Sometimes in my world, where everyone knows me, I think of the damnest things. So, I moved into my dodgeball court apartment. It is HUGE, either one of 2 things needs to happen, I buy more shit, or heck I buy more shit. I got about everything I need, but wooden spoons, but I break them on her butt anyways. I have a couch, which is called the loveseat, because its fun to do the whoopy on, and I have a loveseat, which is equiped with stir ups. Okay, now that you are on the edge of your seat.
I do the damnest things. Like mail something, with no stamp, give myself a papercut licking a pre sealed envelope. But, that's how I roll and I like it. I am wishing I had some more Mexican friends, cause I really need some more shit up in here and cheap too. Nothing beats getting a new tv for case of beer. But I have to say they are wising up. Now the big deal is selling paper products. Who freaking new people can STEAL big ass things of ass wipe and make mean cash. I can see infamil and stuff, because that stuff costs you more than delivery of the child. Which leads me to another off subject.
You pay to make them, you pay to have them, you pay to raise them, and then you keep paying child support. Now comeon, the older the kid gets the less we should pay, he isn't in diapers or formula anymore. Crap, lets make it where we stop paying our ex's when the kid gets his first job. Teach them responsibility, make him fork the bill to his mom for stuff. Or better yet, I guess that would be the first time he ever got money that was actually for him. And that counts for the Harley I didn't get to ride, the car I didn't get to drive, the house I don't live in, all in which my child support, supports.
Okay, now, sometimes, my damn ADD just beats my ass everytime. So don't let him take you on a one track mind, don't be silly wrap ole willy.
Showing posts with label great kids. Show all posts
Showing posts with label great kids. Show all posts
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Playground
Well, outside my place happens to be where the kids toys are. Not because I have all the kids, but I have all the white kids. So, today, I was looking out the back window, and obviously it is nice enough to wear pants that have so many holes they contain less fabric than shorts, with the ole sweatshirt tied around their neck. Some chick, and her chick friend, I would guess about 12 or 13, I'm not into checking kids out, so I may be off on the age. But I wonder if her mom is hot?
So, anywho, I was just sitting there thinking to myself, more than likely out loud also, cause I'm the only one here and my plants stopped answering me when I stopped watering them. I need to take a trip over to Walmart and get me a BB Gun, or paintball. I think a BB would make alot cleaner mess, so a BB gun is what I need. That way when they start their screaming outside, I can just "pop" that BB off and quiet them kids down. I mean, what would that hurt? I would be able to do it without even leaving the appartment. Plus, a BB really don't hurt with just 1 pump, but ask my brother how it feels after 10.
So, back on these swingers, well not yet, they are young. That one girl sat down on that swing like it was a G-Swing, Jesus tits, it made me whistle how tight she had that up there. That is when I knew someone was going to get hurt, and seeing a girl get hung by her hips was not what I wanted to see, so I shut up the window. Well, shortly after that, her mom came down, and she is HOT. So, I gotta go, don't be silly, wrap your willy.
So, anywho, I was just sitting there thinking to myself, more than likely out loud also, cause I'm the only one here and my plants stopped answering me when I stopped watering them. I need to take a trip over to Walmart and get me a BB Gun, or paintball. I think a BB would make alot cleaner mess, so a BB gun is what I need. That way when they start their screaming outside, I can just "pop" that BB off and quiet them kids down. I mean, what would that hurt? I would be able to do it without even leaving the appartment. Plus, a BB really don't hurt with just 1 pump, but ask my brother how it feels after 10.
So, back on these swingers, well not yet, they are young. That one girl sat down on that swing like it was a G-Swing, Jesus tits, it made me whistle how tight she had that up there. That is when I knew someone was going to get hurt, and seeing a girl get hung by her hips was not what I wanted to see, so I shut up the window. Well, shortly after that, her mom came down, and she is HOT. So, I gotta go, don't be silly, wrap your willy.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Crap Nebraskans Say
Beings I am just me, and say alot of crazy things, I am going to shoot a you tube of this blog to take it live, but with ADD so bad my pictures in a math book, if I can remember them, I have the battle WON.
So, here we go Corn Chuckers!!!!!
Hold my beer and watch this shit!!!!
That darn coach better find a job.
Don't Huck the Fuskers.
Wanna go get a dog?
Who gonna be there? Ya?
Gotta work cows.
Can ya come help preg check tomorrow?
