So, as I was out and about Christmas doing my shopping because the Mayans SUCK and didn't save me any money. I noticed how many suckers there were in the bling bling shops. Now, first off, dudes, I know alot about bling bling, and I'm now going to share with you, for what it's worth.
When you go into a store and there is a karat ring for $5,000, and one for $10,000 I always ask, why the hell. So, the little Indian, with a dot, gives me this pirate looking device to check out the clarity. Do yo see that speckle in the diamond. Absolutely NOT, but I do see a dickhead on the other side of the counter trying to screw me. Now, really, when people walk around with one of these one eye telescope ring blasters on their eyes, I will worry about it. Until then, I am getting what I want. And then he has nothing to say.
And ladies, if a dude buys you a huge ring for any occasion, he's cheating. If you don't believe me, just ask Kobe. And if you have a little ring, that is the guy that really needs you, not only because he thinks little things matter, but the fact he also could use an additional income, so keep on working.
And WTF is up with this I need to upgrade shit? Come on, every year?? Really?? How many times have us men been fooled by our ladies buying those brownie candles, and we walk in thinking she has cooked for us, only to find out we are going to be drooling on ourselves, tummy gurgling, craving brownies all night all because of a damn candle? That's pig crap if you ask me. You want to do something cool, go buy a diamond upgrade scented candle and burn that bitch all day before she get's home. Same thing. Exactly the same thing.
So, the next time you are out just wondering around, go ahead and take the cheaper diamond, it's not like she ain't gonna want a bigger one next year, so start small, REAL small and work your way up, and in the mean time, I am going to work out a fragrance for this diamond upgrade bullshit all the ladies have been tricked into believing to keep up with the Jones. If you want to do something neat and unique, knock her up, nothing say's I love you more than having her waddle around for 9 months with your "I got laid trophy".
But all leading to all, never trust the Indian with the dot on the other side of the counter trying to sell you clarity you can't see with the naked eye, burn candles, and remember, a ring don't close a hole, but a rock does. Until then, don't be silly, wrap ole willy, unless ya want a trophy!!!! Diamonds are 4 eva bullshit, diamonds are great until next year!!!
Showing posts with label married. Show all posts
Showing posts with label married. Show all posts
Monday, January 7, 2013
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Being Single
I tell ya what, this single stuff is actually funnier than taking a group of handicap kids to a strip joint. I just can't believe myself that some people don't share so well. I mean, back in the day, in my church, I learned to share, but I guess times changed and I forgot to put in an address change for the memo. I tell ya what, I am about tired of one of my woman's husband coming over to pick her up early.
Nothing is more frustrating than a husband knocking at your door when your knocking the bed. Have some respect dude, I don't want her permanently or I would be married, ya know, just saying. Heck. But everywhere ya go, all be damn if you can find one of them old fashion ladies. Remember the ones that wouldn't take you on Maury, or Divorce Court, or even the ones that won't call Joey with Cheaters. I mean, them honest to goodness girls that just run around in a mini skirt, with no panties. That's my crowd.
But all these girls now, man I tell ya, they got more drama than Hollywood, and just try to latch on, I don't want a klingon, if I did, I wouldn't be changing my undies twice a day. I tell ya, I have had some bad farts, them kind that just make ya............those kind that trot right down your leg. I guess they say it's from not eating the right foods. So when I go to Walmart, I actually walk the isle's now, I guess that end cap food isn't good for your pooper. But I tell ya what, maybe I need to find me one that knows how to cook, and not in a microwave, oh, that goes back to old fashion girl too. Heck, I just better be quiet and send her out, her old man is getting done with golf league. I love golf league players. Just remember, no muff to tuff, and don't be silly, wrap ole willy.
Nothing is more frustrating than a husband knocking at your door when your knocking the bed. Have some respect dude, I don't want her permanently or I would be married, ya know, just saying. Heck. But everywhere ya go, all be damn if you can find one of them old fashion ladies. Remember the ones that wouldn't take you on Maury, or Divorce Court, or even the ones that won't call Joey with Cheaters. I mean, them honest to goodness girls that just run around in a mini skirt, with no panties. That's my crowd.
But all these girls now, man I tell ya, they got more drama than Hollywood, and just try to latch on, I don't want a klingon, if I did, I wouldn't be changing my undies twice a day. I tell ya, I have had some bad farts, them kind that just make ya............those kind that trot right down your leg. I guess they say it's from not eating the right foods. So when I go to Walmart, I actually walk the isle's now, I guess that end cap food isn't good for your pooper. But I tell ya what, maybe I need to find me one that knows how to cook, and not in a microwave, oh, that goes back to old fashion girl too. Heck, I just better be quiet and send her out, her old man is getting done with golf league. I love golf league players. Just remember, no muff to tuff, and don't be silly, wrap ole willy.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Does it hurt?
I tell ya what. Sometimes in life we do things that just lead banging our heads against a brick wall. Kinda like, everytime I pick someone, they are either married or engaged, what the hell, where did I pick up this ring deal? It wasn't until a few days ago I learned that the girls with rings are not up for hire. Well, gosh, whoever made that rule was dumb.
In my world, a guy is much more aware if you are single or not by having something on your finger to catch our eye. Nothing like looking at a chick, and then that bling bling catches ya right out the corner of your eye, so then ya talk. Well, that was my concept, I was wondering how the hell we got all these ring bearing single females in this one goat 3 chicken town. But, man oh man. Then they break the news they wanna just work it out.
Talk about hurt, hurts worse than shutting your hand in a car door. Frustrates me more than a nun in a Johava Witness wild wild Kingdom Hall. I tell ya, ya buy me books and buy my books and all I do is eat the pages.
But still, whoever made that rule was dumb. But now, what the hell am I going to do if she a tiny right that I didn't see because I am male and blind? I guess that gives me more crap to write later. So, whatever, if you finally make it out of the bathroom without a grin and just greased hands, don't be silly, wrap ole willy.
In my world, a guy is much more aware if you are single or not by having something on your finger to catch our eye. Nothing like looking at a chick, and then that bling bling catches ya right out the corner of your eye, so then ya talk. Well, that was my concept, I was wondering how the hell we got all these ring bearing single females in this one goat 3 chicken town. But, man oh man. Then they break the news they wanna just work it out.
Talk about hurt, hurts worse than shutting your hand in a car door. Frustrates me more than a nun in a Johava Witness wild wild Kingdom Hall. I tell ya, ya buy me books and buy my books and all I do is eat the pages.
But still, whoever made that rule was dumb. But now, what the hell am I going to do if she a tiny right that I didn't see because I am male and blind? I guess that gives me more crap to write later. So, whatever, if you finally make it out of the bathroom without a grin and just greased hands, don't be silly, wrap ole willy.
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