Lady Gaga

Oh to be young again. But comeon, what is up with all the bling bling on her head? She says that Madonna stole her ideas, last I checked Material Virgin was along before Gaga was out of diapers. But, anywho.
I have to admit, I like her songs, well some. It just pisses me off that she left me in Nebraska. Little does she know. I guess all is well, I don't want to go out dressed at my Redneck self and having her in a Halloween Costume. What is up with all that?? I'm scared it may get glitter on my babyface.
Gaga made 90 million dollars last year, and Madonna paid it out in her divorce. But man, I guess my love for Madonna came when she posed almost naked in her book, and I was in the Gulf. KAPOW. YEP, great seeing her after seeing all those women with towels on their heads.
And that's another issue. I am so glad I am not Muslim, how do you find a date or wife when she is always covered up? That's like buying a car on eBay and not seeing a picture of what your getting but then your just stuck with the ride. Ha, ride.
But, anywho, back to the first track, rest my ADD, Gaga, if you are going to sing a song about not leaving Nebraska without someone, get a grip chick, respect your elders. I honestly believe, one day in my shoes, she would then be barefoot for the rest of her life. I could scare the hell out of the world and make them look at things just a tad bit different. Another plus would be think of the AWESOME material she would give me for shows.
Like, I dated Lady Gaga for a day, I was tired of looking like the Flinstones going out for dinner with all her head material rising out the top of the car. But, it is what it is, so don't be silly, wrap ole willy.

Greatest Impressions

One rule to life I have learned, you never get a second chance to make a first impression. Humm, that kinda makes sense when I type it out. All be damn. Guess you don't get a third to make a second either. Ahhh, anywho.
I'm the type of guy that likes to wipe his nose, or pick it before shaking hands, just to get a reaction. That kind of stuff just kills me. Like going into Burger King, ordering food with a mouth full of pop rocks talking like I'm on acid or something. Real slow, making them rocks play music in my mouth.
Nothing is better than meeting someone for the first time, and they say, what do you do? I'm a comedian, the look on their face is priceless. No, your real job, ummm, I am a funny guy that takes the stage, cracks jokes, writes funnies. Always, always, get the response of OH. My god, we live in Grand Island Nebraska, everyone is a comedian, like you haven't meet a real one before. You live in a shell with duct tape over the opening?
But, I have finally conquered all. I meet a couple kids last night, who knew I was a stand up, and bless his heart, he says to his mom, "Does he have alot of money? He is kind of a redneck?" FINALLY I did it. Then she told him I go by Redneck Me. Hummm, it all made sense to him. But, the money part. LOL. I'm so glad a kid finally put 2 and 2 together to figure me out. Kinda scary, my parents still don't have me figured out after all these 29 years.
The greatest moments to keep and make memories come from kids. Bless their hearts. So, you should know the routine, don't be silly, wrap ole willy.

Crap Nebraskans Say

Beings I am just me, and say alot of crazy things, I am going to shoot a you tube of this blog to take it live, but with ADD so bad my pictures in a math book, if I can remember them, I have the battle WON.
So, here we go Corn Chuckers!!!!!

Hold my beer and watch this shit!!!!
That darn coach better find a job.
Don't Huck the Fuskers.
Wanna go get a dog?
Who gonna be there? Ya?
Gotta work cows.
Can ya come help preg check tomorrow?
Got's a new truck? Bad ass.
Mind if I take your ex on a date? She's the only skinny one left.
What ya doin? Wanna go shoot shit?
Gettin all excited for the fair, got some good shows this year.
I'm gonna snatch you bald headed.
Hows it feel to be shoulder deep in a cows ass?
Damn, member her in grade skool?
Can I get a dip from ya man?
Ah, she smokes, nothing like putting your tongue in an ashtray.
Well, he knocked her up, poor bastard.
Johnson's are getting a divorce, ya, she's a sleeper arounder.
Color tractor you got?
Get any? Always refers to hunting first. Fishing second, women third.
Tighter than a bulls nuts one out from the kill floor.
A cowboy hat is a damn ball cap with a circular brim.
You see that? Yup, did you?
Boy, if I had a swing like that I would mount it on my front porch.
She smells purdy.
You did what with analog phones?
Can I borrow your bag phone?
What's your yield this year?
This kinda stuff is slang to us around these parts. Them damn city kids need to get out and work one time to figure out what life is all about. Damn hoodlooms. We are always there when ya need us, and will do anything for a buddy. Up in the hills, wellllllll, we will leave that alone.
I love my Nebraska, and who we are, we may say some goofy crap, but we can all track and we just really don't care. Anywho, don't be silly wrap ole willy.

