Cats

You know, last I checked people who have cats are about 100% likely to put that hairy ball on their facebook. Which if you ask me, is just plain wrong. A can't don't play catch, chase the bogyman off, lick your face, sniff your crotch, or ride your leg. So, in my world, a cat is just plain wrong to call a pet. Not that I HATE cats, I just think they make awesome moving targets.
I mean, my favorite cat is a shaved one between two legs. The kind that you pet and you can hear a purr. OH WOW, now I'm going. Back on the farm, with a farmers daughter, there were alot of cats. Barn cats, house cats, cat houses, stray cats, and to cut it all down to simpler terms, we had barn sex, bedroom sex, whorehouses, Ho's. That is some defined taking words to mean other ones. Darn, I guess I am smarter than I think.
But, who the hell pays thousands of dollars for a damn cat? Especially the 4 legged kind that does nothing but shed hair, make you sneeze, and don't even offer a Kleenex? Not I said the non-cat owner with the redneck and pimple on his ass. But if cats were suppose to be here, then we wouldn't have dogs to help reduce the population. Maybe dogs were put here as mercenaries to the cat population. Makes me wonder, chicks like cats, and why is that? They were born with one, if you want to play with a cat, I am more than willing to give you my email to get a picture. Well, maybe not, heck ya. I'm a damn dog like that, ruff ruff, just don't get mad when I wanna ride your leg.
One thing good about cats I can say though is, in the heat of the moment, when you and your woman are going it, a cat will NEVER put its cold ass nose on your ass. Maybe I'm not a dog now, makes me wonder, okay I'm confused. If you test it out to see if your cat will do it, just don't be silly wrap ole willy.

Christmas Time

The greatest thing about this holiday season is the candycanes, and I get to see who in my family really cooks. I mean, back south, when I lived there, KFC was open, and a bucket of chicken was the replacement for the ham. Maybe chicken is easier to chew with no teeth?
But nothing is better than the days when pops went out and knocked the head off a chicken, brought it inside and grandma cooked it up. Like that darn rooster they use to have. That thing was so mean it use to chase me all around the yard, trying to peck my eye out. I use to have to carry a stick just to collect eggs, he would have made a great REPO Chicken, that big mean thing could get anything from anyone.
But one day, gramps said that he died and granny made chicken noodle soup, and I ate that little bastard until I couldn't eat no more. HA! I got the last laugh!
But anyways, back onto Christmas, if my family got together and one person didn't start the annual farting contest, or seeing what kind of noisy toy they could send the cousins home with, it would be pretty darn good. But, here we go, packing the bags like Juan Valdez and some coffee, taking off, headed south, all going to pile into Grannys 1 bedroom house for a whole afternoon, and sit around, eat, fart, watch some football, and then have the dogs do dishes.
Christmas just don't get any better in my world.