Facebook

When we can share the things that happen in our lives with the whole world at a press of a button, from a phone, from a computer, from a tablet. Heck, some are even doing it at work. Changing the way people view people all in a simple blue button that says, "SHARE". Some of the smallest things in the world just amuse me, take spiders for example, I'm a 5'9" balding dude that couldn't scare anything more than a baby, but a spider, that little creature can make a 6'4" dude cry like a baby who just got it pacifier stolen by dog. That's power.
The power to change is to really just an object in the mirror, when your standing in front of it. Everyone has it, some just don't want to know, and others, really don't give 2 dog turds wrapped in tootsie roll papers. But, hey, who's counting? The things people post, share, take pictures of just amazes me. I find myself not even watching the news anymore, heck,  why spend 30 minutes watching some dude gab over something when I can just zip onto Facebook and find out everything we need, from weather, to kids sports, who's winning the game, who had what for lunch, who took the biggest crap, what the weather is doing, and best of all, who is going to get the "Facebook Academy Award of the Day". Just admit it, we read others posts, often time asking, WTF?? Especially when they read mine, it takes all kinds of wild minds to make a News Feed interesting enough to keep people wanting more, it's like a porn addiction to porn addicted person. That made no sense, but anywho, crap, we are so socially networked inside this creature called Internet, that we don't even go to a movie unless half of our friends say it's a must see. Good thing ole Egbert or whoever that movie critic was has passed away, he'd would have fallen off the job market now.
I understand that your son won his first soccer game, congrats, but I don't understand why you would want to share all of your business and drama inside your personal life with the world? Does Facebook send you a Sympathy card for making crazy decisions? If so, maybe I should retake this offer. I love mail, especially junk mail. That's awesome you want to eat sushi, the raw fish with some rice in it, please don't post a picture, if I wanted to see a picture of sushi I'd Google Image it. But one thing is for sure, in today's world, when you can take a picture, and have it automatically sync with your Facebook account has become ever so entertaining. Nothing is better than that naked selfie you took to send off to someone, and BOOM, all of a sudden it is on your Facebook, now that's classy. Talk about Facebook making some extra cash, why don't they open up a site just for that, Facebook Honey's, just like the ole Hustler Honey's?? BAM, million dollar industry there Zuckerman. Although this has happen a couple times, I must add not to me, but friends, or what were friends of mine until they figured it out and deleted their pages, I find this funnier than a 3 legged dog trying to catch it's tail.
But, on the other side of the plate, lets talk about how Facebook is always making recommendation's for us. Like we have ever sat down and got to actually meet each other, you have no idea what rolls thru my head, nor do you want to. And if you did, you'd be so damn scared how fast my mind travels you'd be trying to can it and use it for rocket fuel to power the next spaceship. Facebook, you know nothing about me, why in the heck would you recommend a friend to me that I have no pleasure of knowing, and really honestly may dislike their point of view on things. For example, why would you recommend Michelle Obama as a friend? So I can read all her post about how kids are fat and eating turkey bacon for over-priced school lunches is going to make my kid skinny up? Obviously NOT. First off, you know nothing about school lunches, and what you do know is they were free to you when you were growing up, they use to be good, a good way for kids to eat and get energy. You couldn't pay me to eat this crap on paper trays you have them eating, make your kids eat it if it's so damn good, or don't they allow they fake meat in private schools? Obviously not, as you sit back and sip on your Diet Coke and giggle at turkey bacon.
We have all came to know a part of our social media, connected with people we lost touch of, got to check out people we had no idea who they were, and really we have damn good nominations for Facebook Academy Awards. So, as I sit here and giggle how I know you all have Facebook, and that's how you got caught reading this blog, because it was the only social media site I shared it with, just remember, you too my friend, got caught catching up on drama, getting a giggle and asking yourself WTF is Gabe thinking!!! May the night be long, the sleep be good, but if ya don't sleep right away, don't be silly and wrap ole willy.

