Trophy Girls

One thing you can never find now days, even on eHarmony, is a trophy girl. Last night, I rolled out to the dirt track races, in which when I left, I was a dust ball. There was so much dust, I seen girls taking off their bra to give them a shake out. And for us that stare, there were some dirty boobies out there. But, what I didn't see, was, some hot chick giving out trophies.
Not that I am a Jeff Gordan, and the only woman I can catch, is a materialistic chick in a drivers suit handing me a piece of hardware. But, where the heck are the ones like they have on motocross? Those hotties that leave ya drooling like a dog, wishing you were a driver, and damn sure wanting a kiss from all that woman there posing all nice and pretty.
One thing I have learned in my life, is that no matter how hot she is, and she knows it, that chick has a side to her that really let's you know why she is single. From only taking the best of the best, and wanting, waiting, bitching, nagging, making you sleep on the couch, and all that good relationship crap. They are a pain in the ass, ya it looks good taking something out that everyone wants. But this dude will buy a sweet ass Harley and watch people want. A Harley don't bitch, tell you when you can and can't do something, and just like being freshly married, it has the new car smell. When the new car smell wears off, you don't need an attorney, court date, or child support payment to trade it in. That's exactly why a bike is better than a trophy girl.
But, in the mean time, while I pay child support, my bike consist of pedals, handle bars with streamers, and reflectors under my ass so people in the big cars don't hit me. I love to just stroll down the road, making everyone think, That's what happens when you get a DUI. Nothing says I love you more than riding my bike in my BIKE shorts, the old high risers, tight, zipper fly, and a wife beater with some grease on it, and having my hat on backwards with flip flops. I ain't out to style or be in a magazine, I'm just trying to show the point, if you want a Harley, don't be silly wrap ole willy before you hit that trophy girl.

Motorcycle Dude

What is it about great big dudes in leather that all these chicks just can't get enough of? I mean, little chicks, and big ole motorcycle guys. I don't get it, don't he split you open like a can opener in the heat of the night? I mean, gosh darn, I guess I need more McDonald's and a Harley to check this out. And why do they get a bad wrap? Those guys are the funnest people around.
If I was as big as some of them, I would go into a bar and just toss people around like panties in the night. But, I guess I'm not, I have a hard time holding my thing when I'm peeing, let alone some hairy skinny guy. So the other day, I got me some clothes, that I thought came with the attitude. I got some chaps, one of them bandoleer things for my hair, some boots, and ripped off the sleeves to an American Eagle shirt to go out and be Mr Badass. Something about a dude in a SOUL just didn't start the night off right.
So I climb out of the car, skipping steps up to the door because I can, damn near fell twice. Swung open and door, and the original thing happen. It got completely QUIET. So I click clunked my way up to the bar, shoulders back, chin up high to stretch out my double chin, and fist's clinched. That's when I started hearing the giggles. No everyone knows, you don't laugh at the big bad guy at the bar.
I have no idea what this bars problem was. You think it was the pink shirt? Pink flame bandoleer on my head or my red shit kickers? I have no idea, tough is tough, but I figured out it had to be I forgot to shave my ass before I put on the chaps. There was no reason to be silly and forget to wrap ole willy that night.