Got's a new truck? Bad ass.
Mind if I take your ex on a date? She's the only skinny one left.
What ya doin? Wanna go shoot shit?
Gettin all excited for the fair, got some good shows this year.
I'm gonna snatch you bald headed.
Hows it feel to be shoulder deep in a cows ass?
Damn, member her in grade skool?
Can I get a dip from ya man?
Ah, she smokes, nothing like putting your tongue in an ashtray.
Well, he knocked her up, poor bastard.
Johnson's are getting a divorce, ya, she's a sleeper arounder.
Color tractor you got?
Get any? Always refers to hunting first. Fishing second, women third.
Tighter than a bulls nuts one out from the kill floor.
A cowboy hat is a damn ball cap with a circular brim.
You see that? Yup, did you?
Boy, if I had a swing like that I would mount it on my front porch.
She smells purdy.
You did what with analog phones?
Can I borrow your bag phone?
What's your yield this year?
This kinda stuff is slang to us around these parts. Them damn city kids need to get out and work one time to figure out what life is all about. Damn hoodlooms. We are always there when ya need us, and will do anything for a buddy. Up in the hills, wellllllll, we will leave that alone.
I love my Nebraska, and who we are, we may say some goofy crap, but we can all track and we just really don't care. Anywho, don't be silly wrap ole willy.
So, here we go Corn Chuckers!!!!!
Hold my beer and watch this shit!!!!
That darn coach better find a job.
Don't Huck the Fuskers.
Wanna go get a dog?
Who gonna be there? Ya?
Gotta work cows.
Can ya come help preg check tomorrow?
Got's a new truck? Bad ass.
Mind if I take your ex on a date? She's the only skinny one left.
What ya doin? Wanna go shoot shit?
Gettin all excited for the fair, got some good shows this year.
I'm gonna snatch you bald headed.
Hows it feel to be shoulder deep in a cows ass?
Damn, member her in grade skool?
Can I get a dip from ya man?
Ah, she smokes, nothing like putting your tongue in an ashtray.
Well, he knocked her up, poor bastard.
Johnson's are getting a divorce, ya, she's a sleeper arounder.
Color tractor you got?
Get any? Always refers to hunting first. Fishing second, women third.
Tighter than a bulls nuts one out from the kill floor.
A cowboy hat is a damn ball cap with a circular brim.
You see that? Yup, did you?
Boy, if I had a swing like that I would mount it on my front porch.
She smells purdy.
You did what with analog phones?
Can I borrow your bag phone?
What's your yield this year?
This kinda stuff is slang to us around these parts. Them damn city kids need to get out and work one time to figure out what life is all about. Damn hoodlooms. We are always there when ya need us, and will do anything for a buddy. Up in the hills, wellllllll, we will leave that alone.
I love my Nebraska, and who we are, we may say some goofy crap, but we can all track and we just really don't care. Anywho, don't be silly wrap ole willy.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Dakota Karns
To flip this blog totally upside down. I know most come for a good funny, see what kind of material I am going to have on the road, to see what kind of crazy things I am thinking. So, to shock the word, and put everything aside, I am going to show another side of me that not very many understand, or have got to know. So, here we go.
I had a special buddy of mine that lived across the street from my parents. The kids name was Dakota Karns. He had wonderful parents, and a wonderful family. Not only did he touch everyone he came in contact with, he left a lasting place in their heart, where they would never forget him. He was just a little dude, living in this big world. Never went a day without a smile, and NEVER seen anyone without a hug.
Dakota was a special kid, he had Down's Syndrome, but he never let it pull him down. He took the bad and made it good. One thing my little buddy loved was fireworks. The bigger, louder, cooler, the better. I made my own boomers, and he loved it, and always wanted more. If I could of legally got a stick of dynomite to light off, to watch him jump and scream I would have done it for him. My kids loved watching him get all excited, and it spread to them.
He loved sports, and played them. I remember in baseball, he would tee the ball up, give it a crack and down he went, foul ball, fair ball, didn't matter, he was kicking up dirt. All the other kids, no matter if they knew him or not, never got him out. They would throw the ball, and drop it, whatever it took to get him safe. He could have made the major league, maybe drafted to the Royals so someone would end up on base.
This kid touched me in a way that nobody ever has. He taught me that the world loves to smile, laugh, and have a good time. And that really, no matter how people act, they do have a supportive side. So, after being contacted to start a blog, and then being contacted to hit the road with stand up comedy by friends, I thought about it long and hard. There are a couple people in the world that don't want me to succeed, and that's why they are called ex's.
