Do you ever get the sudden urge to just run up behing someone and slap the back of their head?
The urge to depants someone in Walmart?
The urge to go in the bathroom and make all kinds of moaning noises where they can hear it outside?
The urge to tie some fishing line across the hike and bike trail?
The urge to throw a blow up doll of an overpass?
The urge to put a brick behind the neighbors tire?
The urge to prank call a diner your at just to hear them announce for Eilleen Ulich?
The urge to yell rape during the church sermon?
The urge to just stand up, throw popcorn everywhere, and your soda at the movies yelling I can't take no more?
The urge to call school and ask if your kid made it when they don't even go there?
The urge to get the urge to do the urge is harder than to hold the urge back. I have no idea what that means, but it looks cool. I just sometimes come up with the urges to just do the damnest things, heck, the world ends this year according to Assterdamnist, so live the urges, step up, rip that towel off that dudes head just because you may not have the chance next year. But, don't forget, don't be silly, wrap ole willy.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Dress Code
Who in the hell made the dress code of big girl pants and UGGS? I mean comeon, you don't see me wearing big boy pants and combat boots. So what in the heck makes that so cool??
To break it down, big girl pants, aka sweatpants. You never see any female over 250 lbs wearing jeans, or a skirt. OH NO, its either sweatpants, or a dress all the way down to the ground mopping up ants. I could never understand the dress. But could you imagine, that would be alot of denium, and how many belt loops would be required?
In some ways, I am glad they go for the big girl pants. It makes me just want to run up and whip them down real quick. It is so hard to hold back the urge. But then I think of that golfball dimpled ass under them granny panties, or what if they had none on? OMG. After that thought, I will never ride on the electric cart at Walmart. Can you imagine what has dripped down off the seat?
Well, now that you are completly disgussted, and about to puke in your mouth, I better just close with don't think its cool to look like that. We don't go, oh look at the hottie in the sweats and UGGS. So, don't be silly, wrap ole willy.
To break it down, big girl pants, aka sweatpants. You never see any female over 250 lbs wearing jeans, or a skirt. OH NO, its either sweatpants, or a dress all the way down to the ground mopping up ants. I could never understand the dress. But could you imagine, that would be alot of denium, and how many belt loops would be required?
In some ways, I am glad they go for the big girl pants. It makes me just want to run up and whip them down real quick. It is so hard to hold back the urge. But then I think of that golfball dimpled ass under them granny panties, or what if they had none on? OMG. After that thought, I will never ride on the electric cart at Walmart. Can you imagine what has dripped down off the seat?
Well, now that you are completly disgussted, and about to puke in your mouth, I better just close with don't think its cool to look like that. We don't go, oh look at the hottie in the sweats and UGGS. So, don't be silly, wrap ole willy.
You kidding ME
So I get a phone call the other day. A friend of mine needs a jump start, they just got back from the Military, and the car has been in storage out on the farm. So, beings the only one that was able to go help. I show up.
Walk all the way out to the shed, where the car is, and with a portable jumper, that obviosly hadn't been charged for a long time. So we walked all the way back to the other garage to find jumper cables.
On the search for cables, which none were found, and shocked me. I have never been on a farm where there are not jumpers on every wall or laying on the floor of every out building. But, theres a first for everything. We did, however, find a battery charger. BUT, the location and distance of where the car is, was way to long for a cord.
So someone, has the idea of lets push the car over there to charge it. I said, hell no, that's a half a mile. So, as I am pushing the front of the car and they are inside driving, titled good help, panting like a dog. Got er out of the door, and now the long drive to the other garage. So, I push, and push, down fresh gravel mind ya. Finally, after pushing the damn thing down the drive, mind ya without a chew, and can't hardly breath cause the drive was half a section of a cornfield.
I gathered my beans and hooked up the charger. So, now some jumper cables are enroute, and the question comes, DOES RED GO ON RED AND BLACK ON BLACK??
