Me

It all started in April back in 1972, when I went to the party with my dad and left with my mom. I never really had a chance to ask questions, but it really got to bothering me and one day I asked my mom what happen, she said, "we ran out of beer at the party, so we had to find other entertainment." Now damn, only if I would have thought about that earlier in life.
I grew up in a small town in Kansas until my dad figured it was time to learn a second language and moved us up to Nebraska, and then we were in a packing plant town. Totally amazing, I can still remember to this day when I was about 8 years old and seen my first colored person, and asked my mom how they stay so tan. Yep, that was me. Never afraid.
The only reason I graduated from High School was because I threatened the Principle and told him he thought I was ornery the last 3 years, wait until he gives me one more. Plus I already had signed up in the Army and he figured get this little bastard out of country. And I did, graduated with about 300 people, on which all knew me, and I knew few. Still to this day I have that problem. I always wanted to make a name for myself. I knew I could move up in the world, especially after being stupid and getting married twice, the second time was my brothers fault, he came and stuck a stick up my ass and called me a sucker. Ya, that was an experience all of it's own. I went from Mr. Right to Mr. Fukinwrong in 24 hours. Didn't know they made a pill for that.
Heck I was a great husband, I worked my ass off so they could stay as materialistic as they wanted, and little did I know, they were sharing the bed with strangers. Always wondered why my pillow smelled like Old Spice and Polo. But, every husband knows, don't ask questions, just shut up and keep on keeping on.
I got me 4 kids and a vasectomy, in which I ain't gonna tell ya which one is my favorite, but, I'm sure you can figure that one out. Speaking of turning bulls into steers, some clown ask me if it changes anything, at first I thought,, then thought again. I said ya, it sure does, have ya ever taken a baby powder container and squeezed it and poof that cloud of powder gets shot in the air like the pictures of an atom bomb going off? It's just like that, poof, it's all over.
One day, I knew if I kept my hopes, pushed, believed in myself, I could one day, move on. Move onto something I always wanted to do, entertain the world with a sense of humor, and have fun doing it. I know deep inside I could rock television, but the way that our kids are going, and us parents buying them video games to preserve their virginity, I also need to become a good voice over for some PS3 games. So, heck, why not, the moral of the story is, you never get younger, and do everything possible to make it where your ex's turn on their TV and have to watch you. Make them think, cuss, swear, want more money from you, and all that neat stuff, while your out explaining how the poof works, and make people love ya for who you are.
If you don't believe in yourself, who's gonna believe in ya? Never be afraid, and dang sure, don't be silly wrap ole willy or one day you yourself will be sitting writing a blog just like this.

Really

As long as we have COPS on TV, we will always have some interesting material to use. They got a call to a murder, well, a just got into a fight with my buddy and I think I killed him. I didn't mean to. Really? Pointing a loaded gun at him and pulling the trigger didn't click something in your head he may just die? I was born at night, but NOT last night.
I love the neighbor fights, her kids came over here and stole my kids basketball. So I walked across the street and took it back and slapped the girl. She ain't gonna come steal my stuff. OH, we always have the PROUD I HAVE A JOB. I work hard for my stuff, I don't need some brat coming over here to take my hard earned stuff I buy for my kids cause I have a job. I mean straight right up trailer park humor at it's finest. Noting says I'm proud more than when they get their food stamps cut in half because they got a job.
Oh, the ole bicycle cop dudes in action kill me. First off, I can only imagine riding a bike all shift and having that feeling of bike seat ass and you can't walk straight, or straight looking, you walk around like your trying to smother hamsters inside Mexico. Then to do a dismount off that thing and tackle a black dude on the run. Well, I wouldn't have used black dude if they would happen to snag some white people. But don't blame it, it's the program. And always the hoochie mama with her died hair in dreadlocks.
Well, I need to get back to watching this crazy shit, it's good stuff for my soul. Just like red velvet cake and cream cheese frosting. What a snack, so I better watch some black dudes with cracked out teeth steal a bicycle from some poor kid to go get some dope from an officer. If only they weren't silly and wrapped ole willy.

Maury

We have the modern day Barney and Clyde, we have Bieber bitch on the radio, we have so many things on the tube now days. But one thing we have that nobody else does, is YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER.
Nothings is better than watching some ghetto, Kim Kirdashian wanna be take about 3 guys in for a DNA test because she can't remember who she slept with when, but she still don't believe she is a HO. I love to watch the ole Tupac wanna be's jump around and yell "toll ya, toll ya" like they weren't sweating like President Obama in the middle of a KKK ralley. Really? Come on, I was born at night but not last night. Not even the night before, thinking on that.
So, pal, don't be silly wrap ole willy, but wait, you won't be the Maury Star you always dreamed of if you do that. So, stop and think, look at what you are doing to yourself. You want your homeboys running up to you saying, Oh bro, I sawed you on Maury, way to pull it off bro. That that make you tickle like peach rolling down your chest? Don't be goofy, no HO before BRO. Stop banging your friends girl, get one of your own, your a supastar now.
So, until, Maury passes along, and Anderson gets a grip, and then Maury is archived with Springer, just don't be silly, wrap ole willy. Stardom is NOT posing as a father because you banged a HO in the HOJO on Saturday night.

Excitement

So, tonight, as I was doing my bi-hourly facebooking. Cause I'm a facebook ho. I ran across a post that said, I wish I knew what all the cops were doing down the street. Everything is taped off, and that's the same house the murder sucicide was.
I mean comeon, why wouldn't you have a chair, beer, and be sitting back watching what is happening? I would be, maybe with Jimmy Johns already called. Gee, that kind of excitment don't come here very often.
Surely you have watched enough CSI to just grab a briefcase, and roll on it under the tape. Nobody asks questions when you have a briefcase for some reason. Get the load down man.
The closest thing we have around here is when immigration comes in and loads up a couple buses and tells them that they will stop by Taco Bell before they cross the Mexican boarder. That is just crazy, and yes, I am planted down there, doing updates. Now we have a significant event down the street from a peep and he decides to leave us hanging?
I bet ya if someone stole some of his VW parts down there in Okalahoma the whole state and those surrounding would have the info on what to look for. But, no parts involved. This is just like telling a kid to just go inside a candy store and look around and they can't have anything. Damn, Fish buddy, I live in Nebraska, where we don't have skinny people cause we are cornbread fed. If the I know what I am doing cause I watch CSI on TV line don't get you in. Just flash them a VW part and yell NYPD. They do that on TV too. Surely them two lines will give us the money.
Well, if something cool happens in your neighborhood, don't just tickle your peeps. And for real, don't be silly and wrap your willy.