Summer Time

It coming about that time of year when flip flops, corns, bunyans, and all the other nice things come out. Not to forget, warmer weather, no frost, panting dogs, and armpit sweat. It's it just lovely to think of summer around the corner? Oh must I forget, Walmart, the time we see daisy dukes on golf ball dimpled legs, Frito toenails, half shirts, and droopy stomachs. And the best time of year, the line up for the fairs. Nothing gets me more excited than the fair coming to town, where else in America can we run down and wait in line to have some toothless Jane or Joe make us a funnel cake?
The weather is getting warmer, incase you haven't noticed, and the days are getting longer, hints to why your ass is being pulled in a wagon behind you every morning. But we as Americans stand up, sweat loud and be proud. Talk about some strange happenings, I was abducted by aliens the other night, oddest thing that ever did happen to me. Thank God they let me go when they found out I didn't speak English.
But on the other hand, living in central Nebraska, not only do we have the County Fair that brings in all the Walmart shopper look-a-likes, we also have the State Fair. That's right, our metropolis, the only place the mayor can get a DUI and stay in office, but the Lt. Governor calls a chick on his phone and gets the boot, we are proud to host such an event. We can attract some of the strangest ducks, from a 60 year old with perfect circular boobs and winkled up like a scrotum on a 90 year old, but wearing that bikini top. God bless us, or help us, either way we are upside down.
Ole Large Marge is straining the grease from last year, and getting her permits ready, charging up her golf cart, and saving money by cutting off the arms on her t-shirts. But, we all know she makes killer fried foods, and we can't wait to lubricate our intestines with her delights. You all know me, I say toss on some strawberries or cherries and call it healthy. Dang skippy. Dig in, grab some paper towels to help stop the grease from running down your elbow, beings we can't lick our elbows, or maybe Celo Green can, humm, that should be on Mythbusters.
But when it starts warming up, don't forget, bathe, mow the yard, do all the honey do crap you have put off all winter, and find a good beach with scenery that is good on a mans eyes. Not looking for the chick that goes in the tanning bed smoking a cig, trying to just put on a front, but I'm talking a sharp dressed swimsuit wearing hottie. And when ya find it, let your balls drop, start off a chat, and then don't be silly wrap ole willy.