I about died laughing. Really? Did you miss that day of drivers ed? I knew you were special, but holy cow. Then the phone rings, and guess what. The cables are in the pickup, that is NOW, 5 feet from the new location of the CAR. God bless, soooooo. Unhooked the charger, hooked up the cable and zippy do dah. She started right up, puring like a kitten.
First off, if the car was in storage at your parents house, why didn't you have someone start it every so often? And really, we needed to push the car all the way over here to jump it? Some people, some people. Wait, maybe they had the keys with them in their pocket so nobody used the car,,,,,,,,nope, they were on the key hanger in the house the whole time. DAMN.
Well, lesson learned, match the colors, look, and always start the thing to keep it charged. So, don't be silly, wrap ole willy.
Walk all the way out to the shed, where the car is, and with a portable jumper, that obviosly hadn't been charged for a long time. So we walked all the way back to the other garage to find jumper cables.
On the search for cables, which none were found, and shocked me. I have never been on a farm where there are not jumpers on every wall or laying on the floor of every out building. But, theres a first for everything. We did, however, find a battery charger. BUT, the location and distance of where the car is, was way to long for a cord.
So someone, has the idea of lets push the car over there to charge it. I said, hell no, that's a half a mile. So, as I am pushing the front of the car and they are inside driving, titled good help, panting like a dog. Got er out of the door, and now the long drive to the other garage. So, I push, and push, down fresh gravel mind ya. Finally, after pushing the damn thing down the drive, mind ya without a chew, and can't hardly breath cause the drive was half a section of a cornfield.
I gathered my beans and hooked up the charger. So, now some jumper cables are enroute, and the question comes, DOES RED GO ON RED AND BLACK ON BLACK??
I about died laughing. Really? Did you miss that day of drivers ed? I knew you were special, but holy cow. Then the phone rings, and guess what. The cables are in the pickup, that is NOW, 5 feet from the new location of the CAR. God bless, soooooo. Unhooked the charger, hooked up the cable and zippy do dah. She started right up, puring like a kitten.
First off, if the car was in storage at your parents house, why didn't you have someone start it every so often? And really, we needed to push the car all the way over here to jump it? Some people, some people. Wait, maybe they had the keys with them in their pocket so nobody used the car,,,,,,,,nope, they were on the key hanger in the house the whole time. DAMN.
Well, lesson learned, match the colors, look, and always start the thing to keep it charged. So, don't be silly, wrap ole willy.
Kicked out
In my crazy life I have incountered alot of people. But the one that I almost forgot about today was a guy I use to work with. One day, we were taking off a sign and took the letters down to the junk yard for tin.
As I was rolling in, grinding gears, popping the clutch, looking like Sanford on Sanford and Son. I pulled in, asked if he would go check us in, and then came the story.
Well, I can't do it man. And why is that I asked. Cause, one time, I worked for a farmer, and he refused to give me my last check. So he was out of town, and I decided to go load up an old pickup out in the pasture, and take it in for cash. I didn't have the title, so I told them Bob was going to bring it in next week, and they took it.
Couple days later, the cops came over, and wanted to get me for stealing. But, the junk yard took the truck without the title so they were at fault too. I got my money, charges were dropped, and then I got kicked out of the junk yard for the rest of my life.
Really man? Kicked out of the junk yard? Yep, sure did man, I will wait right here in the street for you to dump and come back to get me.
Now, either one of two things have happen here. The first, obviously the screener who hires failed to screen. And second, you know how bad life is when you get kicked out of the junk yard? Come on, thems people were all of the same. I was shocked, and still laughing. You might be a redneck if you have ever been kicked out of the junk yard. Well, don't be silly, wrap your willy.
As I was rolling in, grinding gears, popping the clutch, looking like Sanford on Sanford and Son. I pulled in, asked if he would go check us in, and then came the story.
Well, I can't do it man. And why is that I asked. Cause, one time, I worked for a farmer, and he refused to give me my last check. So he was out of town, and I decided to go load up an old pickup out in the pasture, and take it in for cash. I didn't have the title, so I told them Bob was going to bring it in next week, and they took it.
