It all started in April back in 1972, when I went to the party with my dad and left with my mom. I never really had a chance to ask questions, but it really got to bothering me and one day I asked my mom what happen, she said, "we ran out of beer at the party, so we had to find other entertainment." Now damn, only if I would have thought about that earlier in life.
I grew up in a small town in Kansas until my dad figured it was time to learn a second language and moved us up to Nebraska, and then we were in a packing plant town. Totally amazing, I can still remember to this day when I was about 8 years old and seen my first colored person, and asked my mom how they stay so tan. Yep, that was me. Never afraid.
The only reason I graduated from High School was because I threatened the Principle and told him he thought I was ornery the last 3 years, wait until he gives me one more. Plus I already had signed up in the Army and he figured get this little bastard out of country. And I did, graduated with about 300 people, on which all knew me, and I knew few. Still to this day I have that problem. I always wanted to make a name for myself. I knew I could move up in the world, especially after being stupid and getting married twice, the second time was my brothers fault, he came and stuck a stick up my ass and called me a sucker. Ya, that was an experience all of it's own. I went from Mr. Right to Mr. Fukinwrong in 24 hours. Didn't know they made a pill for that.
Heck I was a great husband, I worked my ass off so they could stay as materialistic as they wanted, and little did I know, they were sharing the bed with strangers. Always wondered why my pillow smelled like Old Spice and Polo. But, every husband knows, don't ask questions, just shut up and keep on keeping on.
I got me 4 kids and a vasectomy, in which I ain't gonna tell ya which one is my favorite, but, I'm sure you can figure that one out. Speaking of turning bulls into steers, some clown ask me if it changes anything, at first I thought,, then thought again. I said ya, it sure does, have ya ever taken a baby powder container and squeezed it and poof that cloud of powder gets shot in the air like the pictures of an atom bomb going off? It's just like that, poof, it's all over.
One day, I knew if I kept my hopes, pushed, believed in myself, I could one day, move on. Move onto something I always wanted to do, entertain the world with a sense of humor, and have fun doing it. I know deep inside I could rock television, but the way that our kids are going, and us parents buying them video games to preserve their virginity, I also need to become a good voice over for some PS3 games. So, heck, why not, the moral of the story is, you never get younger, and do everything possible to make it where your ex's turn on their TV and have to watch you. Make them think, cuss, swear, want more money from you, and all that neat stuff, while your out explaining how the poof works, and make people love ya for who you are.
If you don't believe in yourself, who's gonna believe in ya? Never be afraid, and dang sure, don't be silly wrap ole willy or one day you yourself will be sitting writing a blog just like this.
Showing posts with label divorce. Show all posts
Showing posts with label divorce. Show all posts
Friday, March 15, 2013
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
My Story
Some who know me, know the story, but most don't. So, here it is, tossing it out there, because if just ONE person reads it, and it makes sense, I have done my job.
It was a perfectly clear morning on October 30, 2006, with some wind, which is not out of the norm in Nebraska, I drove down to Red Cloud to pick up some cattle so people could have some hamburgers and steak for dinner. I was to get 36 but there were only 32 left, so I loaded them. Driving up from Red Cloud, the cows decided to play soccer or something in the back, and pulled me off the right side of the road, and I remember looking straight up in the air, and then a crash and grind. I knocked my semi and trailer onto the passenger side of the cab, and went shooting sparks down the highway. I made it 156 feet, and never crossed the center line. If I had, we would have lost a mother and 2 kids that were headed right at me.
I came to a stop and then tried to climb out, I was in alot of pain, but for some reason I thought the truck was going to blow up, beings I had just filled both tanks with 110 gallons of diesel. But I knew I was hurt. I laid in the ditch until the medics arrived, and then they toted me into the ER in Hastings. I did all I needed to do, and x-rays and all that good stuff, being I could hardly breath or walk.
They gave me 3 codeine pills and said I was bruised up and going to be sore in the morning. Well, it was sore the next morning, I couldn't even move. My parents came down and picked me up from my house in Hastings, and off we went to Grand Island, to the ER. I got me a CT Scan, and then all I knew I ended up being rushed to the VA in Omaha. Whoops, Hastings missed some important stuff and sent me home when I was hurt beyond their care. So I get to the ER at the VA, and doc comes in and says your the guy with the bruised spleen, broken back and ribs. I said, I am??? I knew I was the guy that was just going to have some bruises, but damn, did I fall out of bed last night or what??
