Really

As long as we have COPS on TV, we will always have some interesting material to use. They got a call to a murder, well, a just got into a fight with my buddy and I think I killed him. I didn't mean to. Really? Pointing a loaded gun at him and pulling the trigger didn't click something in your head he may just die? I was born at night, but NOT last night.
I love the neighbor fights, her kids came over here and stole my kids basketball. So I walked across the street and took it back and slapped the girl. She ain't gonna come steal my stuff. OH, we always have the PROUD I HAVE A JOB. I work hard for my stuff, I don't need some brat coming over here to take my hard earned stuff I buy for my kids cause I have a job. I mean straight right up trailer park humor at it's finest. Noting says I'm proud more than when they get their food stamps cut in half because they got a job.
Oh, the ole bicycle cop dudes in action kill me. First off, I can only imagine riding a bike all shift and having that feeling of bike seat ass and you can't walk straight, or straight looking, you walk around like your trying to smother hamsters inside Mexico. Then to do a dismount off that thing and tackle a black dude on the run. Well, I wouldn't have used black dude if they would happen to snag some white people. But don't blame it, it's the program. And always the hoochie mama with her died hair in dreadlocks.
Well, I need to get back to watching this crazy shit, it's good stuff for my soul. Just like red velvet cake and cream cheese frosting. What a snack, so I better watch some black dudes with cracked out teeth steal a bicycle from some poor kid to go get some dope from an officer. If only they weren't silly and wrapped ole willy.

Maury

We have the modern day Barney and Clyde, we have Bieber bitch on the radio, we have so many things on the tube now days. But one thing we have that nobody else does, is YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER.
Nothings is better than watching some ghetto, Kim Kirdashian wanna be take about 3 guys in for a DNA test because she can't remember who she slept with when, but she still don't believe she is a HO. I love to watch the ole Tupac wanna be's jump around and yell "toll ya, toll ya" like they weren't sweating like President Obama in the middle of a KKK ralley. Really? Come on, I was born at night but not last night. Not even the night before, thinking on that.
So, pal, don't be silly wrap ole willy, but wait, you won't be the Maury Star you always dreamed of if you do that. So, stop and think, look at what you are doing to yourself. You want your homeboys running up to you saying, Oh bro, I sawed you on Maury, way to pull it off bro. That that make you tickle like peach rolling down your chest? Don't be goofy, no HO before BRO. Stop banging your friends girl, get one of your own, your a supastar now.
So, until, Maury passes along, and Anderson gets a grip, and then Maury is archived with Springer, just don't be silly, wrap ole willy. Stardom is NOT posing as a father because you banged a HO in the HOJO on Saturday night.