You know, when I first found out how to blog, thanks Unrue, I figured WTF, and not welcome to facebook, it's so easy a redneck caveman can do it. It is just so funny how I can go back in time and read how my mind is an endless adventure and you, and me, really know what is going to come out next. Its kinda like taking up a dare to get in the hottub when there is a hairy dude in there that looks like he is wrapped up by seaweed.
And then, people come up to me, I love your blog, NO CRAP? Me too, never have I had this much fun since I was 14 and discovered lotion. It is great. I can go out in my old world and travel like the Jetson's, not to be confused by the Jeffersons, and just write. Maybe I can sell this stuff to a shrink or something. Ah, what is the use for that?
But, to just run and jump on a page to make others laugh, and then do a stand up, remembering the title and not remembering what I had typed makes it all more fun. It's kinda like sex, or not, or maybe kinda. Maybe not really the laugh part. But I did figure out the other night, my girlfriend belives in the 5 second rule. I got all into it, like a LJ Jenkins riding a bull, and fell off the bed, and YUUUUUUPPPPP, she picked right on up before the 5 seconds and finished. Now that's a keeper. Other than the concussion, bruised ribs, and black eye, that was the time of my life right there. I looked like Justin Bieber in high heels I was so proud.
But, anyways, I hope you all enjoy my endless mind adventures, and keep reading. Cause even for real, in my life, when I talk, nobody can predict what is going to come out. I have got the "if you embarrass me one time" speech more than Chris Brown hearing "don't hit me again". So, until then, don't be silly, wrap ole willy.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Traveling
Nothing beats the feeling of knowing you are going to get out of the home for a short time. But, man, when it's weekend after weekend, I just decided to live my life out of a suitcase. If I was smart, I would just live with my parents during my time I was home, save rent, and utilities, and then just travel some more. On the road you get to see some pretty neat stuff.
Like down in Tex-ass, a speed bump is considered a line of armadillos crossing the road. In Oklahoma, you go from toothless Joe's to tattoo'd Indians back to normals that just talk funny. Iowa has the northerners, where the men are men and the sheep run scared, and South Dakota, is a backwards Oklahoma. Colorado is just colorful, with all the immigrants they let out at night, and Wyoming,,,,,well,,,,,when the wind aint blowing, you ain't gonna see no panties unless you pay for em. And then ya got Kansas, where northeast, they are vowed not to laugh, and the central, where funny is funny, and the west, where English is non-understanding.
But there are many things I love about the road. The achmed running the hotels, what ever happen to the old couple that lived in the apartment behind the counter? Now you walk in, smell BBQ fish, and get a ELLO, HEP YOU? Man, the good ole days. But I guess that is what the world is coming to when we offer 5 star hotels at a 1 star price. Hummmmmm, who knew?
That's about as jacked up as my smart phone, having the screen on one side and the camera on the other. Now I know why they have dash mounts for them, but I shut my damn hand in the door 3 times just trying to skype to my brother. STUPID IDEA, that is a lesson of COMPUTER GEEK FAIL.
So, until you read again, don't be silly wrap ole willy. Oh, and I can now say, leave my woman alone.
Like down in Tex-ass, a speed bump is considered a line of armadillos crossing the road. In Oklahoma, you go from toothless Joe's to tattoo'd Indians back to normals that just talk funny. Iowa has the northerners, where the men are men and the sheep run scared, and South Dakota, is a backwards Oklahoma. Colorado is just colorful, with all the immigrants they let out at night, and Wyoming,,,,,well,,,,,when the wind aint blowing, you ain't gonna see no panties unless you pay for em. And then ya got Kansas, where northeast, they are vowed not to laugh, and the central, where funny is funny, and the west, where English is non-understanding.
But there are many things I love about the road. The achmed running the hotels, what ever happen to the old couple that lived in the apartment behind the counter? Now you walk in, smell BBQ fish, and get a ELLO, HEP YOU? Man, the good ole days. But I guess that is what the world is coming to when we offer 5 star hotels at a 1 star price. Hummmmmm, who knew?
