Angle of Life

Sometimes in life you just have to let things go. You can't just let them boil up until you go crazy. So,,,,,in my terms.
Life is just like a fart. You can't keep it in, cause it will cause you pain, and not feel good. So, if you just let it go, not only do you feel better, but depending on the release, it is alot cheaper than paying a shrink.. So, just remember, life is just like a fart, and there is always going to be a pain in the ass somewhere waiting to get you.

Another thing I have learned about life. You can loan friends or neighbors money, and that is end of seeing it. So,,,,,in my terms.
Money is just like weed. When you have it, everyone wants it. When you don't have it, nobody wants to share it with you. And when you finally do give in and share, it all goes up in smoke.

So if you take the good, and take the bad, you pretty much stop and think of how the little things in life are funny, or known to me in my world. There is nothing wrong with being a redneck, we always look at things from a different angle, and that angle is usually the one that makes since to everyone else.

Bermuda Triangle

Some of life's greatest adventures can be caused by the Bermuda triangle. We, as men, know this all too well. So, hold my beer and read and watch this.........

We know women, and as men, women bitch about us all the time. We are so simple minded, Jesus if we don't have food, give us sex. Easiest instruction manual you'll ever need. My God, even smart phones come without instruction books now days and you figure them out, so how can you not understand us?

It is so simple, once ya give us sex, we are hooked, like a catfish on a treble hook. We are locked in like like a Guy with no arms in his house. So, this little 3 letter word is the Bermuda triangle to us. You know, once ya go in, your not getting out. And if you do somehow find an exit, we loose our ass on the way out. So, just stop and think, or better yet, toss us a sandwich then give us sex, and we are straight in the zone of no return. And I have no idea why we guys will work so hard to get trapped, but come on guys, be tough, stand strong, this is the last opportunity you will ever have.

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Christmas Time

The greatest thing about this holiday season is the candycanes, and I get to see who in my family really cooks. I mean, back south, when I lived there, KFC was open, and a bucket of chicken was the replacement for the ham. Maybe chicken is easier to chew with no teeth?
But nothing is better than the days when pops went out and knocked the head off a chicken, brought it inside and grandma cooked it up. Like that darn rooster they use to have. That thing was so mean it use to chase me all around the yard, trying to peck my eye out. I use to have to carry a stick just to collect eggs, he would have made a great REPO Chicken, that big mean thing could get anything from anyone.
But one day, gramps said that he died and granny made chicken noodle soup, and I ate that little bastard until I couldn't eat no more. HA! I got the last laugh!
But anyways, back onto Christmas, if my family got together and one person didn't start the annual farting contest, or seeing what kind of noisy toy they could send the cousins home with, it would be pretty darn good. But, here we go, packing the bags like Juan Valdez and some coffee, taking off, headed south, all going to pile into Grannys 1 bedroom house for a whole afternoon, and sit around, eat, fart, watch some football, and then have the dogs do dishes.
Christmas just don't get any better in my world.

Gangsta

Dude, if your mama drops you off and picks you up from school, you are not a gangster. I don't mean to rain on your parade, but never in my lifetime have my pockets extended past my butt.

And the only time you ever seen a guys boxers, was when the class bully pulled them up past the back of his head.

And mama and pops, your at fault for letting these kids dress with their pants down on the ground, and undies way up their backs. My kids don't do that. Shoe some class, not ass.

And the hot chicks like dudes in them tight butted jeans with the wrangler patch on em, last time I checked wrangler didn't make a patch that could be drug on the ground all day.

So step up, pull up, and spare us the laugh at your underoos. Its class buddy, order some!!!!

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Materialistic

I have noticed in my redneck growing up that some women just can't figure out what cards where handed to them and don't know how to play them. Them are the kind of Texas Hold'em players you want to make some money off. For instance.
In todays world you can buy alot of things, lips, boobs, butts, tummy tucks, more hair, eyebrows, and the non-shave upper lips. Now com'on man, we all know when you got some plastic in ya. Its them summer days when you go outside and that plastic gets warm and droopy that is the tale tale sign. Just be your yourself, or can't ya deal with the cards that were dealt to you? This is the kind of girl that use to cheat at UNO so she would win cause she thinks she's all that and a pack of oreos.
And then to take all this plastic extras you paid a Dr. for and open your own shop so everyone can come in and you get your STARDOM FACTOR to cheer you up, and you still have that crappy attitude of I'm better than you because I'm about $12,000 in debt with my ass. I just don't understand.
Back in woods country of America, there are chicks without teeth, wirey hair, one arm, no boobs, hairlips, and whatever else that are happy and genuine. So what ever makes you to go Social on the ole Facebook, and make yourself something your not, is like slapping your own face in the public.
If ya can't face the reality of life, and deal with what you got, all I ask is don't drink out of a bottle with them fish lips, you look like a carp sucking for bugs, and them skinny jeans, they are okay, guys like me like butts, but holy smokes, remove the tag off that cheek you bought.

Sam and Louie's

To much of my learnings, I have found that when 2 cowboys are out in the fields over 30 days that the sheep become nervous. But to stop, and take a new idea and run is going to make you end at a Sam and Louies. Not only can you get yourself an ice cold beer but an awesome taste of Italy where the booths are big and the service is with a smile. So I went in, and yep, beer was cold, and the menu was Italian. WOWZA!! I don't know no Sam from Italy, but that dude must be the brewmaster and knows how to set the temp on the keg cooler.
Now for Louie, many are often confusing him for being a dude from the south,,,,,with a tan..... NOT in this case, he is more like Luigi in that smash the bricks game on the Nintendo. But I know that dude can make a calzone that would talk dirty to you on a sober day. It had more taste than a old folks home has ever been introduced to.
So you take the two, shake them up and then all of a sudden you have a kick butt place to grab some grub, or a calzone, and sip on an ice cold beer. Talk about having your piece of a pizza served to you on a silver platter and lifted up off the table beer high, that took some talent. From the days of sitting on the tailgate, sipping some warm beer, and slidding a box back and forth, they are now history and just memories.
Thanks Sam and Louie, who the hell ever you are and where you reside, but dudes', the beer is chill and pizza is as hot as a $2 hooker on the Vegas Strip. Stop in and take my challenge!!!