Facebook

When we can share the things that happen in our lives with the whole world at a press of a button, from a phone, from a computer, from a tablet. Heck, some are even doing it at work. Changing the way people view people all in a simple blue button that says, "SHARE". Some of the smallest things in the world just amuse me, take spiders for example, I'm a 5'9" balding dude that couldn't scare anything more than a baby, but a spider, that little creature can make a 6'4" dude cry like a baby who just got it pacifier stolen by dog. That's power.
The power to change is to really just an object in the mirror, when your standing in front of it. Everyone has it, some just don't want to know, and others, really don't give 2 dog turds wrapped in tootsie roll papers. But, hey, who's counting? The things people post, share, take pictures of just amazes me. I find myself not even watching the news anymore, heck,  why spend 30 minutes watching some dude gab over something when I can just zip onto Facebook and find out everything we need, from weather, to kids sports, who's winning the game, who had what for lunch, who took the biggest crap, what the weather is doing, and best of all, who is going to get the "Facebook Academy Award of the Day". Just admit it, we read others posts, often time asking, WTF?? Especially when they read mine, it takes all kinds of wild minds to make a News Feed interesting enough to keep people wanting more, it's like a porn addiction to porn addicted person. That made no sense, but anywho, crap, we are so socially networked inside this creature called Internet, that we don't even go to a movie unless half of our friends say it's a must see. Good thing ole Egbert or whoever that movie critic was has passed away, he'd would have fallen off the job market now.
I understand that your son won his first soccer game, congrats, but I don't understand why you would want to share all of your business and drama inside your personal life with the world? Does Facebook send you a Sympathy card for making crazy decisions? If so, maybe I should retake this offer. I love mail, especially junk mail. That's awesome you want to eat sushi, the raw fish with some rice in it, please don't post a picture, if I wanted to see a picture of sushi I'd Google Image it. But one thing is for sure, in today's world, when you can take a picture, and have it automatically sync with your Facebook account has become ever so entertaining. Nothing is better than that naked selfie you took to send off to someone, and BOOM, all of a sudden it is on your Facebook, now that's classy. Talk about Facebook making some extra cash, why don't they open up a site just for that, Facebook Honey's, just like the ole Hustler Honey's?? BAM, million dollar industry there Zuckerman. Although this has happen a couple times, I must add not to me, but friends, or what were friends of mine until they figured it out and deleted their pages, I find this funnier than a 3 legged dog trying to catch it's tail.
But, on the other side of the plate, lets talk about how Facebook is always making recommendation's for us. Like we have ever sat down and got to actually meet each other, you have no idea what rolls thru my head, nor do you want to. And if you did, you'd be so damn scared how fast my mind travels you'd be trying to can it and use it for rocket fuel to power the next spaceship. Facebook, you know nothing about me, why in the heck would you recommend a friend to me that I have no pleasure of knowing, and really honestly may dislike their point of view on things. For example, why would you recommend Michelle Obama as a friend? So I can read all her post about how kids are fat and eating turkey bacon for over-priced school lunches is going to make my kid skinny up? Obviously NOT. First off, you know nothing about school lunches, and what you do know is they were free to you when you were growing up, they use to be good, a good way for kids to eat and get energy. You couldn't pay me to eat this crap on paper trays you have them eating, make your kids eat it if it's so damn good, or don't they allow they fake meat in private schools? Obviously not, as you sit back and sip on your Diet Coke and giggle at turkey bacon.
We have all came to know a part of our social media, connected with people we lost touch of, got to check out people we had no idea who they were, and really we have damn good nominations for Facebook Academy Awards. So, as I sit here and giggle how I know you all have Facebook, and that's how you got caught reading this blog, because it was the only social media site I shared it with, just remember, you too my friend, got caught catching up on drama, getting a giggle and asking yourself WTF is Gabe thinking!!! May the night be long, the sleep be good, but if ya don't sleep right away, don't be silly and wrap ole willy.

WHEW

Man, I tell ya, I've been busier than a dollar hooker working the Vegas Strip. From getting custody of my son, WHOOP WHOOP, to trying to figure out what this itch is in my new underwear. Some of the craziest things have been going in this world, and ya, I can spit out a fast facebook status about it, but obviously I have not had time to attend to my blog. Which I appoligize. Going from a every other weekend dad to a 24/7 dad of a kid playing 4 sports has gotten the better of my time, ya ya ya, excuses are like assholes, everyone has one and they stink. In great days, ways, shapes, and forms, I have noticed Victoria has a Secret,,,still, and I have a secret for them. My name is Gabe and I am not a girl, when you send me a little mail for a free panty let me tell ya, those things make for the image of the balls hanging on the yard game "Ladder Game". There just ain't that much room in the front of those free panties. Spliting the boys like a cedar tree on a log splitter. But, in latter news, I have decided I am NOT going to step on a scale, not until scales can measure SEXY and deduct that off my spare tire gut and make me feel better about myself. I have noticed that I am getting pretty thin on the top of my head, the head on my shoulders. I called Bosley, asked for a sample or brochure on their treatment. Oddly enough what I found out is that they take hair from other places and plant it back into the thinning area. When I told the chick I didn't want to become an actual Butthead or Dickhead, she didn't even giggle. Obviously she didn't understand, or it took off over her head like a High School Prom Dress, either way, I thought that was some funny crap. I was proud. I've noticed that when you kid is 6'1" and I'm 5'9" and his mother is 5'2", there seems to be maybe some DNA matching that needs to be done, especially when the UPS man is 6'3". Hey, I know he's mine, I remember the night of duct tape and handcuffs. You talk about being a comedian and having a kid that is all book smart and ding ding dingy on common sense, have I got more material off this kid the last few months then the public health clinic has had crab cases. From him telling my all mice are blind because haven't I ever heard the song "3 blind mice". So I told him there were 3 doors to hell, hasn't he heard of the group 3 Doors Down? He didn't get it. I have what they call a work in progress, I have got to get this kid to come around in 1 year before he is on his own and makes me look like I have kept him in a shell his whole life. On a lighter side of the world and it's issues, time is what you make of it. Posting about your husband being deployed for 12 months, and then posting he is finally home is great news. Then posting within the first 24 hours of him actually being home in your bed, I see there maybe an issue. I know if I was gone for 12 months deployed in the military and came home, the last thing my wife would be able to do is make a Facebook post, I'd have her so worn out she would try to sleep but I'd be like that crazy dog riding her leg. A mans a man, if ya ain't naked, atleast be making us a sandwich, and hey, while your making it, just do it naked, no sandwich is a sandwich without Miracle Whip. Just when your doing it, don't be silly and wrap ole willy.