Couple days later, the cops came over, and wanted to get me for stealing. But, the junk yard took the truck without the title so they were at fault too. I got my money, charges were dropped, and then I got kicked out of the junk yard for the rest of my life.
Really man? Kicked out of the junk yard? Yep, sure did man, I will wait right here in the street for you to dump and come back to get me.
Now, either one of two things have happen here. The first, obviously the screener who hires failed to screen. And second, you know how bad life is when you get kicked out of the junk yard? Come on, thems people were all of the same. I was shocked, and still laughing. You might be a redneck if you have ever been kicked out of the junk yard. Well, don't be silly, wrap your willy.
Craigslist
Damn, I been paying all this money to these dating sites and I could have gone on Cragislist for free. Who knew? Nothing beats a free post, ya know.
Not only that you can go anywhere, and meet up with local singles, and have a night. I just can't believe it. I mean, I had no idea. That craigslist killer dude, I thought he was going out and saying he was buying stuff. NOPE, he was the first to lead.
But on the other hand, you can get a woman, who is longer than you. Who talks deeper than you, who dresses fancier than you, and who will make you remember where you got it!!!
So that part is kind of scary. I mean, to me, just a little sawed off fat guy, okay, maybe it is not such a good idea. People will know when I am walking around bull legged and can't sit down. But there is just something about seeing a chick with an adams apple that just really isnt all that special, even if it is a free add. So I better not post.
See, it never hurts to kick the cat to see if it flies before you do something. You have to grab both ends of the rope to see if you can get it to balance out. I tried that once, and pulled myself over. I won and lost the tug of war.
I guess if you are that hard up for a date, go on the Bachlor, hell, let the whole nation know you are wierd and can't find a date so you want to expose yourself so everyone will know you. WTH.
Well, first it was a date, now its late, and don't be silly, wrap your willy.
Not only that you can go anywhere, and meet up with local singles, and have a night. I just can't believe it. I mean, I had no idea. That craigslist killer dude, I thought he was going out and saying he was buying stuff. NOPE, he was the first to lead.
But on the other hand, you can get a woman, who is longer than you. Who talks deeper than you, who dresses fancier than you, and who will make you remember where you got it!!!
So that part is kind of scary. I mean, to me, just a little sawed off fat guy, okay, maybe it is not such a good idea. People will know when I am walking around bull legged and can't sit down. But there is just something about seeing a chick with an adams apple that just really isnt all that special, even if it is a free add. So I better not post.
See, it never hurts to kick the cat to see if it flies before you do something. You have to grab both ends of the rope to see if you can get it to balance out. I tried that once, and pulled myself over. I won and lost the tug of war.
I guess if you are that hard up for a date, go on the Bachlor, hell, let the whole nation know you are wierd and can't find a date so you want to expose yourself so everyone will know you. WTH.
Well, first it was a date, now its late, and don't be silly, wrap your willy.
The HOLD UP
Well, after all this Christmas commotion, notice, there is CHRIST, I have taken a couple weeks off due to the lack of energy of walking my fat ass up a couple steps to hit a stage. I have been able to sit down, go figure, though, I have not kept the blog going like I should of.
So, I guess, now is the time. So we start out new year off, and man, people are dropping like flies that got hit with DEET. We have lost 4 people in the community that have touched so many people.
I guess that Assterdamous dude might be right. When I watched any movies about the ending of peoples, we all started kind of just passing over. So, my wish, like I will be on the first to go list, is that you burn my body to ashes, and take me down to the pond. I want to come back and be able to fish, or as a fish. If I came back as a fish, I would know how Dolly Parton feels drinking water with them big lips.
Then, when I do come back as a fish, I will let you all know what kind of lure to use to make up bite. And the royalities, well, we can figure that out later. That would be kind of cool. I don't wanna be no minnow, I don't want to go through another fish and become fish poop, but a big fish in the pond.
I have no idea where I am going with this, but, it just makes sense to me. And what really does it matter when I am the last to leave? Whos going to be there to insure all this happens? Well, just in case, take care of me. And don't be silly wrap your willy.
So, I guess, now is the time. So we start out new year off, and man, people are dropping like flies that got hit with DEET. We have lost 4 people in the community that have touched so many people.