IRETON IOWA

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Bad Job

Everyone of us in this Obama society knows how to work, and some of us have bad jobs due to loosing good jobs, because of the repercussions of electing a bad president, which was good to finally be able to label a non-Christian in government housing. aka the White House Projects.
So, when I think of some of these bad jobs, only really one can come to mind. Could you imagine what a suicide bomber instructor position qualifications are? What would be the final project? You wouldn't know if you got an A or B in the class. But, I bet, you would hear, okay class, you better watch this crap the first time, pay attention, don't get to close. KAPOW.
So, when I wanted to get more on the subject, I called into the suicide prevention line, and guess what? They put me on hold. Now come'on man, really? You need help, just about to do it, call to get help and they put you on hold? So, I grabbed my pistol, went outside, and when she came back on and said, sorry about the wait, I am here, I yelled, YOUR TO LATE, popped off the pistol, dropped the phone. Since, I have called back 20 times, and never once was I put on hold. So, I think I got the program fixed, in my sick twisted ways, and thank you Obama for all the screwy help you have provided.
So, think of a bad job, take a crazy job, but make a difference in this world. And don't be silly, wrap ole willy.

Speech

Have you ever noticed, that once you decide to talk to foreigner, we change the way we "hook on phonics" in hopes they understand? Its like baby talk to a Mexican. That person is just sitting there thinking, WTF are they on? Well it's human nature.
Maybe not really human nature, as much as governments decision to open the borders. We bring in all these towel heads from the middle east, then we all complain how much towels and washcloths are. Well, all be quida, its a supply vs demand deal going on here. It don't take a darn rocky scientist to figure this out.
It the same reason, when cant flush baby diapers, well maybe, nah, heck, whatever.
But just the other day, I was talking to a hair lip kid, and all be damn, by the time I was done I were tawking like I had one twoo. So I started singing BLAH BLAH BLAH, and the Star Spangled Banner. Now that was a twist. It was harder than wrestling a cow ass first in a loading chute. Harder than trying to hide you take viagra from a pill popper, harder than carrot top to get his hair to stay down. Now that's hard.
But, now that my ADD has kicked in, and I am going to hell on a highway, instead of a stairway to heaven, I better wrap er up. Don't be silly, wrap ole willy.

Lativa

I'm not to sure where or what exactly this place is as far as a map or bottle. But, to my understanding from my stats, I have followers there. Which mean,,,,

I need a larger globe with an index on the bottom. Cause nothing else worth anything is on the bottom of the globe. Shocking, but sorry penguins.

And if this joint is warm, and has beaches, I am thinking,,,show time. Especially nude ones. I'm sure they need some chubby redneck walking around with a white stiffy for entertainment.

But, who would name a country so close to a little cup of sour cream that makes your bowels regular? Amazing. I am thinking of doing a medicine tour. Gonna stop off at Ibuprofen, Tylenol, Midol, and Ex Lax. So, not only can I get be bitchy with the shits, but my head won't hurt.

So, until I decide to figure out where this little place, and live the dream of finding a needle in a haystack, I guess, I will just have to wonder. But don't think this place is going to be on bucket list status. Unless, there's a nude beach. Then we can swap lists.