That's about as jacked up as my smart phone, having the screen on one side and the camera on the other. Now I know why they have dash mounts for them, but I shut my damn hand in the door 3 times just trying to skype to my brother. STUPID IDEA, that is a lesson of COMPUTER GEEK FAIL.
So, until you read again, don't be silly wrap ole willy. Oh, and I can now say, leave my woman alone.
Nebraska Danger
There is nothing better in Nebraska than some football. The kind of football you can see guys get hit so hard their jock strap stretches out. The kind that makes mouth guards cancel warranties. That's called football.
Now take some of those dudes, pin them up in a 50 yard or so ring, with some padding like a padded up soccer field, and toss them a ball. That is a damn sport. Being so close to the action you can catch a ball, or get sweat flicked in your eye.
Until you been to an IFL game, nothing in life would top it. Take being at a hockey game, with no glass, when they play with footballs instead of a hard plastic object that will make you look like you came from Arkansas, and experience the thrill of 4 quaters. Take an announcer that gets into the game like a shoelace on a players shoe, toss in a couple crazy fired up coaches, and you have the Nebraska Danger.
You have not seen anything in your football days, until you have sat inside, had a cold one, yelled and screamed until you lost your voice, and then walked out with a game ball, cause you catch it, you keep it. It's like 4 quaters of riding the craziest rollercoaster in the front seat.
It's even,,,,,well almost,,,,,better than NASCAR. There are some left turns, crash and burns, pit, tire changes, and if you sit close enough, there are even some exhaust smells in the air. So get your butt out, scream and shout, the year has began where we hang up the "N" and we accept IFL for the winter to keep up warm and give us that FOOTBALL TICKLE we love in Nebraska.
Now take some of those dudes, pin them up in a 50 yard or so ring, with some padding like a padded up soccer field, and toss them a ball. That is a damn sport. Being so close to the action you can catch a ball, or get sweat flicked in your eye.
Until you been to an IFL game, nothing in life would top it. Take being at a hockey game, with no glass, when they play with footballs instead of a hard plastic object that will make you look like you came from Arkansas, and experience the thrill of 4 quaters. Take an announcer that gets into the game like a shoelace on a players shoe, toss in a couple crazy fired up coaches, and you have the Nebraska Danger.
You have not seen anything in your football days, until you have sat inside, had a cold one, yelled and screamed until you lost your voice, and then walked out with a game ball, cause you catch it, you keep it. It's like 4 quaters of riding the craziest rollercoaster in the front seat.
It's even,,,,,well almost,,,,,better than NASCAR. There are some left turns, crash and burns, pit, tire changes, and if you sit close enough, there are even some exhaust smells in the air. So get your butt out, scream and shout, the year has began where we hang up the "N" and we accept IFL for the winter to keep up warm and give us that FOOTBALL TICKLE we love in Nebraska.
Maury
We have the modern day Barney and Clyde, we have Bieber bitch on the radio, we have so many things on the tube now days. But one thing we have that nobody else does, is YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER.
Nothings is better than watching some ghetto, Kim Kirdashian wanna be take about 3 guys in for a DNA test because she can't remember who she slept with when, but she still don't believe she is a HO. I love to watch the ole Tupac wanna be's jump around and yell "toll ya, toll ya" like they weren't sweating like President Obama in the middle of a KKK ralley. Really? Come on, I was born at night but not last night. Not even the night before, thinking on that.
So, pal, don't be silly wrap ole willy, but wait, you won't be the Maury Star you always dreamed of if you do that. So, stop and think, look at what you are doing to yourself. You want your homeboys running up to you saying, Oh bro, I sawed you on Maury, way to pull it off bro. That that make you tickle like peach rolling down your chest? Don't be goofy, no HO before BRO. Stop banging your friends girl, get one of your own, your a supastar now.
So, until, Maury passes along, and Anderson gets a grip, and then Maury is archived with Springer, just don't be silly, wrap ole willy. Stardom is NOT posing as a father because you banged a HO in the HOJO on Saturday night.