I guess that Assterdamous dude might be right. When I watched any movies about the ending of peoples, we all started kind of just passing over. So, my wish, like I will be on the first to go list, is that you burn my body to ashes, and take me down to the pond. I want to come back and be able to fish, or as a fish. If I came back as a fish, I would know how Dolly Parton feels drinking water with them big lips.
Then, when I do come back as a fish, I will let you all know what kind of lure to use to make up bite. And the royalities, well, we can figure that out later. That would be kind of cool. I don't wanna be no minnow, I don't want to go through another fish and become fish poop, but a big fish in the pond.
I have no idea where I am going with this, but, it just makes sense to me. And what really does it matter when I am the last to leave? Whos going to be there to insure all this happens? Well, just in case, take care of me. And don't be silly wrap your willy.
Bancroft Nebraska
So, recently, I got me a stand up in Bancroft Nebraska. Funny thing, its a post prom event, and there is no jail up there, sounds like I have it made. But, anyways, the party will go.
When I asked about the school and town and things. I was shocked. The superintendent of the school, is also the football coach, basketball coach, head mentor, blah blah blah. I was like holy cow, that's like Arkansas where someone has many different titles, Aunt, sister, cousin, mom. And why was that the first thing to chime in my head?
Well, when you live in a small community, sometimes people have to step up to earn their pay. I guess they have there, I am shocked. And to be the school where everyone is involved in the hierarchy of the education structure,,,,,,I have no idea where I just pulled that out of but roll with it,,,,,,is pretty cool to show these kids no matter who you are, it will not hurt to step down off the platform and help out.
Now, that I just shocked myself with a couple big words, and my head is spinning like a marry go round, I better wrap er up. Don't be silly wrap your willy.
When I asked about the school and town and things. I was shocked. The superintendent of the school, is also the football coach, basketball coach, head mentor, blah blah blah. I was like holy cow, that's like Arkansas where someone has many different titles, Aunt, sister, cousin, mom. And why was that the first thing to chime in my head?
Well, when you live in a small community, sometimes people have to step up to earn their pay. I guess they have there, I am shocked. And to be the school where everyone is involved in the hierarchy of the education structure,,,,,,I have no idea where I just pulled that out of but roll with it,,,,,,is pretty cool to show these kids no matter who you are, it will not hurt to step down off the platform and help out.
Now, that I just shocked myself with a couple big words, and my head is spinning like a marry go round, I better wrap er up. Don't be silly wrap your willy.
Oreos
Often times, you hear people say there is no wrong way to eat an oreo. I call bologna. WOW, thanks Oscar Meyer for helping me spell BOLOGNA. But, anyways, you can dunk them, crunch them, spread them all over your teeth to gross people out. No matter what, you are actually eating them.
Now, the person that breaks them apart and then licks off all the frosting then eats the cookie part? Comeon, are you the person that drags their finger across a birthday cake to try the icing before the cake? Go to a wedding and steal all the frosted pretties on the cake before the bride wears it all over her face?
What good is the frosting without the cookie? Just go to the damn store and buy a tub of frosting and dig in, save the real cookies for me and Mr. Roberts milk. I mean, nothing is better than a milk soaked cookie, with double stuff anytime of day.
Don't be silly, wrap your willy. I don't know where that came from, but I typed it.
I should of believed. Like I do in the OREO GOD!!!!
Now, the person that breaks them apart and then licks off all the frosting then eats the cookie part? Comeon, are you the person that drags their finger across a birthday cake to try the icing before the cake? Go to a wedding and steal all the frosted pretties on the cake before the bride wears it all over her face?
What good is the frosting without the cookie? Just go to the damn store and buy a tub of frosting and dig in, save the real cookies for me and Mr. Roberts milk. I mean, nothing is better than a milk soaked cookie, with double stuff anytime of day.
Don't be silly, wrap your willy. I don't know where that came from, but I typed it.
I should of believed. Like I do in the OREO GOD!!!!