Just my luck, they will be purple people with tribal scars on their forehead, and if I wanted to pay to see that, I would just put a gallon of gas in the car and head on down to my Walmart. So, until then, don't be silly, wrap ole willy.

Political Understanding

Nothing beats a political mess. Nobody to vote for, nobody running that knows math. Nothing like having grown men argue about how they can fix the world when they can't even zip their fly up. What is going on with this world?
I'm not much of a political dude myself. I know we gots a President that is out of his mind half the time, and on vacation the other half. But when it came time for the Iowa Caucuses I decided to ask some peeps if they wanted to go. So, I asked a pretty ole girl if she wanted to go, and her reply, NO, I DON'T WANT SEX TONIGHT. So, obviously, she knows Anthony Weiner.
I was going to ask another, but then it dawned on me. Caucuses, and sex, genius. Who would have thought other than ole Rednecks. That's my kind of logic, but no is not an answer. But the more you think about it. No matter who wins we are going to end up getting screwed somehow, someway. And them poor goofballs don't even kiss us first. What is up with that?
Well, if you don't vote, and stay home, to enjoy some sex, don't be silly and wrap ole willy.

Speed Bumps

So when you see a dude with a pick up, or a single dude with a lifted truck, you will now know WHY. After driving all over this round world, although I have never seen a curve, I still think Christopher Columbus fell off the side of the square. But anywho.
There was a single guy who had a F-150 and put a 6 inch lift on it. This dude also worked for the city parks department, and he couldn't get a date for nothing. So one day, at lunch, or break, he decided to spill some ashphalt on the drive down at the park. In doing this, he became the speed bump king. Not only did he slow traffic down. But this dude was SMART!!!
He gave us Rednecks a reason to pick up a chick and drive through the parks. Not only does it slow you down. But in a 4 x 4 vehicle, it is a boobie shaker. So, if your girl wants to cover the puppies up and hide them and you need a good tester outer, just to see what kind of bouncy they are packing, off to the park. This was mans best invention.
So, then you ask, what about rumble bars on the interstate? Well, those are trucker butthole ticklers. Them truckers are all alone, just them and the open road, cruising down, delivering whatever is in their trailer. So, ya, they need some excitement too. If you ever follow a truck, you will know how often they hit them. Maybe it is good for hemroids, I don't know. But anywho,,,,,,
My Mr. Speed Bump maker, you are a class act. But driving in that park, don't be silly, wrap ole willy.

Excitement

So, tonight, as I was doing my bi-hourly facebooking. Cause I'm a facebook ho. I ran across a post that said, I wish I knew what all the cops were doing down the street. Everything is taped off, and that's the same house the murder sucicide was.
I mean comeon, why wouldn't you have a chair, beer, and be sitting back watching what is happening? I would be, maybe with Jimmy Johns already called. Gee, that kind of excitment don't come here very often.
Surely you have watched enough CSI to just grab a briefcase, and roll on it under the tape. Nobody asks questions when you have a briefcase for some reason. Get the load down man.
The closest thing we have around here is when immigration comes in and loads up a couple buses and tells them that they will stop by Taco Bell before they cross the Mexican boarder. That is just crazy, and yes, I am planted down there, doing updates. Now we have a significant event down the street from a peep and he decides to leave us hanging?
I bet ya if someone stole some of his VW parts down there in Okalahoma the whole state and those surrounding would have the info on what to look for. But, no parts involved. This is just like telling a kid to just go inside a candy store and look around and they can't have anything. Damn, Fish buddy, I live in Nebraska, where we don't have skinny people cause we are cornbread fed. If the I know what I am doing cause I watch CSI on TV line don't get you in. Just flash them a VW part and yell NYPD. They do that on TV too. Surely them two lines will give us the money.
Well, if something cool happens in your neighborhood, don't just tickle your peeps. And for real, don't be silly and wrap your willy.