After thinking, and getting a glimpse in my mind of my special friend, I decided, not only is it worth it to me, it is worth it for the world. I owe people a good hour or two of laughs, good times, to just escape this reality we call life. So, I thank Chris Unrue, and Eric Rose for pushing me, and getting me going on a start, but I think Dakota for inspiring me that anything is possible, no matter what your abilities are.
So, in the next few weeks, I will be working with Dakota's family to set up something to remember this special kid that stole 40,000 hearts in a 50,000 people town. I owe my buddy to take his message, and inspiration with me, to pass it on, and help others that were like him to better their lives from a heart that was so big it finally gave up after 14 years of work. Way to young to leave the world, but did this kid every leave behind something worth sharing.
So in sharing that I do have a heart in his blog, I challenge everyone that takes the time to read this, to stop, think about what you can do to help a special needs child, and I will bet you that they steal your heart too. No matter how big I get, and where God takes me in my adventure, I will not forget the people that made me who I am.
So, take a moment, and think how can a kid at age 14 do more for people that millions have in their whole life? This kid was something else. Thanks for the memories, the laughs, the good oooohhhh and aaaahhhhhs, jumps, times I thought you pee'd your pants with the big booms. I loved you kid, and his family, I look up to you and am here to help. Dakota will have extra time in my shows to spread his message, to tell people how touching this kid was in my life, and how I am inspired to keep going, keep digging to move up, and make dreams come true.
I had a special buddy of mine that lived across the street from my parents. The kids name was Dakota Karns. He had wonderful parents, and a wonderful family. Not only did he touch everyone he came in contact with, he left a lasting place in their heart, where they would never forget him. He was just a little dude, living in this big world. Never went a day without a smile, and NEVER seen anyone without a hug.
Dakota was a special kid, he had Down's Syndrome, but he never let it pull him down. He took the bad and made it good. One thing my little buddy loved was fireworks. The bigger, louder, cooler, the better. I made my own boomers, and he loved it, and always wanted more. If I could of legally got a stick of dynomite to light off, to watch him jump and scream I would have done it for him. My kids loved watching him get all excited, and it spread to them.
He loved sports, and played them. I remember in baseball, he would tee the ball up, give it a crack and down he went, foul ball, fair ball, didn't matter, he was kicking up dirt. All the other kids, no matter if they knew him or not, never got him out. They would throw the ball, and drop it, whatever it took to get him safe. He could have made the major league, maybe drafted to the Royals so someone would end up on base.
This kid touched me in a way that nobody ever has. He taught me that the world loves to smile, laugh, and have a good time. And that really, no matter how people act, they do have a supportive side. So, after being contacted to start a blog, and then being contacted to hit the road with stand up comedy by friends, I thought about it long and hard. There are a couple people in the world that don't want me to succeed, and that's why they are called ex's.
After thinking, and getting a glimpse in my mind of my special friend, I decided, not only is it worth it to me, it is worth it for the world. I owe people a good hour or two of laughs, good times, to just escape this reality we call life. So, I thank Chris Unrue, and Eric Rose for pushing me, and getting me going on a start, but I think Dakota for inspiring me that anything is possible, no matter what your abilities are.
So, in the next few weeks, I will be working with Dakota's family to set up something to remember this special kid that stole 40,000 hearts in a 50,000 people town. I owe my buddy to take his message, and inspiration with me, to pass it on, and help others that were like him to better their lives from a heart that was so big it finally gave up after 14 years of work. Way to young to leave the world, but did this kid every leave behind something worth sharing.
So in sharing that I do have a heart in his blog, I challenge everyone that takes the time to read this, to stop, think about what you can do to help a special needs child, and I will bet you that they steal your heart too. No matter how big I get, and where God takes me in my adventure, I will not forget the people that made me who I am.
So, take a moment, and think how can a kid at age 14 do more for people that millions have in their whole life? This kid was something else. Thanks for the memories, the laughs, the good oooohhhh and aaaahhhhhs, jumps, times I thought you pee'd your pants with the big booms. I loved you kid, and his family, I look up to you and am here to help. Dakota will have extra time in my shows to spread his message, to tell people how touching this kid was in my life, and how I am inspired to keep going, keep digging to move up, and make dreams come true.
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