Being Single

I tell ya what, this single stuff is actually funnier than taking a group of handicap kids to a strip joint. I just can't believe myself that some people don't share so well. I mean, back in the day, in my church, I learned to share, but I guess times changed and I forgot to put in an address change for the memo. I tell ya what, I am about tired of one of my woman's husband coming over to pick her up early.
Nothing is more frustrating than a husband knocking at your door when your knocking the bed. Have some respect dude, I don't want her permanently or I would be married, ya know, just saying. Heck. But everywhere ya go, all be damn if you can find one of them old fashion ladies. Remember the ones that wouldn't take you on Maury, or Divorce Court, or even the ones that won't call Joey with Cheaters. I mean, them honest to goodness girls that just run around in a mini skirt, with no panties. That's my crowd.
But all these girls now, man I tell ya, they got more drama than Hollywood, and just try to latch on, I don't want a klingon, if I did, I wouldn't be changing my undies twice a day. I tell ya, I have had some bad farts, them kind that just make ya............those kind that trot right down your leg. I guess they say it's from not eating the right foods. So when I go to Walmart, I actually walk the isle's now, I guess that end cap food isn't good for your pooper. But I tell ya what, maybe I need to find me one that knows how to cook, and not in a microwave, oh, that goes back to old fashion girl too. Heck, I just better be quiet and send her out, her old man is getting done with golf league. I love golf league players. Just remember, no muff to tuff, and don't be silly, wrap ole willy.

Maury

We have the modern day Barney and Clyde, we have Bieber bitch on the radio, we have so many things on the tube now days. But one thing we have that nobody else does, is YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER.
Nothings is better than watching some ghetto, Kim Kirdashian wanna be take about 3 guys in for a DNA test because she can't remember who she slept with when, but she still don't believe she is a HO. I love to watch the ole Tupac wanna be's jump around and yell "toll ya, toll ya" like they weren't sweating like President Obama in the middle of a KKK ralley. Really? Come on, I was born at night but not last night. Not even the night before, thinking on that.
So, pal, don't be silly wrap ole willy, but wait, you won't be the Maury Star you always dreamed of if you do that. So, stop and think, look at what you are doing to yourself. You want your homeboys running up to you saying, Oh bro, I sawed you on Maury, way to pull it off bro. That that make you tickle like peach rolling down your chest? Don't be goofy, no HO before BRO. Stop banging your friends girl, get one of your own, your a supastar now.
So, until, Maury passes along, and Anderson gets a grip, and then Maury is archived with Springer, just don't be silly, wrap ole willy. Stardom is NOT posing as a father because you banged a HO in the HOJO on Saturday night.