The UFO

Well, until now, my parents never did figure out what happen to the car when they were on vacation. But, I guess the damage is done, and the car is now considered an antique, so I better release it.
My mom won a new pink Mary Kay car, and this was the first of the front wheel drive vehicles. The ole Buick Century. Pepto pink, man, not my color, but the only car in the garage at the time. I was 16 and parents were out of town on a trip, and ya, enough said, they left the keys.
So, started up the pill, and went for a drive. Stopped by to show my buddies a front wheel drive car, and being boys, we went out to see what it could do. And off we went, to the open field a couple blocks away. Slapped her down into OD, and stomped on it to see if it would do a cookie. OBVIOUSLY NOT IN DRIVE!!! But, heck at 16 we didn't know you had to be in reverse to do one. And straight it went, right over a big block of concrete, way up on the side of the damn car, and bam, right back high centered on the damn rock.
SO now, about pissing my pants from about flipping the pepto pill. There were 4 of us that that about ripped all our groins out to lift this thing up so the wheels would hit to drive off the rock. We got er did though. And straight home I went. Parked her in the garage like nothing happen. Until the next day. I was thinking, man, had to goof something up.
So, out to the garage I went, opened the passenger door, and HOLY SHIT, the floorboard was all the way up to the glovebox. I'm only 16 mind ya, but I know that is WRONG. So, the only thing I can find in the garage big enough to pound the thing back down to sea level would be an axe. YEP, so I did it. Sounded like a body shop at a nascar event in our garage for an hour or two. But it went down, minus a couple bumps.
So, off I went to the body shop dude from my dads workplace to get some friendly suggestions. And beings he was older and smarter, he said, OH MAN, I AM STAYING OUT OF THIS ONE. But if I were you, I would try to pull that quaterpanel back down on the back end. So, I left, went home, called a couple friends to help do an Extreme Car Makeover before they came back. I got it all done, except for the pulling the whole tailpipe back down from the floorboard. And when asked, I had no idea, like every other teenage boy.
The thing I learned, when on Vacation, keys go with. And now days, a hidden camera would be a good idea also. But, for 22 years, it was the UFO that came in and hit mom's car parked in the garage. Well, the secrets out. So, don't be silly wrap your willy.

Dakota Karns

To flip this blog totally upside down. I know most come for a good funny, see what kind of material I am going to have on the road, to see what kind of crazy things I am thinking. So, to shock the word, and put everything aside, I am going to show another side of me that not very many understand, or have got to know. So, here we go.
I had a special buddy of mine that lived across the street from my parents. The kids name was Dakota Karns. He had wonderful parents, and a wonderful family. Not only did he touch everyone he came in contact with, he left a lasting place in their heart, where they would never forget him. He was just a little dude, living in this big world. Never went a day without a smile, and NEVER seen anyone without a hug.
Dakota was a special kid, he had Down's Syndrome, but he never let it pull him down. He took the bad and made it good. One thing my little buddy loved was fireworks. The bigger, louder, cooler, the better. I made my own boomers, and he loved it, and always wanted more. If I could of legally got a stick of dynomite to light off, to watch him jump and scream I would have done it for him. My kids loved watching him get all excited, and it spread to them.
He loved sports, and played them. I remember in baseball, he would tee the ball up, give it a crack and down he went, foul ball, fair ball, didn't matter, he was kicking up dirt. All the other kids, no matter if they knew him or not, never got him out. They would throw the ball, and drop it, whatever it took to get him safe. He could have made the major league, maybe drafted to the Royals so someone would end up on base.
This kid touched me in a way that nobody ever has. He taught me that the world loves to smile, laugh, and have a good time. And that really, no matter how people act, they do have a supportive side. So, after being contacted to start a blog, and then being contacted to hit the road with stand up comedy by friends, I thought about it long and hard. There are a couple people in the world that don't want me to succeed, and that's why they are called ex's.
After thinking, and getting a glimpse in my mind of my special friend, I decided, not only is it worth it to me, it is worth it for the world. I owe people a good hour or two of laughs, good times, to just escape this reality we call life. So, I thank Chris Unrue, and Eric Rose for pushing me, and getting me going on a start, but I think Dakota for inspiring me that anything is possible, no matter what your abilities are.
So, in the next few weeks, I will be working with Dakota's family to set up something to remember this special kid that stole 40,000 hearts in a 50,000 people town. I owe my buddy to take his message, and inspiration with me, to pass it on, and help others that were like him to better their lives from a heart that was so big it finally gave up after 14 years of work. Way to young to leave the world, but did this kid every leave behind something worth sharing.
So in sharing that I do have a heart in his blog, I challenge everyone that takes the time to read this, to stop, think about what you can do to help a special needs child, and I will bet you that they steal your heart too. No matter how big I get, and where God takes me in my adventure, I will not forget the people that made me who I am.
So, take a moment, and think how can a kid at age 14 do more for people that millions have in their whole life? This kid was something else. Thanks for the memories, the laughs, the good oooohhhh and aaaahhhhhs, jumps, times I thought you pee'd your pants with the big booms. I loved you kid, and his family, I look up to you and am here to help. Dakota will have extra time in my shows to spread his message, to tell people how touching this kid was in my life, and how I am inspired to keep going, keep digging to move up, and make dreams come true.

