So, the boys and I just watched diary of a wimpy kid. That movie needs to get a new name, that's not a good name. When I was I in school, everyone told on me for passing notes, like when I passed a note to a girl that said close your legs, the flyswatter are coming in real bad. Or the note that said your feet smell like ass. Never did it occur to me that detention could be made fun. When I had to stay after school, many of my followers would try to go with me, now that's friends.
I was probably the only kid that didn't mind the principles office, heck the secretary was hot. I always walked out with a new pen too.
It wasn't until this movie I found out it wasn't an honor to have your desk next to the teachers. My God, mine was there from first grade on. I thought I was the teachers assistant I didn't know I was the center of attention for the teacher. But we had fun. The times of filling a locker with shaving cream, to kicking 2 lockers open and switching all the stuff around, what a shocking surprise to those kids. The day of running through the girls locker room, to running out to gym in my undies and then saying, damn, forgot to put on my gym shorts.
If I knew girls were so horny in college, I would of tried harder in high school.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Diary of a wimpy kid
Published with Blogger-droid v2.0
Smart Phones & Rednecks
How 2 words in the technology dictionary don't mix. A smart phone and redneck. What's this sync stuff? You can have social network sites, and be a redneck, back up pictures, send messages, but when it all goes together and then all your text message pictures get backed up online and people laugh, you just say how the heck?
There's a reason man invented the smart phone, it was to see what non smart girls were doing. But just some email, or a text on how to block that sync deally bob would be great.
But, now in this world where nothing is private, except the neighbor that live in the closet, buy on, there is someone out there watching you and everything you do. Give them a laugh, check in at the local strip joint, then check in at the free clinic the next day, leave em wondering, but get the last laugh!!!!
Published with Blogger-droid v2.0
Monday, October 24, 2011
the friendly old j.w.
So, sitting at home, with nothing to do, the bell rings and so I lean back in the chair,swing open the door and yell come in. And they did.
To my sweet surprise it was the friendly door to door knockers,,,,aka Johovah Witnesses. What a nice couple, I offered them a beer, and told dude his wife is hotter than a McDonald's French fry right out of the fryer. He wasn't impressed.
So we just watched some football, and I told them, hey my woman will be real excited to know we have another couple stop by, we are swingers. Told them to sit tight, I will go tell her to come out, she's in the shower. So, I got up, went to the bathroom, and heard some scuffling, and the door closed. Obviously, I must have scared them.
When I came back out, they were gone. So, chalk it up as a win for me. They left, I got to enjoy my football game, and nobody else was even home. But I wonder what was going through their mind. Damn J.W.s, that's 3 times I've ran you off. All new crews though, keep them coming, this is fun!!!!!
To my sweet surprise it was the friendly door to door knockers,,,,aka Johovah Witnesses. What a nice couple, I offered them a beer, and told dude his wife is hotter than a McDonald's French fry right out of the fryer. He wasn't impressed.
So we just watched some football, and I told them, hey my woman will be real excited to know we have another couple stop by, we are swingers. Told them to sit tight, I will go tell her to come out, she's in the shower. So, I got up, went to the bathroom, and heard some scuffling, and the door closed. Obviously, I must have scared them.
When I came back out, they were gone. So, chalk it up as a win for me. They left, I got to enjoy my football game, and nobody else was even home. But I wonder what was going through their mind. Damn J.W.s, that's 3 times I've ran you off. All new crews though, keep them coming, this is fun!!!!!
Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Class Speech
If for some ungodly reason, I was voted to give the big class graduation speech, it would have went something like this.
Fellow Partymates,
Just remember that what you do today, many will not remember tomorrow, so what the hell is the use of homework, and putting in so much time into a class project when you know your only 18 once? Take a day off, enjoy yourself, mom and dad are still forking out the bills, and who gives a crap? Really, you have all the rest of your life to work, who needs college? The only job you HAVE to have a college degree for is the President, and look what kind of people have had that job!! I am way better to tie my time into something else.
Everyone needs to go out and make your family proud, we are loosing interest in the XXX video stores, and naughty stores. The kinky side of America is being closed off, therefore, making the people with these stores filthy rich, so get out, open one up, sell the heck out of everything and bring out some competition. Competition is great, it makes the cost go down so I can personally purchase cheaper.
Never date a girl with more hair on her legs than you. And remember that when you join the service to show your appreciation of free enterprise, and TRAVEL. The best way to go and enjoy another country is on the governments dime. Not only do they pay you to go and have a blast, but they even give you all kinds of crazy holidays off with pay. Then get out, take another government job, collect even more money and retire to open 3 more XXX stores and triple your money.
Obviously wearing sunscreen does nothing for you like that dumb song says, so just party naked, your clothes will come off at the end of the night anywho. So remember, you only have the figure you are going to have while you are 18 once in your life, later in life, kids and fat rolls are going to slow you down. And your will always do more in life than the condom in Susan O'Boyles bedside table.
