What is it about great big dudes in leather that all these chicks just can't get enough of? I mean, little chicks, and big ole motorcycle guys. I don't get it, don't he split you open like a can opener in the heat of the night? I mean, gosh darn, I guess I need more McDonald's and a Harley to check this out. And why do they get a bad wrap? Those guys are the funnest people around.
If I was as big as some of them, I would go into a bar and just toss people around like panties in the night. But, I guess I'm not, I have a hard time holding my thing when I'm peeing, let alone some hairy skinny guy. So the other day, I got me some clothes, that I thought came with the attitude. I got some chaps, one of them bandoleer things for my hair, some boots, and ripped off the sleeves to an American Eagle shirt to go out and be Mr Badass. Something about a dude in a SOUL just didn't start the night off right.
So I climb out of the car, skipping steps up to the door because I can, damn near fell twice. Swung open and door, and the original thing happen. It got completely QUIET. So I click clunked my way up to the bar, shoulders back, chin up high to stretch out my double chin, and fist's clinched. That's when I started hearing the giggles. No everyone knows, you don't laugh at the big bad guy at the bar.
I have no idea what this bars problem was. You think it was the pink shirt? Pink flame bandoleer on my head or my red shit kickers? I have no idea, tough is tough, but I figured out it had to be I forgot to shave my ass before I put on the chaps. There was no reason to be silly and forget to wrap ole willy that night.
Showing posts with label bar. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bar. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Last one Standing
Lucky is when you don't leave the bar with the last chick standing. Nothing is worse than taking home a girl that needs a king size bed and no room for you. There is a reason she is the last one standing, and beings she was the only girl buying her own drinks all night does not mean she is classy. The usual signs of the last one standing are very much out there, but you have to drink and pay attention, which are two words that don't mix well with each other.
The last one standing is always dressed with a tight ass shirt trying to just feel good about her over filling middle. Like a big ole jelly donut with 1 swipe on frosting. You wouldn't by that crappy iced donut. Or atleast I wouldn't, I like a donut that makes me know I am going to be fat.
She pays for her drinks, nobody else in the bar is tall and skinny, which is what everyone of those girls end up with. How that is? I have no idea, its like a fly on a curtain, you really have to look to see the fly. But the curtain can smash that fly. Maybe that is the shape it takes to enter the space. There certainly isn't much room in the middle, and we all know she isn't no gymanist.
She pretends she has alot of friends, but when you ask them, they don't associate a friendship level with her. She is running around, giving hugs, acting like old class mates, or the leader of TOPS club. Try hard to fit in, but even sideways, the fit just isn't going to work out for ya.
For some reason, it is always the ugliest girl that thinks she is the hottest. The old line of there isn't a guy here good enough. Shit, there isn't a guy at the bar drunk and dumb enough to ask for a death by smashing. For some reason, died from being smothered, never reads good from a newspaper.
So the moral of the story is, you wouldn't drive a camper to work everyday, so why the hell would you take the big last girl at the bar home? Some cars sit on the lot and never get a testdrive, and some are driven hard, but its' the one with low milage and economical that make night better. Man invented the pillowcase to hide that crap you bring home drunk, but there is no invention to take the scare out of your face when you wake up with such a mess. But the overstuffed ass wrangles are out there, be careful, and remember, friends don't let friends get smothered by fat hairy chicks.
The last one standing is always dressed with a tight ass shirt trying to just feel good about her over filling middle. Like a big ole jelly donut with 1 swipe on frosting. You wouldn't by that crappy iced donut. Or atleast I wouldn't, I like a donut that makes me know I am going to be fat.
She pays for her drinks, nobody else in the bar is tall and skinny, which is what everyone of those girls end up with. How that is? I have no idea, its like a fly on a curtain, you really have to look to see the fly. But the curtain can smash that fly. Maybe that is the shape it takes to enter the space. There certainly isn't much room in the middle, and we all know she isn't no gymanist.
She pretends she has alot of friends, but when you ask them, they don't associate a friendship level with her. She is running around, giving hugs, acting like old class mates, or the leader of TOPS club. Try hard to fit in, but even sideways, the fit just isn't going to work out for ya.
For some reason, it is always the ugliest girl that thinks she is the hottest. The old line of there isn't a guy here good enough. Shit, there isn't a guy at the bar drunk and dumb enough to ask for a death by smashing. For some reason, died from being smothered, never reads good from a newspaper.
So the moral of the story is, you wouldn't drive a camper to work everyday, so why the hell would you take the big last girl at the bar home? Some cars sit on the lot and never get a testdrive, and some are driven hard, but its' the one with low milage and economical that make night better. Man invented the pillowcase to hide that crap you bring home drunk, but there is no invention to take the scare out of your face when you wake up with such a mess. But the overstuffed ass wrangles are out there, be careful, and remember, friends don't let friends get smothered by fat hairy chicks.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)