Nothings is better than watching some ghetto, Kim Kirdashian wanna be take about 3 guys in for a DNA test because she can't remember who she slept with when, but she still don't believe she is a HO. I love to watch the ole Tupac wanna be's jump around and yell "toll ya, toll ya" like they weren't sweating like President Obama in the middle of a KKK ralley. Really? Come on, I was born at night but not last night. Not even the night before, thinking on that.
So, pal, don't be silly wrap ole willy, but wait, you won't be the Maury Star you always dreamed of if you do that. So, stop and think, look at what you are doing to yourself. You want your homeboys running up to you saying, Oh bro, I sawed you on Maury, way to pull it off bro. That that make you tickle like peach rolling down your chest? Don't be goofy, no HO before BRO. Stop banging your friends girl, get one of your own, your a supastar now.
So, until, Maury passes along, and Anderson gets a grip, and then Maury is archived with Springer, just don't be silly, wrap ole willy. Stardom is NOT posing as a father because you banged a HO in the HOJO on Saturday night.
Only IN Nebraska
Only in Nebraska do you have to leave for work early counting on getting behind a tractor during planting and harvest time.
Only in Nebraska do you not have to double check locking the front door.
Only in Nebraska can you drive around with a rifle in the back window of your truck, and nobody is worried.
Only Nebraska men can ask for help working cows and their friends know it don't mean going to the bar.
Only in Nebraska can you go next door and ask for some sugar and their husband don't get mad.
Only in Nebraska can you tell your story at a local bar, and have someone buy you a drink and listen.
Only in Nebraska can your kids play football in the street and some jackhole don't honk or try running them over.
Only in Western Nebraska can you have a cattle drive down the main highway and people aren't honking and getting pissed.
Only in Nebraska can you give a neighbor a key to your crib when your on vacation, and come back and everything is still in the house.
Only Nebraska can make for a National Holiday on Saturdays during football season.
Only in Nebraska can you walk up to someone, voice your thoughts, and make them laugh at how silly they really are.
Only in Nebraska can you be 16 and knocked up, and your mama will help you raise the kid, so you finish school.
Only in Nebraska can you find someone that will give you their heart, and you are good with that the way it is.
Only in Nebraska can your have your ex and new girlfriend help you move without a fight or guns.
Only in Nebraska can you call a neighbor to help preg check cattle and they are right over.
Only Nebraskans can understand walking on the highway, and getting a ride the first mile.
Only in Nebraska do the cops prefer corn on the cob over donuts.
Only in Nebraska can you be someone, and just walk around being treated just like a normal person.
Only Nebraska people understand the meaning of TRUE friendship, where it leads. where you go, ice cold beer, and working on trucks is more important than going to a movie.
Only in Nebraska can you walk into a house and know at 6 o'clock you can have a warm meal with strangers, whom become best friends.
Only Nebraska is the place I want to hang my hat. No other place can I drive for 80 miles and only see 1 gas station, and the women can work harder than some men. Where sweat is not frowned upon, it make you sexy, and where you can get frostbite, windburn, sunburn and a tornado all in one day. So when picking out where to go, stop and think how many locks are on your door. But don't be silly, wrap ole willy.
Only in Nebraska do you not have to double check locking the front door.
Only in Nebraska can you drive around with a rifle in the back window of your truck, and nobody is worried.
Only Nebraska men can ask for help working cows and their friends know it don't mean going to the bar.
Only in Nebraska can you go next door and ask for some sugar and their husband don't get mad.
Only in Nebraska can you tell your story at a local bar, and have someone buy you a drink and listen.
Only in Nebraska can your kids play football in the street and some jackhole don't honk or try running them over.
Only in Western Nebraska can you have a cattle drive down the main highway and people aren't honking and getting pissed.
Only in Nebraska can you give a neighbor a key to your crib when your on vacation, and come back and everything is still in the house.
Only Nebraska can make for a National Holiday on Saturdays during football season.
Only in Nebraska can you walk up to someone, voice your thoughts, and make them laugh at how silly they really are.
Only in Nebraska can you be 16 and knocked up, and your mama will help you raise the kid, so you finish school.
Only in Nebraska can you find someone that will give you their heart, and you are good with that the way it is.
Only in Nebraska can your have your ex and new girlfriend help you move without a fight or guns.