Okay Kids
I have some smart ideas for and some things to think about for teens today. But first and foremost, lets just thank them for being them.
The future of America is in your hands, when you make it up to be someone that you have always strived to be. Stop and think. Make sure you have enough votes to win office, make sure you don't declare war and send young people of there to take care of it when your old butt is the one who wanted it. I mean, if we sent you over there at age 50, I am sure you could talk the war progress down.
If you are going to decide to start a war, especially over gas prices. Why would you send over thousands of troops and no vehicles? Come on, take the gas, thats what your fighting for anyways. Don't let us down.
Never believe an old lady with no wrinkles is naturally beautiful. I mean comeon, botox, internal jello, and silicone are all on the rise. That is why we have so many women think they are barbies, but they arent really. Barbie has no holes. HINT HINT
Always listen to your parents. Ya, you may think they are drunk and stupid when telling you things, but when you hit the ripe age of 21 or 22, you will know, we are information GODS.
So, when you think about going into the future, stop, think, with the upper head, its no much of a bad place, it just has eggheads leading it. So, don't be an egghead, and surely don't find yourself with a patch on your eye in a roadside ditch.
The future of America is in your hands, when you make it up to be someone that you have always strived to be. Stop and think. Make sure you have enough votes to win office, make sure you don't declare war and send young people of there to take care of it when your old butt is the one who wanted it. I mean, if we sent you over there at age 50, I am sure you could talk the war progress down.
If you are going to decide to start a war, especially over gas prices. Why would you send over thousands of troops and no vehicles? Come on, take the gas, thats what your fighting for anyways. Don't let us down.
Never believe an old lady with no wrinkles is naturally beautiful. I mean comeon, botox, internal jello, and silicone are all on the rise. That is why we have so many women think they are barbies, but they arent really. Barbie has no holes. HINT HINT
Always listen to your parents. Ya, you may think they are drunk and stupid when telling you things, but when you hit the ripe age of 21 or 22, you will know, we are information GODS.
So, when you think about going into the future, stop, think, with the upper head, its no much of a bad place, it just has eggheads leading it. So, don't be an egghead, and surely don't find yourself with a patch on your eye in a roadside ditch.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Angle of Life
Sometimes in life you just have to let things go. You can't just let them boil up until you go crazy. So,,,,,in my terms.
Life is just like a fart. You can't keep it in, cause it will cause you pain, and not feel good. So, if you just let it go, not only do you feel better, but depending on the release, it is alot cheaper than paying a shrink.. So, just remember, life is just like a fart, and there is always going to be a pain in the ass somewhere waiting to get you.
Another thing I have learned about life. You can loan friends or neighbors money, and that is end of seeing it. So,,,,,in my terms.
Money is just like weed. When you have it, everyone wants it. When you don't have it, nobody wants to share it with you. And when you finally do give in and share, it all goes up in smoke.
So if you take the good, and take the bad, you pretty much stop and think of how the little things in life are funny, or known to me in my world. There is nothing wrong with being a redneck, we always look at things from a different angle, and that angle is usually the one that makes since to everyone else.
Life is just like a fart. You can't keep it in, cause it will cause you pain, and not feel good. So, if you just let it go, not only do you feel better, but depending on the release, it is alot cheaper than paying a shrink.. So, just remember, life is just like a fart, and there is always going to be a pain in the ass somewhere waiting to get you.
Another thing I have learned about life. You can loan friends or neighbors money, and that is end of seeing it. So,,,,,in my terms.
Money is just like weed. When you have it, everyone wants it. When you don't have it, nobody wants to share it with you. And when you finally do give in and share, it all goes up in smoke.
So if you take the good, and take the bad, you pretty much stop and think of how the little things in life are funny, or known to me in my world. There is nothing wrong with being a redneck, we always look at things from a different angle, and that angle is usually the one that makes since to everyone else.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Bermuda Triangle
Some of life's greatest adventures can be caused by the Bermuda triangle. We, as men, know this all too well. So, hold my beer and read and watch this.........