Yep, even laying jacked up on pain meds, I can be funny. I was sent upstairs for a hospital stay. I stayed 4 days in which my wife at the time stayed one with me. Which was fine. I got me a turtle shell to wear for about 4 months while my 2 vertebra's healed from being broken, and we watched my spleen like a baby chicken in a coop with a coon. It kept getting bigger and bigger.
Finally, after about 6 months, I came to a point where it was hard to breath, and my spleen hurt. So, we decided we needed to take it out. But the problem was, my platelet count was WAY low. So I had to do some biopsy's first to make sure I didn't have cancer, which on top of everything else, about eats ya up. It all came back that my spleen was hording my platelets, and therefore causing the drop. So we take out the spleen, and I'm in ICU for I think 2 days, still to this day it is fuzzy. My spleen which was 9 inches long and weighed 10 lbs, was the largest they have ever seen, and they have no idea how it didn't burst. If it does burst, you only have seconds.
But in the mean time, my wife at the time, was telling me I needed to get back to work and get a job. While she going to school. Telling me I was worthless, and she hoped I did have cancer. She was only with me in the hospital for 1 day out of a week, and I had to get me some blood and was ONE SICK DUDE. All came out well, I was on the mend, and still getting torn down at home.
In total I was off work for 16 months. That is when it came to me, God has a direction in my life, and no matter what I try to do to avoid what it is he wants me to do, you will loose. So I stopped and took a hard look at things. First off, I needed a divorce, and when I brought it up on time, it was granted, and she tried to keep my son from me for 5 months. But, I just bit my lip, wrote jokes from it, and moved on. With family support.
I got my spleen removed, which means, my immune system SUCKS, if you sneeze anywhere near me, I will be sick the next day. But, other than that I'm just me. I do avoid hospitals. Just for my own sake.
So I got me a divorce, and one day, I was told by a friend I needed to do a show and get back on the road. Well, that is tough, especially starting out, I've been down that road before. So I accepted the challenge, and found out that people can really relate to me, I just bring out the everyday occurrences and make them funny. But in the mean time, the old bitch I got rid of, was trying to bust me down and bust me down. Then she decided to move to keep my son away from me, and moved way out west. He hates it, and isn't happy, the court system just gives me material like D.C. and I'm me, I'm a tough SOB and I know who my God is, and he is the only one going to tell me what to do and not to do. So, I am on the road, doing what I love to do, writing, selling, and working my butt off to become what I call my own superstar. My goal is to have my ex have to see me on T.V. Just to I can get the last smile and grin. Knowing it comes from deep inside. The nights I was trying to heal and she would kick my back, make me mow in my back brace, tell me I was worthless cause I wasn't working, and all along she had herself a boyfriend and that is why she couldn't stay in the hospital with me.
Well, I'm not Karma, one day she will have to answer, and I know she will lie, but it was the bitter chilly morning of October 30, 2006 that changed my life, made me move on, be happier than I ever have, and if I can wake up everyday and make someone laugh, I have accepted my challenge. That is who I am, I don't have time for abuse, I don't have time to sit around and hear how you are better than me because you are getting a Dr. degree online for counseling, I am me, I'm funny, people like me, and I'm going to make it BIG TIME or atleast die trying with a smile on my face and someone elses. I'm no better than anyone, I'm just me, I have been down a dark road and figured out what I needed to do, and am doing it. So, if you come to a show and your sick cool, I'll make you smile and then run so I don't catch it. But everyone needs to stop and think in the world, what can I do to make a better place, what is it that I am really suppose to be doing? If you aren't happy, only you can change it, I can make ya laugh, but that's only temporary.
The joys of life and being tossed some bad cards, I have made the best of it, and I NEVER get real personal to just anyone, but I'm tossing it out there so everyone knows me better than they did yesterday. Crap happens, get up, dust off and move on. Ya I may be bitter about my ex, but that is my right, and it keeps me pumped to exceed my dreams!!! So, don't be silly, wrap ole willy.