Facebook FOOD

You know to think about it, the Arch Dictator in the White House has brought
about change in this fine world of ours according to exercise. I am totally shocked
the knothead don’t have Facebook, and if he does, then I say tag that man in a
bunch of pork recipes on Facebook! It sure seems like change is coming, I didn’t
mind the pictures, the funny e-cards, and now, really?!? I have to sit there and
look at some concoction of an eagle headed warrior instead of drooling over
duck lips on some half naked chick like I normally do? We might as well just
do a YouTube push and get it all out in the damn open there Zuckerman,. Why
don’t we just play the same ad’s like they have on TV? I was thinkin’ we had
Facebook sos’ we could talk, meet up, hang out, and enjoy some laughs, but
now all of a sudden some escaped hen from the Pintrest party has moved her
pin me junk over to good old Facebook… it’s like the old game of Pin the tail on
a damn donkey and now I got me food recipe’s posted all over and instead of
my Duck faces on Facebook! If this wasn’t a crime yet I’m a gonna recommend
to my congressman that it should be! After all, It’s about time he did something
constructive anyways right?!?
Now as you may or may not know, I’m currently and plan to be a bachelor.
Like most of us, the only oven we know how to operate is of the MICROWAVE
variety… matter fact, seems to me that’s the ONLY oven one even needs, that
I can recon anyways… Now on the other hand, If I wanted one of those nice
looking gourmet meals, I would go out to eat at the Sam’s Club deli like everyone
else! But when I’m sittin’ on my fat ass here in my Laz-z Boy simply cause I’m
not going to let our fine government tell me what I have to do for exercise, the
last thing I want to see is some Pampered Chef whipped up dinner in a crock-pot
bubbling over like a drunk guy that missed his spittoon.
Now to be sure there are a few things that crack me up, but there’s also some
things that get me more riled up than a car thief who forgot his cell phone in the
stolen car, and perhaps (for me at least) this must be one of them. It’s got me so
riled up my hair has even turned red from my face getting so flushed up! So off I
go to suck the soul from whoever I can find that posts that crap on my Facebook
page. Jus you wait till I find em’!
You know, Oddly enough, the more I think about it, maybe I should start a
movement, matter o fact, it probably took me more calories to hit the delete
button than it did to read your dang recipe you slapped on my screen, I really
may be onto something here... Well, screw it, I guess I’ll just go back to find the
duck lipped half naked chick that thinks she’s all that and a bucket of chicken,
(when actually , it takes more than 8 beers to even have her resemble her
profile pic). So, if you want to jump on the bandwagon and join me in this little
campaign, let’s get to it!, But just in case you’re not, don’t be silly n’ wrap ole
willy! (and by the way, good luck with findin’ that perfect chick that matches her
profile pic.

April Fools

There is nothing worse in my book when an April Fools joke goes onto you. And who was the idiot that decided to change your relationship status on that day should be kicked in the wiener. I started getting all worked up, thinking about all that fresh meat hitting the market and then WHAMO, ha ha, April Folking Fools.
That has to be the dumbest thing since mixing peanut butter and jelly in the same jar. I mean, tell me your dog got ran over, or your cat got caught in the engine fan of the car, but really? Getting my hopes up to be shot down was not what I thought was funny. But, on the other hand, I did read a really cool baby announcement on Facebook. It said, Reservations for the Richardson's in November,,,,,,,,,party of 6. That was freaking classic, I wonder how many people would actually have to stop and think for a second, then later on it would have said, 6, hole crap stains in gym shorts, they ain't even Catholic. Crazy eh?
And Zuckerman, we all know we bitch about the timeline stuff, but here, on the Facebook craze, like you care, you screwed your two buddies out of their profits when they helped ya, our bad for thinking you were listening.
But,,,personally,,,,,I would like to have a button where I can pick where I want to poke the person I am poking. We have every other game on there, get on it buddy folker. Just put a box that says where and let me type it in. But don't get the list from Words With Friends, cause they don't my kind of words are actually words. I can save those for you another day. So, in the meantime, while your are just sitting there burning up your thumbs on the sailboat with Justin Beiber counting your money, have your dudes get on that. But, in the mean time, when Beiber says it's time, don't be silly, wrap ole willy.