Only in Nebraska can you call a neighbor to help preg check cattle and they are right over.
Only Nebraskans can understand walking on the highway, and getting a ride the first mile.
Only in Nebraska do the cops prefer corn on the cob over donuts.
Only in Nebraska can you be someone, and just walk around being treated just like a normal person.
Only Nebraska people understand the meaning of TRUE friendship, where it leads. where you go, ice cold beer, and working on trucks is more important than going to a movie.
Only in Nebraska can you walk into a house and know at 6 o'clock you can have a warm meal with strangers, whom become best friends.
Only Nebraska is the place I want to hang my hat. No other place can I drive for 80 miles and only see 1 gas station, and the women can work harder than some men. Where sweat is not frowned upon, it make you sexy, and where you can get frostbite, windburn, sunburn and a tornado all in one day. So when picking out where to go, stop and think how many locks are on your door. But don't be silly, wrap ole willy.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Modays
Who ever came up with working on Mondays obviously was nothing thinking with the right head. I believe it was a guy who took the last woman standing home from the bar, and decided that was his only escape. That's a crock of crap if you ask me. First off, NOBODY takes the last one standing, with the hairy nipples, and croutons in her belly button. But anywho.
After hitting the road, I myself don't really have a day to sleep in. So, what I am going to do, is beings our current President prays 5 times a day, at 10 minutes a prayer, that give's us normal people an hour. He works out about 2 hours a day, so now we have 3, and then has some family time with his girls, surely he is a super dad with our tax payers gas and goes and gets them from school, so theres another hour. Now we have 4, and add one for lunch. So, I'm sure that he drinks lots of water, which kills another hour in the bathroom. Then, obviously he has friends he chats with, so now I have 8. So, if we all just bitch loud enough, and sign some petitions, we can just have us a 3 day weekend, because our fearless leader spends 8 hours a day goofing off. What is 8 hours to us, when he does it everyday.
Someone has to be there to collect the tax money coming in, so he gets paid. Well, what has he given to me? Notta a damn thing, I didn't even get a birthday card. But actually, I would have sent it back, just to save the stamp with my email address on the back, send it free there chicken leg eater!! So, from now on, when we are stumbling out of bed, to work, think all be damn, Gabe was right, we should just all get together and have a day off. WTF, the bank isn't even open today, now that really has me going. Damn, so don't be silly wrap ole willy.
After hitting the road, I myself don't really have a day to sleep in. So, what I am going to do, is beings our current President prays 5 times a day, at 10 minutes a prayer, that give's us normal people an hour. He works out about 2 hours a day, so now we have 3, and then has some family time with his girls, surely he is a super dad with our tax payers gas and goes and gets them from school, so theres another hour. Now we have 4, and add one for lunch. So, I'm sure that he drinks lots of water, which kills another hour in the bathroom. Then, obviously he has friends he chats with, so now I have 8. So, if we all just bitch loud enough, and sign some petitions, we can just have us a 3 day weekend, because our fearless leader spends 8 hours a day goofing off. What is 8 hours to us, when he does it everyday.
Someone has to be there to collect the tax money coming in, so he gets paid. Well, what has he given to me? Notta a damn thing, I didn't even get a birthday card. But actually, I would have sent it back, just to save the stamp with my email address on the back, send it free there chicken leg eater!! So, from now on, when we are stumbling out of bed, to work, think all be damn, Gabe was right, we should just all get together and have a day off. WTF, the bank isn't even open today, now that really has me going. Damn, so don't be silly wrap ole willy.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
What a time
So, as I was sitting with a bunch of friends around the table on night. They kept telling me about this crazy friend they had. The one that would walk around with his zipper down just to see if anyone noticed. I thought, all be darn.
Then they went on to telling stories of how he can table dance, and get about any chick to do anything. Then, I thought, what a man. Stories of how he can just walk into a bar or any place and tons of people come up to him and just sit and laugh and laugh. Man, what a guy.
But, when they started out telling stories of how he was streaking in his undies directing traffic in an intersection, and knocking on windows of peoples bathrooms, and when the cops chased him for letting all the 4-H animals out down at the Adams County Fair Grounds in Hastings the night before he got stupid and got married. That is when it dawned on,,,,that crazy SOB is me.