Sudden URGE

Do you ever get the sudden urge to just run up behing someone and slap the back of their head?
The urge to depants someone in Walmart?
The urge to go in the bathroom and make all kinds of moaning noises where they can hear it outside?
The urge to tie some fishing line across the hike and bike trail?
The urge to throw a blow up doll of an overpass?
The urge to put a brick behind the neighbors tire?
The urge to prank call a diner your at just to hear them announce for Eilleen Ulich?
The urge to yell rape during the church sermon?
The urge to just stand up, throw popcorn everywhere, and your soda at the movies yelling I can't take no more?
The urge to call school and ask if your kid made it when they don't even go there?
The urge to get the urge to do the urge is harder than to hold the urge back. I have no idea what that means, but it looks cool. I just sometimes come up with the urges to just do the damnest things, heck, the world ends this year according to Assterdamnist, so live the urges, step up, rip that towel off that dudes head just because you may not have the chance next year. But, don't forget, don't be silly, wrap ole willy.

Dress Code

Who in the hell made the dress code of big girl pants and UGGS? I mean comeon, you don't see me wearing big boy pants and combat boots. So what in the heck makes that so cool??
To break it down, big girl pants, aka sweatpants. You never see any female over 250 lbs wearing jeans, or a skirt. OH NO, its either sweatpants, or a dress all the way down to the ground mopping up ants. I could never understand the dress. But could you imagine, that would be alot of denium, and how many belt loops would be required?
In some ways, I am glad they go for the big girl pants. It makes me just want to run up and whip them down real quick. It is so hard to hold back the urge. But then I think of that golfball dimpled ass under them granny panties, or what if they had none on? OMG. After that thought, I will never ride on the electric cart at Walmart. Can you imagine what has dripped down off the seat?
Well, now that you are completly disgussted, and about to puke in your mouth, I better just close with don't think its cool to look like that. We don't go, oh look at the hottie in the sweats and UGGS. So, don't be silly, wrap ole willy.

