Me

It all started in April back in 1972, when I went to the party with my dad and left with my mom. I never really had a chance to ask questions, but it really got to bothering me and one day I asked my mom what happen, she said, "we ran out of beer at the party, so we had to find other entertainment." Now damn, only if I would have thought about that earlier in life.
I grew up in a small town in Kansas until my dad figured it was time to learn a second language and moved us up to Nebraska, and then we were in a packing plant town. Totally amazing, I can still remember to this day when I was about 8 years old and seen my first colored person, and asked my mom how they stay so tan. Yep, that was me. Never afraid.
The only reason I graduated from High School was because I threatened the Principle and told him he thought I was ornery the last 3 years, wait until he gives me one more. Plus I already had signed up in the Army and he figured get this little bastard out of country. And I did, graduated with about 300 people, on which all knew me, and I knew few. Still to this day I have that problem. I always wanted to make a name for myself. I knew I could move up in the world, especially after being stupid and getting married twice, the second time was my brothers fault, he came and stuck a stick up my ass and called me a sucker. Ya, that was an experience all of it's own. I went from Mr. Right to Mr. Fukinwrong in 24 hours. Didn't know they made a pill for that.
Heck I was a great husband, I worked my ass off so they could stay as materialistic as they wanted, and little did I know, they were sharing the bed with strangers. Always wondered why my pillow smelled like Old Spice and Polo. But, every husband knows, don't ask questions, just shut up and keep on keeping on.
I got me 4 kids and a vasectomy, in which I ain't gonna tell ya which one is my favorite, but, I'm sure you can figure that one out. Speaking of turning bulls into steers, some clown ask me if it changes anything, at first I thought,, then thought again. I said ya, it sure does, have ya ever taken a baby powder container and squeezed it and poof that cloud of powder gets shot in the air like the pictures of an atom bomb going off? It's just like that, poof, it's all over.
One day, I knew if I kept my hopes, pushed, believed in myself, I could one day, move on. Move onto something I always wanted to do, entertain the world with a sense of humor, and have fun doing it. I know deep inside I could rock television, but the way that our kids are going, and us parents buying them video games to preserve their virginity, I also need to become a good voice over for some PS3 games. So, heck, why not, the moral of the story is, you never get younger, and do everything possible to make it where your ex's turn on their TV and have to watch you. Make them think, cuss, swear, want more money from you, and all that neat stuff, while your out explaining how the poof works, and make people love ya for who you are.
If you don't believe in yourself, who's gonna believe in ya? Never be afraid, and dang sure, don't be silly wrap ole willy or one day you yourself will be sitting writing a blog just like this.

Angle of Life

Sometimes in life you just have to let things go. You can't just let them boil up until you go crazy. So,,,,,in my terms.
Life is just like a fart. You can't keep it in, cause it will cause you pain, and not feel good. So, if you just let it go, not only do you feel better, but depending on the release, it is alot cheaper than paying a shrink.. So, just remember, life is just like a fart, and there is always going to be a pain in the ass somewhere waiting to get you.

Another thing I have learned about life. You can loan friends or neighbors money, and that is end of seeing it. So,,,,,in my terms.
Money is just like weed. When you have it, everyone wants it. When you don't have it, nobody wants to share it with you. And when you finally do give in and share, it all goes up in smoke.

So if you take the good, and take the bad, you pretty much stop and think of how the little things in life are funny, or known to me in my world. There is nothing wrong with being a redneck, we always look at things from a different angle, and that angle is usually the one that makes since to everyone else.

A true story

Back when I was skinny, and in single digits for an age, I okay, long ago. My gramps had a hunting dog named Bridget. She was a good dog, and back then I swear she could run 100 mph. Every night when he got home he would let her run, and round and round she would go, running a track oval, tossing up dirt balls. The only time she would stop was to poop, but after that she got faster.
So being the smart grandchild, scared of nothing, still upset his red calf bucked me off. I got closer and closer to her dirt ring, with my grandpa telling me to move back. RIGHT, she's a damn dog, not a red calf. So I waited, like a tiger waiting for that limp zebra to run by, on my own 3 count in my head I jumped out to stop her head on.
That dog hit me so hard she knocked me out of my shoes and about 20 feet backwards. I never in my life though that would happen, I jumped up, started screaming, and trying to find which direction to run to the house to have my grandma protect me. In the mean time, gramps kept telling me,,,, TOLD YA SO, TOLD YA SO, and was laughing at me. That made me madder, so across the yard I ran like a drunk running from the cops, grandma meet me at the door wondering wtf just happen.
Gramps let her know, all I could get out was Bridget. And my grandma looked at me and said, bet you don't do that again.
By god, still to this day my grandpa thinks that's the funniest thing, and I try to relive the moment and have one of my kids try it, why won't they, they got my genes. But oh no, they say, you crazy?
The thing I learned is I won't ever be able to stop a train, and I can't ride a calf. That's crap!!!!

Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.2