No other dude in this world can say that he was chased by the cops, with a hand in cast, because he smashed it 2 days before at work, and STILL managed to get all the animals out of the 4-H barn to run loose.
But some of that stuff, I wish I remembered half of those funny things I have done. But, in the mean time, I have figured out, I am making a lasting impression on people who meet me, and people who know me. Never a dull moment. Never. But, just take one thing from me, don't be silly, wrap ole willy.
Then they went on to telling stories of how he can table dance, and get about any chick to do anything. Then, I thought, what a man. Stories of how he can just walk into a bar or any place and tons of people come up to him and just sit and laugh and laugh. Man, what a guy.
But, when they started out telling stories of how he was streaking in his undies directing traffic in an intersection, and knocking on windows of peoples bathrooms, and when the cops chased him for letting all the 4-H animals out down at the Adams County Fair Grounds in Hastings the night before he got stupid and got married. That is when it dawned on,,,,that crazy SOB is me.
No other dude in this world can say that he was chased by the cops, with a hand in cast, because he smashed it 2 days before at work, and STILL managed to get all the animals out of the 4-H barn to run loose.
But some of that stuff, I wish I remembered half of those funny things I have done. But, in the mean time, I have figured out, I am making a lasting impression on people who meet me, and people who know me. Never a dull moment. Never. But, just take one thing from me, don't be silly, wrap ole willy.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Funniest Thing
So, last night, I got the pleasure of meeting this kid from UNL, who is going to become a Veterinarian and going to Iowa for school. He was a pretty classing sheep wrangler, tall, skinny, over boots, Velcro gloves and the whole 9 yards. But, whenever I am at a show, I always meet a hundred comedians and have heard about every joke out there,,,,,,,twice.
But, this slacker, had me about fall out of my damn chair. He looks at me all serious, and here it goes.
Know what the funniest thing to ever see in your life is?? A tom cat coming out of anaesthesia after a de-clawing and neutering......As I thought, WTF, why is that funny?
He said, he stretches all out, looks at his sore hands, and says, shit how am I going to scratch my,,,,,,,,,looks down,,,,,,,oh damn, I am all screwed up now.
That had to be the best on the road joke I have heard. And I want to say,,,,thanks pal, and don't be silly, wrap ole willy.
But, this slacker, had me about fall out of my damn chair. He looks at me all serious, and here it goes.
Know what the funniest thing to ever see in your life is?? A tom cat coming out of anaesthesia after a de-clawing and neutering......As I thought, WTF, why is that funny?
He said, he stretches all out, looks at his sore hands, and says, shit how am I going to scratch my,,,,,,,,,looks down,,,,,,,oh damn, I am all screwed up now.
That had to be the best on the road joke I have heard. And I want to say,,,,thanks pal, and don't be silly, wrap ole willy.
Drama in the FBland
I swear there are two kinds of people in the world any more, book writers, and movie directors. Nothing beats when ya have a break up, and a funny fan page, people think, OMG, I am going to so like copy and paste this status to his ex. Great, congrats on the ole copy and paste.
Well, to let everyone know, there are always more than one chapter in a book, if you only have enough for a magazine, toss it away, magazines only come out every week or two with all new stuff. So, you dont have enough to make ya look good.
And second, if you want to do a movie. Do one on someone that died that nobody knew about. Like JFK, or Tupac, someone that cant defend whats right or wrong. But just remember, make it a short act, cause really, you don't know crap about that subject either. But it does crack me up how messed up ones life has to be in order to try getting waste high in someone elses. Good job, now go stand in front of the mirror you cracked looking into it the first time, and take a good gander at yourself.
All in all, all the crap really dosen't bother me, just bacuse you didn't know what all was happening behind closed doors, or what others around you at the time were saying. All of a sudden, behind curtain 3 there is the hidden actress we been leaving out of the opening act. Well, way to go, I love to see people shine in my world. It always makes for GREAT MATERIAL. So just take all your little copy and paste, get your book, or one act, and lets make that a mystery and shove it up your butt. That's what I have to say about that. So, until you decide to do something better with your wasteful life, don't be silly, wrap ole willy, cause we all KNOW WE DON"T WANT ANOTHER OF YOU.