You kidding ME

So I get a phone call the other day. A friend of mine needs a jump start, they just got back from the Military, and the car has been in storage out on the farm. So, beings the only one that was able to go help. I show up.
Walk all the way out to the shed, where the car is, and with a portable jumper, that obviosly hadn't been charged for a long time. So we walked all the way back to the other garage to find jumper cables.
On the search for cables, which none were found, and shocked me. I have never been on a farm where there are not jumpers on every wall or laying on the floor of every out building. But, theres a first for everything. We did, however, find a battery charger. BUT, the location and distance of where the car is, was way to long for a cord.
So someone, has the idea of lets push the car over there to charge it. I said, hell no, that's a half a mile. So, as I am pushing the front of the car and they are inside driving, titled good help, panting like a dog. Got er out of the door, and now the long drive to the other garage. So, I push, and push, down fresh gravel mind ya. Finally, after pushing the damn thing down the drive, mind ya without a chew, and can't hardly breath cause the drive was half a section of a cornfield.
I gathered my beans and hooked up the charger. So, now some jumper cables are enroute, and the question comes, DOES RED GO ON RED AND BLACK ON BLACK??
I about died laughing. Really? Did you miss that day of drivers ed? I knew you were special, but holy cow. Then the phone rings, and guess what. The cables are in the pickup, that is NOW, 5 feet from the new location of the CAR. God bless, soooooo. Unhooked the charger, hooked up the cable and zippy do dah. She started right up, puring like a kitten.
First off, if the car was in storage at your parents house, why didn't you have someone start it every so often? And really, we needed to push the car all the way over here to jump it? Some people, some people. Wait, maybe they had the keys with them in their pocket so nobody used the car,,,,,,,,nope, they were on the key hanger in the house the whole time. DAMN.
Well, lesson learned, match the colors, look, and always start the thing to keep it charged. So, don't be silly, wrap ole willy.

Kicked out

In my crazy life I have incountered alot of people. But the one that I almost forgot about today was a guy I use to work with. One day, we were taking off a sign and took the letters down to the junk yard for tin.
As I was rolling in, grinding gears, popping the clutch, looking like Sanford on Sanford and Son. I pulled in, asked if he would go check us in, and then came the story.
Well, I can't do it man. And why is that I asked. Cause, one time, I worked for a farmer, and he refused to give me my last check. So he was out of town, and I decided to go load up an old pickup out in the pasture, and take it in for cash. I didn't have the title, so I told them Bob was going to bring it in next week, and they took it.
Couple days later, the cops came over, and wanted to get me for stealing. But, the junk yard took the truck without the title so they were at fault too. I got my money, charges were dropped, and then I got kicked out of the junk yard for the rest of my life.
Really man? Kicked out of the junk yard? Yep, sure did man, I will wait right here in the street for you to dump and come back to get me.
Now, either one of two things have happen here. The first, obviously the screener who hires failed to screen. And second, you know how bad life is when you get kicked out of the junk yard? Come on, thems people were all of the same. I was shocked, and still laughing. You might be a redneck if you have ever been kicked out of the junk yard. Well, don't be silly, wrap your willy.

Craigslist

Damn, I been paying all this money to these dating sites and I could have gone on Cragislist for free. Who knew? Nothing beats a free post, ya know.
Not only that you can go anywhere, and meet up with local singles, and have a night. I just can't believe it. I mean, I had no idea. That craigslist killer dude, I thought he was going out and saying he was buying stuff. NOPE, he was the first to lead.
But on the other hand, you can get a woman, who is longer than you. Who talks deeper than you, who dresses fancier than you, and who will make you remember where you got it!!!
So that part is kind of scary. I mean, to me, just a little sawed off fat guy, okay, maybe it is not such a good idea. People will know when I am walking around bull legged and can't sit down. But there is just something about seeing a chick with an adams apple that just really isnt all that special, even if it is a free add. So I better not post.
See, it never hurts to kick the cat to see if it flies before you do something. You have to grab both ends of the rope to see if you can get it to balance out. I tried that once, and pulled myself over. I won and lost the tug of war.
I guess if you are that hard up for a date, go on the Bachlor, hell, let the whole nation know you are wierd and can't find a date so you want to expose yourself so everyone will know you. WTH.
Well, first it was a date, now its late, and don't be silly, wrap your willy.