We know women, and as men, women bitch about us all the time. We are so simple minded, Jesus if we don't have food, give us sex. Easiest instruction manual you'll ever need. My God, even smart phones come without instruction books now days and you figure them out, so how can you not understand us?
It is so simple, once ya give us sex, we are hooked, like a catfish on a treble hook. We are locked in like like a Guy with no arms in his house. So, this little 3 letter word is the Bermuda triangle to us. You know, once ya go in, your not getting out. And if you do somehow find an exit, we loose our ass on the way out. So, just stop and think, or better yet, toss us a sandwich then give us sex, and we are straight in the zone of no return. And I have no idea why we guys will work so hard to get trapped, but come on guys, be tough, stand strong, this is the last opportunity you will ever have.
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Christmas Time
The greatest thing about this holiday season is the candycanes, and I get to see who in my family really cooks. I mean, back south, when I lived there, KFC was open, and a bucket of chicken was the replacement for the ham. Maybe chicken is easier to chew with no teeth?
But nothing is better than the days when pops went out and knocked the head off a chicken, brought it inside and grandma cooked it up. Like that darn rooster they use to have. That thing was so mean it use to chase me all around the yard, trying to peck my eye out. I use to have to carry a stick just to collect eggs, he would have made a great REPO Chicken, that big mean thing could get anything from anyone.
But one day, gramps said that he died and granny made chicken noodle soup, and I ate that little bastard until I couldn't eat no more. HA! I got the last laugh!
But anyways, back onto Christmas, if my family got together and one person didn't start the annual farting contest, or seeing what kind of noisy toy they could send the cousins home with, it would be pretty darn good. But, here we go, packing the bags like Juan Valdez and some coffee, taking off, headed south, all going to pile into Grannys 1 bedroom house for a whole afternoon, and sit around, eat, fart, watch some football, and then have the dogs do dishes.
Christmas just don't get any better in my world.
But nothing is better than the days when pops went out and knocked the head off a chicken, brought it inside and grandma cooked it up. Like that darn rooster they use to have. That thing was so mean it use to chase me all around the yard, trying to peck my eye out. I use to have to carry a stick just to collect eggs, he would have made a great REPO Chicken, that big mean thing could get anything from anyone.
But one day, gramps said that he died and granny made chicken noodle soup, and I ate that little bastard until I couldn't eat no more. HA! I got the last laugh!
But anyways, back onto Christmas, if my family got together and one person didn't start the annual farting contest, or seeing what kind of noisy toy they could send the cousins home with, it would be pretty darn good. But, here we go, packing the bags like Juan Valdez and some coffee, taking off, headed south, all going to pile into Grannys 1 bedroom house for a whole afternoon, and sit around, eat, fart, watch some football, and then have the dogs do dishes.
Christmas just don't get any better in my world.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Gangsta
Dude, if your mama drops you off and picks you up from school, you are not a gangster. I don't mean to rain on your parade, but never in my lifetime have my pockets extended past my butt.
And the only time you ever seen a guys boxers, was when the class bully pulled them up past the back of his head.
And mama and pops, your at fault for letting these kids dress with their pants down on the ground, and undies way up their backs. My kids don't do that. Shoe some class, not ass.
And the hot chicks like dudes in them tight butted jeans with the wrangler patch on em, last time I checked wrangler didn't make a patch that could be drug on the ground all day.
So step up, pull up, and spare us the laugh at your underoos. Its class buddy, order some!!!!
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Saturday, December 10, 2011
Materialistic
I have noticed in my redneck growing up that some women just can't figure out what cards where handed to them and don't know how to play them. Them are the kind of Texas Hold'em players you want to make some money off. For instance.
In todays world you can buy alot of things, lips, boobs, butts, tummy tucks, more hair, eyebrows, and the non-shave upper lips. Now com'on man, we all know when you got some plastic in ya. Its them summer days when you go outside and that plastic gets warm and droopy that is the tale tale sign. Just be your yourself, or can't ya deal with the cards that were dealt to you? This is the kind of girl that use to cheat at UNO so she would win cause she thinks she's all that and a pack of oreos.
