Summer Time

It coming about that time of year when flip flops, corns, bunyans, and all the other nice things come out. Not to forget, warmer weather, no frost, panting dogs, and armpit sweat. It's it just lovely to think of summer around the corner? Oh must I forget, Walmart, the time we see daisy dukes on golf ball dimpled legs, Frito toenails, half shirts, and droopy stomachs. And the best time of year, the line up for the fairs. Nothing gets me more excited than the fair coming to town, where else in America can we run down and wait in line to have some toothless Jane or Joe make us a funnel cake?
The weather is getting warmer, incase you haven't noticed, and the days are getting longer, hints to why your ass is being pulled in a wagon behind you every morning. But we as Americans stand up, sweat loud and be proud. Talk about some strange happenings, I was abducted by aliens the other night, oddest thing that ever did happen to me. Thank God they let me go when they found out I didn't speak English.
But on the other hand, living in central Nebraska, not only do we have the County Fair that brings in all the Walmart shopper look-a-likes, we also have the State Fair. That's right, our metropolis, the only place the mayor can get a DUI and stay in office, but the Lt. Governor calls a chick on his phone and gets the boot, we are proud to host such an event. We can attract some of the strangest ducks, from a 60 year old with perfect circular boobs and winkled up like a scrotum on a 90 year old, but wearing that bikini top. God bless us, or help us, either way we are upside down.
Ole Large Marge is straining the grease from last year, and getting her permits ready, charging up her golf cart, and saving money by cutting off the arms on her t-shirts. But, we all know she makes killer fried foods, and we can't wait to lubricate our intestines with her delights. You all know me, I say toss on some strawberries or cherries and call it healthy. Dang skippy. Dig in, grab some paper towels to help stop the grease from running down your elbow, beings we can't lick our elbows, or maybe Celo Green can, humm, that should be on Mythbusters.
But when it starts warming up, don't forget, bathe, mow the yard, do all the honey do crap you have put off all winter, and find a good beach with scenery that is good on a mans eyes. Not looking for the chick that goes in the tanning bed smoking a cig, trying to just put on a front, but I'm talking a sharp dressed swimsuit wearing hottie. And when ya find it, let your balls drop, start off a chat, and then don't be silly wrap ole willy.

Politically Correct

To be politically correct now days is a bunch of hoopla if you ask me. Call a spade a spade, a shovel a shovel and a damn ho a hoe. Nothing in life needs to be so darn serious that you can't express your feelings, heck, sometimes I run outside and just yell rape to see who all will come running. Usually nobody, but who cares, until that one time, when it does happen and I am walking like a penguin on crack for a few weeks.
I guess now days, to be politically correct, you have to say one thing, but mean another, tell people what they want to hear and do the opposite, and it never fails, no matter what you do in life, some asshole is always going to be there to take it wrong and point it out. Like the kid that use to point at the girls who had maxi pads stuck to their back going down the hall at school I put on them. That one asshole ruined alot of fun and humor. Well, he did his time, probably even narked a few friends out, cause that's how he rolled. And now he is walking around with a loose end and can't rip a fart cause he is so stretched out it just whisp out.
But, to be a mayor, and tell everyone, including media that someone has resigned, with no resignation letter in hand, and then wonder why your the jack in the box, I guess that is a trick in the How to be Obama handbook. I haven't read it, but the mayor does eat alot of chicken. So basically, what I have learned, is that to politically correct, takes balls. I think I am going to change this meaning, and start just doing whatever the hell I think needs to be done, starting by just shooting before I open the door. So if you read this, knock and step aside. People are going to think I have a teenage daughter and some dude is trying to take her out, but oh well, they need to know this politically correct dude ain't playing Washington D.C. games. The D.C. means Dummy Central in case you didn't know. Well, someone is a knocking now, time for me to knock back, don't be silly wrap ole willy.