Well, to let everyone know, there are always more than one chapter in a book, if you only have enough for a magazine, toss it away, magazines only come out every week or two with all new stuff. So, you dont have enough to make ya look good.
And second, if you want to do a movie. Do one on someone that died that nobody knew about. Like JFK, or Tupac, someone that cant defend whats right or wrong. But just remember, make it a short act, cause really, you don't know crap about that subject either. But it does crack me up how messed up ones life has to be in order to try getting waste high in someone elses. Good job, now go stand in front of the mirror you cracked looking into it the first time, and take a good gander at yourself.
All in all, all the crap really dosen't bother me, just bacuse you didn't know what all was happening behind closed doors, or what others around you at the time were saying. All of a sudden, behind curtain 3 there is the hidden actress we been leaving out of the opening act. Well, way to go, I love to see people shine in my world. It always makes for GREAT MATERIAL. So just take all your little copy and paste, get your book, or one act, and lets make that a mystery and shove it up your butt. That's what I have to say about that. So, until you decide to do something better with your wasteful life, don't be silly, wrap ole willy, cause we all KNOW WE DON"T WANT ANOTHER OF YOU.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
What you say???
This generation of text messaging, and IM just blows my mind. Back when I was in school, getting detention for honking teachers noses, passing X rated notes, shooting spit wads, and just plain ole being me, I never thought I would have me an Apple 2e in my pocket that I could talk into. WOW, that just aged me like a bad can of sardines.
To take all this slang, and whatever text shorthand deally bobs are like WTF, who would have guessed. I thought just the Army used those things. I mean, TP has been around for a long time, but WTF? Who sit down and figured that out? I have created some pretty good stuff in my day, but man that has to cap it off.
If someone would have said you know, Milhon, one day you are going to have a little phone in your pocket you can talk in, and text, and watch porn. I probably wouldn't have been excited about any of it except,,,,,,ya you know me too. But to have to learn a new language? This is just confusing the hell ups out of me. LMFAO was greek to me until a couple months ago. WTF has always been the Wild Turkey Federation, and ROTFLMFAO? Sounds kinda Nazi.
So, if you want to text or short hand, remember, not all of us are simple minded, some of us had to LONG HAND all of our report papers we wrote in school. Yes, we owned pens and pencils, and had to write until we had indents in our fingers, and a pile of lined paper to hand in. So, if ya text me, and I'm like HUH? Don't think you stumped me, cause I am still smarter than you. It's my name on the ticket, and your sitting watching me. So, fans, thanks alot for making me have to try to match things up like playing a game of hangman. But until then, don't be silly, wrap ole willy.
To take all this slang, and whatever text shorthand deally bobs are like WTF, who would have guessed. I thought just the Army used those things. I mean, TP has been around for a long time, but WTF? Who sit down and figured that out? I have created some pretty good stuff in my day, but man that has to cap it off.
If someone would have said you know, Milhon, one day you are going to have a little phone in your pocket you can talk in, and text, and watch porn. I probably wouldn't have been excited about any of it except,,,,,,ya you know me too. But to have to learn a new language? This is just confusing the hell ups out of me. LMFAO was greek to me until a couple months ago. WTF has always been the Wild Turkey Federation, and ROTFLMFAO? Sounds kinda Nazi.
So, if you want to text or short hand, remember, not all of us are simple minded, some of us had to LONG HAND all of our report papers we wrote in school. Yes, we owned pens and pencils, and had to write until we had indents in our fingers, and a pile of lined paper to hand in. So, if ya text me, and I'm like HUH? Don't think you stumped me, cause I am still smarter than you. It's my name on the ticket, and your sitting watching me. So, fans, thanks alot for making me have to try to match things up like playing a game of hangman. But until then, don't be silly, wrap ole willy.
Stupid things I've done
So, the other day on FB, I said I would blog some of the crazy things I have done in my time. I mean, really, at the time they weren't all that crazy, but misson accomplished. It all started from when I was a kid, on a dare, to ride my bike into a lake. And from there, it kinda went this way.