And then to take all this plastic extras you paid a Dr. for and open your own shop so everyone can come in and you get your STARDOM FACTOR to cheer you up, and you still have that crappy attitude of I'm better than you because I'm about $12,000 in debt with my ass. I just don't understand.
Back in woods country of America, there are chicks without teeth, wirey hair, one arm, no boobs, hairlips, and whatever else that are happy and genuine. So what ever makes you to go Social on the ole Facebook, and make yourself something your not, is like slapping your own face in the public.
If ya can't face the reality of life, and deal with what you got, all I ask is don't drink out of a bottle with them fish lips, you look like a carp sucking for bugs, and them skinny jeans, they are okay, guys like me like butts, but holy smokes, remove the tag off that cheek you bought.
In todays world you can buy alot of things, lips, boobs, butts, tummy tucks, more hair, eyebrows, and the non-shave upper lips. Now com'on man, we all know when you got some plastic in ya. Its them summer days when you go outside and that plastic gets warm and droopy that is the tale tale sign. Just be your yourself, or can't ya deal with the cards that were dealt to you? This is the kind of girl that use to cheat at UNO so she would win cause she thinks she's all that and a pack of oreos.
And then to take all this plastic extras you paid a Dr. for and open your own shop so everyone can come in and you get your STARDOM FACTOR to cheer you up, and you still have that crappy attitude of I'm better than you because I'm about $12,000 in debt with my ass. I just don't understand.
Back in woods country of America, there are chicks without teeth, wirey hair, one arm, no boobs, hairlips, and whatever else that are happy and genuine. So what ever makes you to go Social on the ole Facebook, and make yourself something your not, is like slapping your own face in the public.
If ya can't face the reality of life, and deal with what you got, all I ask is don't drink out of a bottle with them fish lips, you look like a carp sucking for bugs, and them skinny jeans, they are okay, guys like me like butts, but holy smokes, remove the tag off that cheek you bought.
Friday, December 9, 2011
Sam and Louie's
To much of my learnings, I have found that when 2 cowboys are out in the fields over 30 days that the sheep become nervous. But to stop, and take a new idea and run is going to make you end at a Sam and Louies. Not only can you get yourself an ice cold beer but an awesome taste of Italy where the booths are big and the service is with a smile. So I went in, and yep, beer was cold, and the menu was Italian. WOWZA!! I don't know no Sam from Italy, but that dude must be the brewmaster and knows how to set the temp on the keg cooler.
Now for Louie, many are often confusing him for being a dude from the south,,,,,with a tan..... NOT in this case, he is more like Luigi in that smash the bricks game on the Nintendo. But I know that dude can make a calzone that would talk dirty to you on a sober day. It had more taste than a old folks home has ever been introduced to.
So you take the two, shake them up and then all of a sudden you have a kick butt place to grab some grub, or a calzone, and sip on an ice cold beer. Talk about having your piece of a pizza served to you on a silver platter and lifted up off the table beer high, that took some talent. From the days of sitting on the tailgate, sipping some warm beer, and slidding a box back and forth, they are now history and just memories.
Thanks Sam and Louie, who the hell ever you are and where you reside, but dudes', the beer is chill and pizza is as hot as a $2 hooker on the Vegas Strip. Stop in and take my challenge!!!
Now for Louie, many are often confusing him for being a dude from the south,,,,,with a tan..... NOT in this case, he is more like Luigi in that smash the bricks game on the Nintendo. But I know that dude can make a calzone that would talk dirty to you on a sober day. It had more taste than a old folks home has ever been introduced to.
So you take the two, shake them up and then all of a sudden you have a kick butt place to grab some grub, or a calzone, and sip on an ice cold beer. Talk about having your piece of a pizza served to you on a silver platter and lifted up off the table beer high, that took some talent. From the days of sitting on the tailgate, sipping some warm beer, and slidding a box back and forth, they are now history and just memories.
Thanks Sam and Louie, who the hell ever you are and where you reside, but dudes', the beer is chill and pizza is as hot as a $2 hooker on the Vegas Strip. Stop in and take my challenge!!!
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