Some of the damnest things you ever did hear come from the mouth of Nebraskans. WHY? We don't really think before we spit. But take one of these guys, toss him down into Branson for a couple years, and then you have some crazy shit I say.
You needa wash that thing tween your legs. Smells like sex.
What you do to your hair? Roll around in a cows ass?
Anywho
Got a truck to help me go grab some shit I bought?
Them tits real? Can I check?
I'm gonna go help preg check.
Takin off like a prom dress.
You dropped your damn pocket.
Hey, how far would you be if I hadn't hollared at ya?
Looks like 2 hippos fighting for air when she walks.
Your sister home?
Come over here and I can come in there.
And who came up with a readend accident and named it assholed?
Why are apartments, apartments, they are together, they should be called togetherments.
Why do we park in a driveway, and drive on a parkway.
My bed is on milk cartons cause that's how I roll.
Well, there ya have a few, somethings I say, can't be rewrote, if one could copyright phrases, I would have a million. But in the mean time, when you got her by the ears making motorcycle sounds, don't be silly wrap ole willy.
Showing posts with label Cows. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Cows. Show all posts
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Friday, September 2, 2011
Animals
Many of you by now have understood what goes through my mind, and please let me know. But back in the days when I was a medic, and got paid to palpate boobs, on the ambulance during a transfer of a patient from city to city, you get real bored.
So one day, I grabbed the pa mic, flipped the siren over to pa, and started mooing at daryle in the field. Much to my surprise, I started a new trend, them suckers would run to that speaker like a fat girl taking off for free ice cream. From 3 hills over I could call them in.
My partner about wrecked us twice laughing so hard, but by god, heck with horses to wrangle the cows, I could do it in the air conditioning.so one we went, field after field, them cows all lined up to the fence like welfare check cashers at walmart customer service.
People passing by probably thought, damn, wonder why all them cows are lined up? Weather must be going to change. Nope.
But one thing that does happen, is when kids try to be animals around the house, then when you take them to the zoo, they do the animal call, the animal gives then the what the hell are you look and runs off not to be seen again.
I say, become one with the animal, know what they enjoy, do it, and see how far they can sprint before falling over dead. I guess I better be careful which animal I call also.
But a few weeks later after my accidental emergency unit cattle calling idea, the local police were trying to coral a core on the north side of town, but they couldn't get it. I heard it all on my radio, from trying to type it, to sirens, to running, they were like a turd in a punch bowl. I drive up, have them an education, and in 15 minutes they were all laughing their butts off, and the chow was in the fence.
Still to this day, I tell them, I can call cows, didn't you see my ex? I can't tell them I have called for over hundreds of miles and pastures, but they too, like you, think I have lost my mind.
So one day, I grabbed the pa mic, flipped the siren over to pa, and started mooing at daryle in the field. Much to my surprise, I started a new trend, them suckers would run to that speaker like a fat girl taking off for free ice cream. From 3 hills over I could call them in.
My partner about wrecked us twice laughing so hard, but by god, heck with horses to wrangle the cows, I could do it in the air conditioning.so one we went, field after field, them cows all lined up to the fence like welfare check cashers at walmart customer service.
People passing by probably thought, damn, wonder why all them cows are lined up? Weather must be going to change. Nope.
But one thing that does happen, is when kids try to be animals around the house, then when you take them to the zoo, they do the animal call, the animal gives then the what the hell are you look and runs off not to be seen again.
I say, become one with the animal, know what they enjoy, do it, and see how far they can sprint before falling over dead. I guess I better be careful which animal I call also.
But a few weeks later after my accidental emergency unit cattle calling idea, the local police were trying to coral a core on the north side of town, but they couldn't get it. I heard it all on my radio, from trying to type it, to sirens, to running, they were like a turd in a punch bowl. I drive up, have them an education, and in 15 minutes they were all laughing their butts off, and the chow was in the fence.
Still to this day, I tell them, I can call cows, didn't you see my ex? I can't tell them I have called for over hundreds of miles and pastures, but they too, like you, think I have lost my mind.
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