For $50 bucks one night, and some whiskey, I pierced my own nipples. And hints the reason I always wear 2 shirts now. For some reason, them things always think its cold outside. Damn things. But that all came to an end one day I got a titty twister, and ended up getting the hoop ripped out. But, I took one for the team.
I decided to scale the barracks wall one night. I really don't know what I was thinking, but I had some influence from some buddies that made me think I was superman. That was a site to see. Tried it the day after and never could get on the roof.
Went car surfing one time. SOBER even. If Michael J Fox could do it, by God so could I. It was a ride, until the wave took a sudden left hand turn, and I went right, on my ass.
When you stop and think about some of the wild things I have done, or did for money, one would think I was a homeless dude wearing free bowling shoes on a street corner with a stollen box. But that wasn't the case, I just lived kinda on the edge. Been chased by husbands, boyfriends, kids, other dudes, and let me tell ya, when I see metal, I can run faster. I was always the one everyone would come ask if they wanted to see if it was humanly possible. If we could have had a camera back then on me, we would have about 18 years of Jackass the movie still going. I have rode in grocery carts being pushed by cars, and people. Took wax paper down the old metal slides down the park to grease them up and watch kids fly. Pulled behind a boat with a rope, no skis, jumped off cliffs, bridges, and if I had the chance would jump off a plane into the water too. Some of the best things I have done have always stuck in my buddies heads, and still to this day, they say, I am shocked your still alive. All in all, the only time I REALLY got stitches, was playing water polo in the Gulf War in a swimming pool, I took an elbow to the head. Got me 13 threads, and the pool looked like an episode of Jaws. So when someone says, I would try that and chickens out, I was always there to help out. Now that I am older, yet not wiser, I still like to have fun, but for some reason I don't heal up like I use to.
So, if you ever say, DOUBLE DOG DARE, or call me the magic word I can't take, I will prove you wrong. Never the less, I have ate some crazy things in my day too. But, when it all breaks down, and you think about it,,,,,just remember, don't be silly, wrap ole willy.
For $50 bucks one night, and some whiskey, I pierced my own nipples. And hints the reason I always wear 2 shirts now. For some reason, them things always think its cold outside. Damn things. But that all came to an end one day I got a titty twister, and ended up getting the hoop ripped out. But, I took one for the team.
I decided to scale the barracks wall one night. I really don't know what I was thinking, but I had some influence from some buddies that made me think I was superman. That was a site to see. Tried it the day after and never could get on the roof.
Went car surfing one time. SOBER even. If Michael J Fox could do it, by God so could I. It was a ride, until the wave took a sudden left hand turn, and I went right, on my ass.
When you stop and think about some of the wild things I have done, or did for money, one would think I was a homeless dude wearing free bowling shoes on a street corner with a stollen box. But that wasn't the case, I just lived kinda on the edge. Been chased by husbands, boyfriends, kids, other dudes, and let me tell ya, when I see metal, I can run faster. I was always the one everyone would come ask if they wanted to see if it was humanly possible. If we could have had a camera back then on me, we would have about 18 years of Jackass the movie still going. I have rode in grocery carts being pushed by cars, and people. Took wax paper down the old metal slides down the park to grease them up and watch kids fly. Pulled behind a boat with a rope, no skis, jumped off cliffs, bridges, and if I had the chance would jump off a plane into the water too. Some of the best things I have done have always stuck in my buddies heads, and still to this day, they say, I am shocked your still alive. All in all, the only time I REALLY got stitches, was playing water polo in the Gulf War in a swimming pool, I took an elbow to the head. Got me 13 threads, and the pool looked like an episode of Jaws. So when someone says, I would try that and chickens out, I was always there to help out. Now that I am older, yet not wiser, I still like to have fun, but for some reason I don't heal up like I use to.
So, if you ever say, DOUBLE DOG DARE, or call me the magic word I can't take, I will prove you wrong. Never the less, I have ate some crazy things in my day too. But, when it all breaks down, and you think about it,,,,,just remember, don't be silly, wrap ole willy.
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