The HOLD UP

Well, after all this Christmas commotion, notice, there is CHRIST, I have taken a couple weeks off due to the lack of energy of walking my fat ass up a couple steps to hit a stage. I have been able to sit down, go figure, though, I have not kept the blog going like I should of.
So, I guess, now is the time. So we start out new year off, and man, people are dropping like flies that got hit with DEET. We have lost 4 people in the community that have touched so many people.
I guess that Assterdamous dude might be right. When I watched any movies about the ending of peoples, we all started kind of just passing over. So, my wish, like I will be on the first to go list, is that you burn my body to ashes, and take me down to the pond. I want to come back and be able to fish, or as a fish. If I came back as a fish, I would know how Dolly Parton feels drinking water with them big lips.
Then, when I do come back as a fish, I will let you all know what kind of lure to use to make up bite. And the royalities, well, we can figure that out later. That would be kind of cool. I don't wanna be no minnow, I don't want to go through another fish and become fish poop, but a big fish in the pond.
I have no idea where I am going with this, but, it just makes sense to me. And what really does it matter when I am the last to leave? Whos going to be there to insure all this happens? Well, just in case, take care of me. And don't be silly wrap your willy.

Bancroft Nebraska

So, recently, I got me a stand up in Bancroft Nebraska. Funny thing, its a post prom event, and there is no jail up there, sounds like I have it made. But, anyways, the party will go.
When I asked about the school and town and things. I was shocked. The superintendent of the school, is also the football coach, basketball coach, head mentor, blah blah blah. I was like holy cow, that's like Arkansas where someone has many different titles, Aunt, sister, cousin, mom. And why was that the first thing to chime in my head?
Well, when you live in a small community, sometimes people have to step up to earn their pay. I guess they have there, I am shocked. And to be the school where everyone is involved in the hierarchy of the education structure,,,,,,I have no idea where I just pulled that out of but roll with it,,,,,,is pretty cool to show these kids no matter who you are, it will not hurt to step down off the platform and help out.
Now, that I just shocked myself with a couple big words, and my head is spinning like a marry go round, I better wrap er up. Don't be silly wrap your willy.

Oreos

Often times, you hear people say there is no wrong way to eat an oreo. I call bologna. WOW, thanks Oscar Meyer for helping me spell BOLOGNA. But, anyways, you can dunk them, crunch them, spread them all over your teeth to gross people out. No matter what, you are actually eating them.
Now, the person that breaks them apart and then licks off all the frosting then eats the cookie part? Comeon, are you the person that drags their finger across a birthday cake to try the icing before the cake? Go to a wedding and steal all the frosted pretties on the cake before the bride wears it all over her face?
What good is the frosting without the cookie? Just go to the damn store and buy a tub of frosting and dig in, save the real cookies for me and Mr. Roberts milk. I mean, nothing is better than a milk soaked cookie, with double stuff anytime of day.
Don't be silly, wrap your willy. I don't know where that came from, but I typed it.
I should of believed. Like I do in the OREO GOD!!!!

Okay Kids

I have some smart ideas for and some things to think about for teens today. But first and foremost, lets just thank them for being them.
The future of America is in your hands, when you make it up to be someone that you have always strived to be. Stop and think. Make sure you have enough votes to win office, make sure you don't declare war and send young people of there to take care of it when your old butt is the one who wanted it. I mean, if we sent you over there at age 50, I am sure you could talk the war progress down.
If you are going to decide to start a war, especially over gas prices. Why would you send over thousands of troops and no vehicles? Come on, take the gas, thats what your fighting for anyways. Don't let us down.
Never believe an old lady with no wrinkles is naturally beautiful. I mean comeon, botox, internal jello, and silicone are all on the rise. That is why we have so many women think they are barbies, but they arent really. Barbie has no holes. HINT HINT
Always listen to your parents. Ya, you may think they are drunk and stupid when telling you things, but when you hit the ripe age of 21 or 22, you will know, we are information GODS.
So, when you think about going into the future, stop, think, with the upper head, its no much of a bad place, it just has eggheads leading it. So, don't be an egghead, and surely don't find yourself with a patch on your eye in a roadside ditch.