Henry Doorly Zoo

In knowing exactly what I had time for, I elected to take my little one to the zoo in Omaha for a day. It all started off by some college chick ripping me off for $84 to get in and have fun. So, off we went skipping all the way down to the kiddie section. Down the hill, just a rock toss away from the gate of madness of the release of the trailer park yuppies on the other side waiting to get in. We decided to go into the Avery which had some small house birds in it, and paid a dollar for two cents of food stuck on a Popsicle stick like the end of a q-tip when ya pull it out your ear.
In the Avery, I was looking around and noticed a nicely dressed fellow with a streak of white and black in his hair. That to me was NOT paid to be there by a hair stylist. What that was the the remnants of the rip off bird food on a stick from the lower end of the feather creature. At this point, I advised my kid and girlfriend we need some teamwork going on, you shit drop watch me, and I will shit drop watch you. We had each others backs, I thought. We finished up there and strolled over to the river otter, a couple owls in a cage, and then the quest for the carousel ride.
We walked around to the entrance, beat off all the parents that couldn't read, or aka Indians with dots, and then loaded up. Of course my kid would want to ride the jack rabbit, and he wanted me on the tiger next to him. That was not going to happen, the tiger stopped in the upward location, and that was like 4 feet high and I ain't no gymnast, so I stood there. Then my awesome girlfriend advised me I have a glob of white stuff on the fly of my shorts. Now, mind ya, I just got out of kiddie land, and she let me walk around with this there because she failed RULE #1, WATCH MY BACK in the Avery, like 20 minutes earlier. I personally, was just thinking maybe some of them knew me, heck I don't remember everyone, but they always remember me, but NOPE, they were wondering who the dickhead in the kiddie area was that had a glob of white stuff on his dick. Now comes the part where I'm freaking out to hide this, because it is kind of embarrassing to me, and she gives me a squirt of hand sanitizer. I rub it on my shorts like I had 2 sticks trying to start a fire. RUB RUB RUB, it was kind of exciting until I look up and all these ghetto mom's are holding their kids back from gettin on the carousel with the pot bellied pervert that's giving himself a wax job next to his kid and a damn tiger. Red was a total different color that day on my face. But I got the job done.
We beat feet up to the bears, tigers, sky tram, and all that jazz. Hopped on the train and ran around the zoo, waved at the crazy crowd and wild animals. Jumped off the train to enjoy the rest of the zoo.
One thing I noticed is that the people at the zoo are NOT the same class of people at Worlds of Fun. These people are the book worm, non adventurous, scientific people you would find at a library. But the scenery was great, I got too see a black mamba with some design print pantyhose, crazy looking shirt, goofy hat, and thought she was a bowl of chili on a cold ass night. The zoo don't sell Billy Bob teeth because 3/4 of the patrons already have a real set, but there were a couple of families that looked like they accidentally got caught up in the zoo also. But heck all in all, it was a great day. Of all the things to do, all the things to see, all the people to watch, the only thing a 4 year old talks about is riding the train, so save the money and just ride a damn train all day, or don't be silly wrap ole willy.

Great things

Sometimes in life you wait until the things just come to you, with a mind like mine, oh they come alright.
Like why do people have fast cars but drive so slow? Drive it like you stole it or get the heck out of my way.
Who ever said bald isn't beautiful? If it wasn't, girls wouldn't pay so much for bikini wax.
But one thing we all missed in the book of life is your not old unless you trip over your balls or boobs, and for some, they could do both.
The world is made up of such great people, you just can't find them, the great ones are ninja. It is easier to nail jello onto a tree than to find a keeper anymore. But who's judging? Those damn ducks mate with the same one forever, and that is exactly why man hunts duck, they make us look bad.

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Walmart

Went to walmart today, seen they are going to open a dentist office? Damn falling prices are chipping teeth, now they can hook you up fixing your teeth. Good news, they are opening an express lane for those with 15 teeth or less.
Saw a lady wearing a bun in oven shirt with an arrow pointing down. So I walked up to her and said, if you got to crap, go to the end of shoes, that is where the bathroom is. She looked at me like I was as dumb as her, so I said, you advertising your butt baby? And just kept on walking, I should of directed her to the helmets, but she would not understand.
So all these crazy shirts they sell, who designs those? My kids have better sayings then 3/4 of them. that is crap they are getting paid for them.
I got to meet Mr Ts mom, or a woman that had more costume jewelry than he ever thought he could wear. She was all Tammy Fayed out, thinking she was all that and a bucket of chicken from the deli that had been sitting out all day. That stale, crispy, greased soaked chicken that you are greeted with at the door.
So if you ever need a laugh, go and sit down at Walmart, the only neat thing you will find is cheap contacts from the lady with the space shoes that helps you and ask you the question 10 times cause she only has a keyboard at work.

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