It was a perfectly clear morning on October 30, 2006, with some wind, which is not out of the norm in Nebraska, I drove down to Red Cloud to pick up some cattle so people could have some hamburgers and steak for dinner. I was to get 36 but there were only 32 left, so I loaded them. Driving up from Red Cloud, the cows decided to play soccer or something in the back, and pulled me off the right side of the road, and I remember looking straight up in the air, and then a crash and grind. I knocked my semi and trailer onto the passenger side of the cab, and went shooting sparks down the highway. I made it 156 feet, and never crossed the center line. If I had, we would have lost a mother and 2 kids that were headed right at me.
I came to a stop and then tried to climb out, I was in alot of pain, but for some reason I thought the truck was going to blow up, beings I had just filled both tanks with 110 gallons of diesel. But I knew I was hurt. I laid in the ditch until the medics arrived, and then they toted me into the ER in Hastings. I did all I needed to do, and x-rays and all that good stuff, being I could hardly breath or walk.
They gave me 3 codeine pills and said I was bruised up and going to be sore in the morning. Well, it was sore the next morning, I couldn't even move. My parents came down and picked me up from my house in Hastings, and off we went to Grand Island, to the ER. I got me a CT Scan, and then all I knew I ended up being rushed to the VA in Omaha. Whoops, Hastings missed some important stuff and sent me home when I was hurt beyond their care. So I get to the ER at the VA, and doc comes in and says your the guy with the bruised spleen, broken back and ribs. I said, I am??? I knew I was the guy that was just going to have some bruises, but damn, did I fall out of bed last night or what??
Yep, even laying jacked up on pain meds, I can be funny. I was sent upstairs for a hospital stay. I stayed 4 days in which my wife at the time stayed one with me. Which was fine. I got me a turtle shell to wear for about 4 months while my 2 vertebra's healed from being broken, and we watched my spleen like a baby chicken in a coop with a coon. It kept getting bigger and bigger.
Finally, after about 6 months, I came to a point where it was hard to breath, and my spleen hurt. So, we decided we needed to take it out. But the problem was, my platelet count was WAY low. So I had to do some biopsy's first to make sure I didn't have cancer, which on top of everything else, about eats ya up. It all came back that my spleen was hording my platelets, and therefore causing the drop. So we take out the spleen, and I'm in ICU for I think 2 days, still to this day it is fuzzy. My spleen which was 9 inches long and weighed 10 lbs, was the largest they have ever seen, and they have no idea how it didn't burst. If it does burst, you only have seconds.
But in the mean time, my wife at the time, was telling me I needed to get back to work and get a job. While she going to school. Telling me I was worthless, and she hoped I did have cancer. She was only with me in the hospital for 1 day out of a week, and I had to get me some blood and was ONE SICK DUDE. All came out well, I was on the mend, and still getting torn down at home.
In total I was off work for 16 months. That is when it came to me, God has a direction in my life, and no matter what I try to do to avoid what it is he wants me to do, you will loose. So I stopped and took a hard look at things. First off, I needed a divorce, and when I brought it up on time, it was granted, and she tried to keep my son from me for 5 months. But, I just bit my lip, wrote jokes from it, and moved on. With family support.
I got my spleen removed, which means, my immune system SUCKS, if you sneeze anywhere near me, I will be sick the next day. But, other than that I'm just me. I do avoid hospitals. Just for my own sake.
So I got me a divorce, and one day, I was told by a friend I needed to do a show and get back on the road. Well, that is tough, especially starting out, I've been down that road before. So I accepted the challenge, and found out that people can really relate to me, I just bring out the everyday occurrences and make them funny. But in the mean time, the old bitch I got rid of, was trying to bust me down and bust me down. Then she decided to move to keep my son away from me, and moved way out west. He hates it, and isn't happy, the court system just gives me material like D.C. and I'm me, I'm a tough SOB and I know who my God is, and he is the only one going to tell me what to do and not to do. So, I am on the road, doing what I love to do, writing, selling, and working my butt off to become what I call my own superstar. My goal is to have my ex have to see me on T.V. Just to I can get the last smile and grin. Knowing it comes from deep inside. The nights I was trying to heal and she would kick my back, make me mow in my back brace, tell me I was worthless cause I wasn't working, and all along she had herself a boyfriend and that is why she couldn't stay in the hospital with me.
