pig crap if you ask me. You want to do something cool, go buy a diamond upgrade scented candle and burn that bitch all day before she get's home. Same thing. Exactly the same thing.
So, the next time you are out just wondering around, go ahead and take the cheaper diamond, it's not like she ain't gonna want a bigger one next year, so start small, REAL small and work your way up, and in the mean time, I am going to work out a fragrance for this diamond upgrade bullshit all the ladies have been tricked into believing to keep up with the Jones. If you want to do something neat and unique, knock her up, nothing say's I love you more than having her waddle around for 9 months with your "I got laid trophy".
But all leading to all, never trust the Indian with the dot on the other side of the counter trying to sell you clarity you can't see with the naked eye, burn candles, and remember, a ring don't close a hole, but a rock does. Until then, don't be silly, wrap ole willy, unless ya want a trophy!!!! Diamonds are 4 eva bullshit, diamonds are great until next year!!!