Teenage Knock Up

Man, I tell ya what. I'm the kind of dad that will knock on my own car to get my kid a condom. Why? Cause that's how I roll. I just understand why these kids wanna play Russian roulette with their peters and knock some chick up. I mean, damn kid, you ain't even old enough to shave, now your going to be a dad?
I know when I was younger my mom passed along the, I know your a horny little teenager, your going to needs these one night, and you better put it on or I will tie your peter in a knot like a pretzel. The power of moms. Glad it was the family pack.
I see kids out now days that are all bopping around jumping rope because they are fixing to shit a kid. Nothing like being 29 and having to not only pay for your car, and everything, and support another driver in your house. I don't know what is so great about getting knocked up. I can't do it, so I guess it's not cool. But, one thing I do know, this girl basically raped a dude, like that was hard to do, and either or whatever happen, she was on top and yep, it happen. But it wasn't his fault. Like boys think we are stupid. Did you NOT feel your toenails popping off? You didn't notice the shortness of breath and breathing hard? Really, you couldn't feel your whole body tighten up and feel like your balls were going to explode? And the darn kid said, NO. My reply would be, guess the chick wasn't worth it. Nice of you to get laid by a ho for your first.
I know my kid is not in this blog, cause if he was, I would have her loaded up heading to Wichita. HA, just kidding, old enough to play, old enough to pay is what I believe in. There are people in this world that can't have kids and yours will be better taken care of then you could ever offer. So, if your in the heat of the moment, or you catch her with one leg up, don't be silly wrap ole willy.

Helping Hand

I have a HUGE heart for the handicap. This one time, a girl in a wheelchair asked me out on a date, so I said sure. I went and picked her up, and put her wheelchair in my truck and off to the movie we went.
During the movie, she put her hand on my leg, and I couldn't return the favor, cuz she didn't have any. So, I just put mine on her shoulder. She started moving up, and up. Then OMG, came to mind a couple times. So after the movie we went out and she took me down this old dirt road to a dead end. She said, I want you, I thought, OH GOD, I can't do this. So, outloud came a okay. I said HOW? So she directed to me take off my belt and loop it around a branch and come back and get her. I can't do this, I just can't.
So, I went back and carried her out to the belt, and yep, it all happen, she was hanging and so was I. We got done, and then it dawned on me why she had such big arms.
So, I loaded her up and took her back home. Her father greeted up at the end of the walk, which sucked. I had to tell him, so I said, Mr. White, I did your daughter, but she made me. He replied, "that's okay, I'm glad you brought her home, that last dipshit left her out hanging in the tree and I had to go get her."

The Greatest Move

One night, while listening to my THONG SONG, I got to dancing, flipping on and off the lights, and doing some fancy WWE moves. I had this thought of pretending to be superman, and it did not end well at all.
From hitting the lights, being spot blinded, stubbing my toe on the bedside table, causing me to jump up and down, and then hitting myself in the head with the ceiling fan, which inturn caused me to go off kelter and jump sideways right onto the bedpost groin first.
Talk about laid out. I learned that night that just common items in the room can cause more havic on ones body than a damn mower with an ex wife behind the wheel. So, my idea of fixing this situation, was throw out the thong after I got all my butthair unwound off it. I replaced my light with the clapper, took my kids swimming noodle and cut slits in the thing to wrap my fan blades and then duct taped nerf footballs on the bedpost. I am a genuine fix it man.
As for the end table, I no longer have it, I have a dresser so that gives me more room to play around. I'm all healed up now thanks to frozen peas, popsicle sticks, and scotch tape. I am as good as new, and thankfully that night, I didn't even hurt my camcorder.

The BIG talk

So instead if doing what my dad to me, throwing my soon a penthouse forum, to dream of something that will never come true, we decided to talk.
I say him down, told him first things first, sex is not free. No matter how you look at it, you will end up paying for it. Second, wear 2 condoms, I wore one and that's how you got here.
So now that I got those things out of the way, tell me what you know, and I will full in the blanks. So I sat there, and after 20 minutes I grabbed a notebook, after another 10 I got out the digital recorder. As I say there, I caught myself, "no kidding, you can do that?"
So after my education from my son, I went down bought him a playboy, and said enjoy the articles son.

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