So take it from me, live, laugh and have sex, or love, in any order. And when you hit your class reunion, remember, you heard it from Redneck Gabe FIRST!!!!
Fellow Partymates,
Just remember that what you do today, many will not remember tomorrow, so what the hell is the use of homework, and putting in so much time into a class project when you know your only 18 once? Take a day off, enjoy yourself, mom and dad are still forking out the bills, and who gives a crap? Really, you have all the rest of your life to work, who needs college? The only job you HAVE to have a college degree for is the President, and look what kind of people have had that job!! I am way better to tie my time into something else.
Everyone needs to go out and make your family proud, we are loosing interest in the XXX video stores, and naughty stores. The kinky side of America is being closed off, therefore, making the people with these stores filthy rich, so get out, open one up, sell the heck out of everything and bring out some competition. Competition is great, it makes the cost go down so I can personally purchase cheaper.
Never date a girl with more hair on her legs than you. And remember that when you join the service to show your appreciation of free enterprise, and TRAVEL. The best way to go and enjoy another country is on the governments dime. Not only do they pay you to go and have a blast, but they even give you all kinds of crazy holidays off with pay. Then get out, take another government job, collect even more money and retire to open 3 more XXX stores and triple your money.
Obviously wearing sunscreen does nothing for you like that dumb song says, so just party naked, your clothes will come off at the end of the night anywho. So remember, you only have the figure you are going to have while you are 18 once in your life, later in life, kids and fat rolls are going to slow you down. And your will always do more in life than the condom in Susan O'Boyles bedside table.
So take it from me, live, laugh and have sex, or love, in any order. And when you hit your class reunion, remember, you heard it from Redneck Gabe FIRST!!!!
Monday, October 10, 2011
Hike Bike Trail
Every town needs to have a hike and bike trail along with a Walmart. They go hand and hand. I live along the trail, and to my eyes, many Walmart shoppers walk the trail.
From Halloween costumes all year long, and beings a Walmart shopper myself. I must say, when you take 2lb fishing line tied across the trail about face high, I'm amazes at how many ninjas use the trail. Its like hitting face first into a spider web, hiiiiiii yaaaaa, automatic ninja.
Another favorite of mine is the bb to the ass on a bike trick. One who thinks they are lance Armstrong learns quickly that those rear tires throw rocks. Just a couple pumps, and a ting to the butt cheek seems to slow a novice rider down like a cop on an open street. They jump, almost off the bike, and always turn around. Come on, something small taps your ass and your going Mach 2 on your tour de cup bike from Walmart, and you think you can see it?
Some people are always worried about how they look before going out in public, those same people wear their "don't want to be seen in public with" clothes on the trail. From clownsuits.com to holy crap, I'm colorblind and know that don't go together outfits are totally amazing.
So, until you decide to heat the path, and wear something interesting. I will be the one sitting naked by the window with my bb gun and fishing line. If you don't like me naked, don't look!!!!!
From Halloween costumes all year long, and beings a Walmart shopper myself. I must say, when you take 2lb fishing line tied across the trail about face high, I'm amazes at how many ninjas use the trail. Its like hitting face first into a spider web, hiiiiiii yaaaaa, automatic ninja.
Another favorite of mine is the bb to the ass on a bike trick. One who thinks they are lance Armstrong learns quickly that those rear tires throw rocks. Just a couple pumps, and a ting to the butt cheek seems to slow a novice rider down like a cop on an open street. They jump, almost off the bike, and always turn around. Come on, something small taps your ass and your going Mach 2 on your tour de cup bike from Walmart, and you think you can see it?
Some people are always worried about how they look before going out in public, those same people wear their "don't want to be seen in public with" clothes on the trail. From clownsuits.com to holy crap, I'm colorblind and know that don't go together outfits are totally amazing.
So, until you decide to heat the path, and wear something interesting. I will be the one sitting naked by the window with my bb gun and fishing line. If you don't like me naked, don't look!!!!!
Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Golf
Golf is a sport I just don't understand. You have 2 men running around, counting strokes, to get their balls in a hole. And he with the less strokes wins? No woman likes a minute man.
And why is it they be quiet? If you can't play with noise then practice, I like noise when trying to get balls in a hole.
I would of never came up with such a game. And yelling Four when you almost hit someone? In the army we yelled incoming. Four? Really. ?
On days I drive past a course, I honk, and yell four, just to get a reaction on Americas quietest sporting field. Take a book, its an outdoor library.
But to run in and take a cart and do donuts, yell four everywhere and make an obstical course out of the trees is the way I roll.
And why is it they be quiet? If you can't play with noise then practice, I like noise when trying to get balls in a hole.
I would of never came up with such a game. And yelling Four when you almost hit someone? In the army we yelled incoming. Four? Really. ?
On days I drive past a course, I honk, and yell four, just to get a reaction on Americas quietest sporting field. Take a book, its an outdoor library.
But to run in and take a cart and do donuts, yell four everywhere and make an obstical course out of the trees is the way I roll.
Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)