You kidding ME

So I get a phone call the other day. A friend of mine needs a jump start, they just got back from the Military, and the car has been in storage out on the farm. So, beings the only one that was able to go help. I show up.
Walk all the way out to the shed, where the car is, and with a portable jumper, that obviosly hadn't been charged for a long time. So we walked all the way back to the other garage to find jumper cables.
On the search for cables, which none were found, and shocked me. I have never been on a farm where there are not jumpers on every wall or laying on the floor of every out building. But, theres a first for everything. We did, however, find a battery charger. BUT, the location and distance of where the car is, was way to long for a cord.
So someone, has the idea of lets push the car over there to charge it. I said, hell no, that's a half a mile. So, as I am pushing the front of the car and they are inside driving, titled good help, panting like a dog. Got er out of the door, and now the long drive to the other garage. So, I push, and push, down fresh gravel mind ya. Finally, after pushing the damn thing down the drive, mind ya without a chew, and can't hardly breath cause the drive was half a section of a cornfield.
I gathered my beans and hooked up the charger. So, now some jumper cables are enroute, and the question comes, DOES RED GO ON RED AND BLACK ON BLACK??
I about died laughing. Really? Did you miss that day of drivers ed? I knew you were special, but holy cow. Then the phone rings, and guess what. The cables are in the pickup, that is NOW, 5 feet from the new location of the CAR. God bless, soooooo. Unhooked the charger, hooked up the cable and zippy do dah. She started right up, puring like a kitten.
First off, if the car was in storage at your parents house, why didn't you have someone start it every so often? And really, we needed to push the car all the way over here to jump it? Some people, some people. Wait, maybe they had the keys with them in their pocket so nobody used the car,,,,,,,,nope, they were on the key hanger in the house the whole time. DAMN.
Well, lesson learned, match the colors, look, and always start the thing to keep it charged. So, don't be silly, wrap ole willy.

Kicked out

In my crazy life I have incountered alot of people. But the one that I almost forgot about today was a guy I use to work with. One day, we were taking off a sign and took the letters down to the junk yard for tin.
As I was rolling in, grinding gears, popping the clutch, looking like Sanford on Sanford and Son. I pulled in, asked if he would go check us in, and then came the story.
Well, I can't do it man. And why is that I asked. Cause, one time, I worked for a farmer, and he refused to give me my last check. So he was out of town, and I decided to go load up an old pickup out in the pasture, and take it in for cash. I didn't have the title, so I told them Bob was going to bring it in next week, and they took it.
Couple days later, the cops came over, and wanted to get me for stealing. But, the junk yard took the truck without the title so they were at fault too. I got my money, charges were dropped, and then I got kicked out of the junk yard for the rest of my life.
Really man? Kicked out of the junk yard? Yep, sure did man, I will wait right here in the street for you to dump and come back to get me.
Now, either one of two things have happen here. The first, obviously the screener who hires failed to screen. And second, you know how bad life is when you get kicked out of the junk yard? Come on, thems people were all of the same. I was shocked, and still laughing. You might be a redneck if you have ever been kicked out of the junk yard. Well, don't be silly, wrap your willy.