Well, I'm not Karma, one day she will have to answer, and I know she will lie, but it was the bitter chilly morning of October 30, 2006 that changed my life, made me move on, be happier than I ever have, and if I can wake up everyday and make someone laugh, I have accepted my challenge. That is who I am, I don't have time for abuse, I don't have time to sit around and hear how you are better than me because you are getting a Dr. degree online for counseling, I am me, I'm funny, people like me, and I'm going to make it BIG TIME or atleast die trying with a smile on my face and someone elses. I'm no better than anyone, I'm just me, I have been down a dark road and figured out what I needed to do, and am doing it. So, if you come to a show and your sick cool, I'll make you smile and then run so I don't catch it. But everyone needs to stop and think in the world, what can I do to make a better place, what is it that I am really suppose to be doing? If you aren't happy, only you can change it, I can make ya laugh, but that's only temporary.
The joys of life and being tossed some bad cards, I have made the best of it, and I NEVER get real personal to just anyone, but I'm tossing it out there so everyone knows me better than they did yesterday. Crap happens, get up, dust off and move on. Ya I may be bitter about my ex, but that is my right, and it keeps me pumped to exceed my dreams!!! So, don't be silly, wrap ole willy.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Really
I often times think to myself what goes thru a persons head to post updates of things? For example, all these pictures of your uterus on my wall. Nothing like looking at a chick from the inside out, I mean that makes me more excited than getting to be a guest jackman at a NASCAR race. So, then when I am out being naughty, or out in public, I not only have to look at you and say HI, but men like me are thinking, hummm, I seen your uterus, it's kinda like sex bi proxy.
It kind of reminds me of when you use to tell someone you rubbed your dick all over the steering wheel, so really they are stroking me off. I mean, that kind of stuff is kinda borderline porn in my world. I think about how, what, when, why that picture even came into existence. Kinda crazy in my world, I guess some would say I am a pervert, but I guess I'm not on the net looking at real live porn, so pervert isn't really the word I would pick. Maybe a horndog, that might make a close call. But, who's counting?
And, man, I tell ya, I just can't wait for these High School graduations, it's going to be like I am planning my kids graduation. Shit, I had to skip 2 weddings, not just because they were suckers and I didn't want to cry, or bust out objecting trying to save my pal. But because why go when you post the every move? I'm walking down the isle, I am nervous.......I DO........I still do...........getting rice thrown in my eyes, thanks people, for making this the best day of my life. I said that once, but I had to regret it the day my divorce was final, cause really, that was the best damn day of my life. Nothing like writing one off, and someone else taking it on. More power to ya, I mean, personally, I wouldn't want my seconds, but hope I taste like chicken.
So, now that you are showing the world your uterus, and the kid you had hot passionate sex to make, and everything else that goes with it, I would like you to order up some Adam and Eve catalogs, and get ya some of them condoms, so you don't be silly and wrap ole willy so I don't have to see your uterus again. Please? Thank you.
It kind of reminds me of when you use to tell someone you rubbed your dick all over the steering wheel, so really they are stroking me off. I mean, that kind of stuff is kinda borderline porn in my world. I think about how, what, when, why that picture even came into existence. Kinda crazy in my world, I guess some would say I am a pervert, but I guess I'm not on the net looking at real live porn, so pervert isn't really the word I would pick. Maybe a horndog, that might make a close call. But, who's counting?
And, man, I tell ya, I just can't wait for these High School graduations, it's going to be like I am planning my kids graduation. Shit, I had to skip 2 weddings, not just because they were suckers and I didn't want to cry, or bust out objecting trying to save my pal. But because why go when you post the every move? I'm walking down the isle, I am nervous.......I DO........I still do...........getting rice thrown in my eyes, thanks people, for making this the best day of my life. I said that once, but I had to regret it the day my divorce was final, cause really, that was the best damn day of my life. Nothing like writing one off, and someone else taking it on. More power to ya, I mean, personally, I wouldn't want my seconds, but hope I taste like chicken.
So, now that you are showing the world your uterus, and the kid you had hot passionate sex to make, and everything else that goes with it, I would like you to order up some Adam and Eve catalogs, and get ya some of them condoms, so you don't be silly and wrap ole willy so I don't have to see your uterus again. Please? Thank you.
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